Cell Phone Privacy - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Jinn · 04-23-2007, 10:04 AM

What it eventually boils down to is that everyone has different levels of personal privacy. Some people love being around others, and need almost no time 'alone.' Others (introverts) need more 'alone time' to sort out their bidness.

Likewise, some people are comfortable sharing everything and anything with anyone who wants to know. Others have certain things that are there private areas, and they don't appreciate others invading them.

The point is not to go invading other people's personal space or personal time willy-nilly, until you know exactly what THEIR boundaries are, not yours.

That's what his girlfriend did, and thats why I think it's a problem.

Seriously....

calibrich · 04-23-2007, 01:30 PM

Well it escalated and we are no longer seeing each other. Its more complicated than just that incident, but thats basically when it all started.

A few days later while eating dinner, my son decided to throw out the nugget that I had another girlfriend. (which I dont) but he is very perceptive and i guess hearing what we were discussing decided to say it. That isnt the first time he has done that to me, but the first time that someone believed him. I had a nice talk with him and understand why he did it. I mean he still wants me and his mom together, but I just have to get him to stop that behavior. We had a good talk and hopefully he understands now.

Jinn · 04-23-2007, 04:24 PM

she had serious trust issues.

move on.

better women out there.

waltert · 04-23-2007, 05:56 PM

If I'd been dating a girl for only 2 months, I dont know that I'd like her clicking through my phone or whatever.

after 4 years, I'm kind of at a point now where I dont care where she feels like snooping around, it doesnt bother me.

she, on the other hand, is a bit more protective of her stuff...weird women.

MSD · 04-24-2007, 12:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mandy

Seriously, i really don't get what the big deal is with going through your SO's wallet, or computer, or whatever else...

Nobody touches my stuff without my permission because it's my stuff. Maybe it's because I grew up with (and still live with

) a snooping mother who can't stand not knowing everything about me and where I am, what I'm doing, etc, maybe it's because I was picked on a lot as a kid and kept to myself, maybe it's just the way I am, but my stuff is private.

mandy · 04-24-2007, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct

Nobody touches my stuff without my permission because it's my stuff. Maybe it's because I grew up with (and still live with

) a snooping mother who can't stand not knowing everything about me and where I am, what I'm doing, etc, maybe it's because I was picked on a lot as a kid and kept to myself, maybe it's just the way I am, but my stuff is private.

so, are you saying that you will never let your SO take some money out of your wallet for you or one day you're not home and you need something on your computer, you're not going to call them and ask them to to and look for it for you?...i grew up with a mother who snooped (who still snoops) and ho wants to know everything about me.

its just that...and i personally don't see what the big deal is. that is just my opinion and it differs from a lot of you guys.

but just because i let my SO go through my stuff and don't really care about it, doesn't mean that i am not a private person or a person who doesn't like time at alone.

i get that its not a trust issue to some people but to others it is and maybe that girl was hurt once before and when he blew up at her for wanting to look at his phone something inside her clicked that "this has happened before" and then the son just escalated the whole thing.

but after two months and you don't know much about this woman, could you blame her really? i mean, she might not even have known that he didn't like it and to be perfectly honest with you guys...she shoulda asked first. but none of us know whether she did it sneakily or playfully...so, she might have had some trust issues but if he really liked this girl he would've communicated better.

and again, please may i state this, that this is my OPINION. i am not trying to make anyone see it my way or any other way...its what i think and thats that.

ItWasMe · 04-26-2007, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoganSnake

It's not about lack of trust at all. It's about having something that's just yours. It's about respect. My behavior extends to my parents and friends as well. I don't go through their belongings and they don't go through mine even though we trust each other completely. I don't understand why this is a hard idea to grasp.

Seriously...

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I've been trying to explain that very thing to my kids. I like to have a few things that are mine and not messed with. So the next time I go to use them, they won't be...lost, coated in peanut butter, broken, sticky, missing files, filled with cracker crumbs, a different color (I have 3 kids). I just want my things in the same spot/condition as I left them. With a person I'd dated 2 months, I wouldn't like a person being sneaky to invade my privacy. Why sneak? Just ask me.

calibrich · 05-03-2007, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mandy

i get that its not a trust issue to some people but to others it is and maybe that girl was hurt once before and when he blew up at her for wanting to look at his phone something inside her clicked that "this has happened before" and then the son just escalated the whole thing.

but after two months and you don't know much about this woman, could you blame her really? i mean, she might not even have known that he didn't like it and to be perfectly honest with you guys...she shoulda asked first. but none of us know whether she did it sneakily or playfully...so, she might have had some trust issues but if he really liked this girl he would've communicated better.

Your right that she was screwed over before. And I did over react about it. It ended up making her trust me less. Even though up until that point, I hadnt done anything to her to make her question my motives or feelings.

