BigDonkey2

Well, here it goes. So I've been with my current girlfriend for the past 7 months. Shes 25 and I'm 22. Things were peachy king until I left for Florida (for spring training with the Cardinals) on March 5th. We've gotten into a few little arguments but nothing too overboard. Anyways, I was released out of spring training 2 weeks ago and came back home. I was hoping to get signed by another team, which I was lucky enough to do and leave again April 23rd. Things had been had been going pretty well while I was gone. So I came home and now its 2 weeks later and pretty much out of the blue she comes at me with this: she is Christian and I'm Jewish and basically we don't share the same beliefs. She recently asked me what my religious beliefs were and my stance on God and such and I told her how I felt. At the beginning of the relationship she knew that I wasn't Christian (which she was looking for) but assumed that because of my background of me going to a religious high school and college she just assumed that I had some of the same beliefs, which isn't the case. So she told me tonight that since I knew she was religious and that it was important to her that I should've told her right out of the gate. She said that I was withholding information from her. My repsonse to that was she should have asked me and not just assumed, but it seems as though she's blaming me for not telling her. Along with this fact is the fact that we haven't had sex in about 4 days and she said she's been hinting at it, which I wasn't fully getting so now she thinks that I just don't want to have sex with her, which isn't true. I told her if she wants sex to either be more physical and forceful or just tell me. I understand the whole hinting about it thing but I can't read her mind. Shes very shy and timid when it comes to that thing so its not easy for her to do. I'm a man, grab my balls or do something to show that you want me. Granted I haven't been in the mood for a few days, which I can't explain, but she says that she was telling me how horny she was, which apparently is another clue, which I get but doesn't scream "I want sex!" I don't know. Maybe its just me.

Anyhow, it seems now as if we're at a standstill. Shes ready to settle down and start her life but I'm still in pursuit of my dream of playing in the major leagues. She's very insecure about the fact that I don't seem to have the feelings for her like I have for baseball and that I don't include her in my future plans. I don't know what the future holds for both of us and I don't know how she's going to handle me being away for half the year at a time, which doesn't seem so well right now. She feels like shes sitting back and waiting to start her life while I go and do what I want to do. Shes said multiple times that we're both in different places right now, which she attributes to the age difference. I believe her in that aspect because there's no way I would be able to support myself. (for those of you who don't know minor league ball players don't get paid much) She has her own house and is going back to school to be a teacher.

I really do love her but it seems like this is such a huge issue to her and we both can't change the way we feel. She says she feels weird about us and that things haven't been the same since I came back from Florida. She says I don't make her feel special anymore and that she just gives and gives and gives without receiving. She's not that into sports at all and before me she didn't like baseball one bit and she probably still doesn't. She just likes it now because it's what I do. We spend a lot of time together and I usually spend the night at her house most of the week. It's almost like we live together but we don't at the same time. She feels like shes at a standstill with me right now and she doesn't know what to do as well as myself. I can't force her to feel a certain way and it seems to me that most of the problem stems from me not having the same beliefs as her. At least thats how I see it. She feels like shes giving up her religion to be with me. She doesn't want to go to church by herself and if I went with her she'd feel like I thought she was stupid for praying and singing in church, which isn't true at all. I respect people who are religious. You have your beliefs and I have mine. When you push your beliefs onto me thats where I draw the line. Anyways, I don't know what to make of the whole situation and she seems to be pretty disturbed, bitter, and pissed about it.

So my question is, what do I do? Do we take a break or try to work things out? I'm not too sure. I mean I love this girl with all my heart but it seems like this whole religion thing is a BIG issue with her and if she had found this out before we got serious she said she would have stopped dating me. What do I do? I'm trying my best to make her feel happy, which I admit I haven't been doing lately but she seems to think I'm doing nothing right now but watch baseball and workout, which is all I can do at the moment. I'm just stuck between a rock and a hard place right now and could use some advice on how to handle the whole situation. Any help is much appreciated. Thanks guys.

-BigD

dirtyrascal7

Okay, first of all... the religion thing is not the issue you need to be focusing on. I'm not arguing that it isn't a problem, but I think that it's easy to blame all your other issues on this one thing, so its significance is amplified.

What I hear you saying when I read this is that you are committed to pursuing your dream, but you aren't committed to your future with her... basically, it's a relationship based more on convenience. It seems clear that SHE is committed to you, however, and therefore she is the only one making any big sacrifices. Things will not work out if the relationship is truly this unbalanced. Period.

No... it's not all you CAN do, it's all you CHOOSE to do.

If you really do love her and want to be with her, you are going to have to make her a bigger priority. I understand that baseball is a huge part of your life, but you will have to find a better balance between her and baseball because, as it is now, she feels very unappreciated.

I guarantee you that the religion thing won't seem like such a big deal if you make more of an effort to make her happy... and I don't think anything would make her happier than if you would make her your #1 priority every once in a while. You CAN make this work... but you'll have to be more committed and passionate when it comes to her, not just when it comes to baseball.

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c172g

I'd say bail...you are young, obviously have a lot going for you, and there's lots of fish in the sea. The way you feel about this girl, while it sounds very strong, can be found elsewhere. In addition, you are going to be doing a lot of moving around if you do go anywhere in the leagues, and from the sound of things, distance is going to be a problem. Free yourself of the ties & concentrate on your dream 100%.

You're going to be hanging around with a load of guys that are young, and probably most will be single. Go have a good time, there is plenty of time to settle down & get serious later. The Christian vs. Jew thing isn't going away. Find exactly what you're looking for by giving yourself a chance to find it...and good luck in the leagues, my friends brother spent a few years pitching for one of Seattle's minor league teams...he was single & had a blast!

analog

You both have big dreams. Hers is you, and yours is not her- it's your career. While that's not a bad thing, it's obviously going to be a major obstacle if you two plan on staying together.

You've got a long life ahead of you, and if she's got hangups over religion, this may be the best time to part ways amicably. Staying at this point, when you're so focused on your career, is just unfair to the both of you, and you'd be keeping it going out of convenience.

BigDonkey2

Well we talked today and it seems as though the MAIN issue is religion. She feels that if she stays with me that she'll be giving up her religion and her beliefs. We're having dinner tonight and I don't know whats going to happen.

Sultana

If she gives up religion to be with you (and you haven't asked her to, obviously), then it's *her* decision to do that. Don't let her put that excuse on you. She needs to take responsibility for the decisions she makes for herself. There are many successful interfaith relationships.

Otherwise, I concur with what dirtyrascal7 said.

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Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.