We both are to blame for how it all went down to be honest. Our relationship went down hill pretty fast after that. We arent even on speaking terms right now. I thought it was going to work out for a while and that we might give it another go, but then i found out she went sleep over at a guys house in his bed the night after we broke up. I knew she went see him. She told me that and I got over it mostly. It bothered me because he tried to hook up with her before and treated her like crap. When we first got together, thats all I heard about. How he was mean and hurt her, etc. But it wasnt till we were hanging out again that I found out she slept there in the same bed. She didnt tell me that right away. When I found that out, I left pissed and she turned it into a reason for her to be mad at me because I left like I did something wrong. It would have been one thing if the guy was just a friend, but he tried to use her before we got together. basically only wanted one thing. They messed around but never went all the way. She was a virgin. So the fact she went to him the night after we broke up made my mind race and she got mad because I didnt 100% trust her and that she didnt do anything. She told me she just wanted to talk to someone and he was the only male she could talk to and I was cool with that. I believed she didnt do anything, but i know he tried stuff with her and the thought of someone trying stuff in a bed with your ex of 1 day hurts a little. But yet I was wrong for being mad. I think she is just a classic manaphobe. I know I have some issues, but if Id gone to a girls house and slept there the night after she broke up with me, she'd never believe nothing happened.

I dont know why I even typed all that lol. It all just went down and Im just a little down over it all. Probably made no sense at all with what I just typed.

bloody_rose20 · 05-04-2007, 07:55 PM

Just thought I would add in here real quick. Me and my man know eachother in and out. He goes through my stuff and I his. Not to be nosey, but just because. Like we share a computer and we both know eachothers pin numbers and all our passwords so its not a big deal because we really don't have anything to hide from eachother. And the one who said now that you acted that way when she was just playing around, she will be sneaking through your phone to find out why you acted that way. I can garuntee if you left her alone she would have taken a picture of herself for you (that be if you have a pic phone) or she was gonna leave you a little message for you to recieve later on. The fact that you acted like that, she has lost a little bit of trust in you. If you have that much of an issue with someone touching your things, then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship. Because relationships are about trust and if you have nothing to hide, then so what if she looks through your phone? Maybe actually opening up to her might help instead of being closed off. Being in a relationship means whats mine is yours and whats yourse is mine. At least a good relationship is like that. But, everyone is different I suppose.

Also, after just reading what you wrote, you see now that you did overreact. I mean come on, if it was the other way around and you decided to just look lets say just at her wallpaper on it and she freaked out and grabbed it out of your hand. What would you think and how would that make you feel? I am sorry you guys did not work out, but she lost trust in you and therefore she felt not secure. As for her running back to the duche that was mean to her, she only went back to the last person that showed any feeling towards her. I dunno why some women tend to do that. For future reference, if you don't have anything to hide let them go through it, they will see they can trust you and like i said, she wasn't probably snooping. And also, if you do have something to hide, better to get it out in the very beginning or else she will eventually find out, believe me, we always find out, becuase it will be 10 times worse if you don't tell her and she finds out on her own.

Also, after just reading what you wrote, you see now that you did overreact. I mean come on, if it was the other way around and you decided to just look lets say just at her wallpaper on it and she freaked out and grabbed it out of your hand. What would you think and how would that make you feel? I am sorry you guys did not work out, but she lost trust in you and therefore she felt not secure. As for her running back to the duche that was mean to her, she only went back to the last person that showed any feeling towards her. I dunno why some women tend to do that. For future reference, if you don't have anything to hide let them go through it, they will see they can trust you and like i said, she wasn't probably snooping. And also, if you do have something to hide, better to get it out in the very beginning or else she will eventually find out, believe me, we always find out, becuase it will be 10 times worse if you don't tell her and she finds out on her own.

tenniels · 05-05-2007, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by analog

Anything to hide or no, it's your personal possession.

What the hell is it with girls trying to look at guys' cellphones, anyway?? Pfft.

I don't think it's just girls, I've know more than a few jealous/curious guys in my day.

Besides that, I like my shit to be my shit. Don't mess around with that. I'm ridiculously independant and hate when boyfriends want to get too into my stuff. I also have nothing to hide and agree that if one were to ASK to see say a cellphone, it would be no issue and I'd allow whomever to take a look. That sneeky shit feels too clingy. I hate clingy.

37OHSSV · 05-05-2007, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by analog

Anything to hide or no, it's your personal possession.

What the hell is it with girls trying to look at guys' cellphones, anyway?? Pfft.

I have friends who have caught their wives and girlfriends going through all the pockets of the clothes hanging in the closet. My wife once told me my clothes "smelled funny." (Translation: I think I smell perfume on your clothes.)

I told her if she was accusing me of something, she should make sure she was correct, because if I was going to get blamed for it anyway, I might as well do it. I don't recommend using that statement, but for the most part, it ended the accusations.

If my wife went through my cell phone, I would let her, and then there would be a LONG discussion about how I didn't appreciate it.

My phone is password protected, but only so no one can use it if I ever misplace it.

Sultana · 05-05-2007, 05:40 AM

No, he did not over-react. On top of it, she should have apologized and been mature enough to understand that she overstepped her bounds as a 2-month gf.

04-23-2007, 10:04 AM	#41 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	What it eventually boils down to is that everyone has different levels of personal privacy. Some people love being around others, and need almost no time 'alone.' Others (introverts) need more 'alone time' to sort out their bidness. Likewise, some people are comfortable sharing everything and anything with anyone who wants to know. Others have certain things that are there private areas, and they don't appreciate others invading them. The point is not to go invading other people's personal space or personal time willy-nilly, until you know exactly what THEIR boundaries are, not yours. That's what his girlfriend did, and thats why I think it's a problem. Seriously.... __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

04-23-2007, 04:24 PM	#43 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	she had serious trust issues. move on. better women out there. __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

05-04-2007, 07:55 PM	#49 (permalink)
bloody_rose20 Crazy Location: In Vermont	Just thought I would add in here real quick. Me and my man know eachother in and out. He goes through my stuff and I his. Not to be nosey, but just because. Like we share a computer and we both know eachothers pin numbers and all our passwords so its not a big deal because we really don't have anything to hide from eachother. And the one who said now that you acted that way when she was just playing around, she will be sneaking through your phone to find out why you acted that way. I can garuntee if you left her alone she would have taken a picture of herself for you (that be if you have a pic phone) or she was gonna leave you a little message for you to recieve later on. The fact that you acted like that, she has lost a little bit of trust in you. If you have that much of an issue with someone touching your things, then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship. Because relationships are about trust and if you have nothing to hide, then so what if she looks through your phone? Maybe actually opening up to her might help instead of being closed off. Being in a relationship means whats mine is yours and whats yourse is mine. At least a good relationship is like that. But, everyone is different I suppose. Also, after just reading what you wrote, you see now that you did overreact. I mean come on, if it was the other way around and you decided to just look lets say just at her wallpaper on it and she freaked out and grabbed it out of your hand. What would you think and how would that make you feel? I am sorry you guys did not work out, but she lost trust in you and therefore she felt not secure. As for her running back to the duche that was mean to her, she only went back to the last person that showed any feeling towards her. I dunno why some women tend to do that. For future reference, if you don't have anything to hide let them go through it, they will see they can trust you and like i said, she wasn't probably snooping. And also, if you do have something to hide, better to get it out in the very beginning or else she will eventually find out, believe me, we always find out, becuase it will be 10 times worse if you don't tell her and she finds out on her own. Also, after just reading what you wrote, you see now that you did overreact. I mean come on, if it was the other way around and you decided to just look lets say just at her wallpaper on it and she freaked out and grabbed it out of your hand. What would you think and how would that make you feel? I am sorry you guys did not work out, but she lost trust in you and therefore she felt not secure. As for her running back to the duche that was mean to her, she only went back to the last person that showed any feeling towards her. I dunno why some women tend to do that. For future reference, if you don't have anything to hide let them go through it, they will see they can trust you and like i said, she wasn't probably snooping. And also, if you do have something to hide, better to get it out in the very beginning or else she will eventually find out, believe me, we always find out, becuase it will be 10 times worse if you don't tell her and she finds out on her own. __________________ "The only way to enjoy life, is to try different things, and take risks. Sometimes you just have to jump in with both feet and hope for the best " Last edited by bloody_rose20; 05-04-2007 at 08:00 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

05-05-2007, 05:40 AM	#52 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	No, he did not over-react. On top of it, she should have apologized and been mature enough to understand that she overstepped her bounds as a 2-month gf. __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

04-23-2007, 01:30 PM	#42 (permalink)
calibrich Upright	Well it escalated and we are no longer seeing each other. Its more complicated than just that incident, but thats basically when it all started. A few days later while eating dinner, my son decided to throw out the nugget that I had another girlfriend. (which I dont) but he is very perceptive and i guess hearing what we were discussing decided to say it. That isnt the first time he has done that to me, but the first time that someone believed him. I had a nice talk with him and understand why he did it. I mean he still wants me and his mom together, but I just have to get him to stop that behavior. We had a good talk and hopefully he understands now.

04-23-2007, 05:56 PM	#44 (permalink)
waltert Insane	If I'd been dating a girl for only 2 months, I dont know that I'd like her clicking through my phone or whatever. after 4 years, I'm kind of at a point now where I dont care where she feels like snooping around, it doesnt bother me. she, on the other hand, is a bit more protective of her stuff...weird women.