break ups and nude photos
 

Alrighty... well as the name implies I'd love to hear abount all your experiences and adventures about said topic... but heres a question that I just came about in my own situation. A bit of background... me and my ex gf were togther for a bit over a year, great girl, great time, great relationship. period... Now I think this is commen with most couples,, but I may be wrong, but I have quite a few nude photos of her, and even a few quick videos of us in bed. She knows all about them, so no secrets there.. however we've been apart now for about 2 months.. and she now asked me to delete them off of my computer. It's not like she doesnt like the idea of me looking at them,, but she doesnt like the idea that they are "out" there... meaning that by some small chance they could get on the internet, ect.. which to me is a pretty small, next to nill chance. But I respect her and so with a sweaty palm and sorrow in my heart, I will delete them.:sad: However it got me thinking,, would you delete them?.. would you tell her you will,, then keep them knowing that she won't ever be on your computer again... or maybe print off hard copies to stash elsewhere first? or how about stash a few away in some deep folder on your computer to look up on those lonely nights.. so how about it?.. what would you do? or what have you done? I'm honestly thinking about maybe printing one or two off to keep in a safe place...but we'll see:thumbsup:

delete, delete, delete... first, out of respect, second so it wont bite you in the ass down the road, you never know what could happen and they could get out.

any pics i have of a current flame are stored password protected and encrypted (128 bit AES), the slack space on my hard drive is wiped after i view them, as well as the other places viewed pictures lurk. I don't take chances with their privacy. after things are certainly over, i do delete them.

Send em to me, I'll hold on to them and make sure they don't get in the wrong hands. :)

But seriously, I would keep em if you still have feelings for her in a good way. It's memories even if she's nude. would you delete pictures of a ski trip you took or something like that? to me it's the same. either you delete em all or keep em all.

Tough one, I have to agree with MexicanOnABike that they are your shared memories and I would not delete reguler pictures. But I feel that nude pictures differ. They were taken with a different understanding and agreement from reguler vacation pictures. And while I would love to keep a picture for the memories, I think it would be wrong to. So yeah after a few long looks i would sadly delete them.

I had this similar experience just a couple of days ago when I was organizing photos. Our breakup wasn't clean and simple and frankly it just hurts too damn much to look at them, so I did the delete, delete delete thing.

I'd keep them hidden or locked until 1) you dont want to look at them anymore or 2) you're dating someone else. #1 is about respecting yourself. #2 is about respectng the new girl.

i guess you might have a very different relationship than i've ever had with an ex, but i really can't imagine asking her if i can burn her nude photos to a CD so i could safely "check them out" later. after breaking up, the last thing i would think she *really* wants is you looking at her nude. i would definitely delete them. maybe crop out the head from a photo where appropriate to remind you of the times, but that sort of vulnerable imagery should be deleted if that's what she asks for.

frankly, i might burn them to a CD, and give her the only copy of the photos that are just her. delete the ones with both of you. that's essentially what i did with an ex of mind a long time ago, which is the only time its really come up.

I think your exactly right. I would love to keep them, and I like the idea of burning them to a cd so that they are "off" my computer but I could still look em up every now and then. I would however delete them, and or not want to look at them once I started going out with somebody new. That isnt fair at all to the new girl and I would definitally feel as though its a form of cheating. Besides, hopefully i'll have pics of the new girl to replace them with.. :thumbsup: We did have a very clean and healthy breakup, we still talk once a week or so. I love to look over old photos and remember good times, and these photos I don't think are too different in that respect. Thanks for the insight and opinions!!

Thank you.

make sure you encrypt the data on the CD, just to be safe.

Agreed. As much as it sucks to get rid of them, that's what happens when you breakup, you lose something that you previously enjoyed. It's not fair to her to "cheat the system" and still get to enjoy her naked if she's cut that part of her out of both of your lives. Simply put, if she has asked you to delete the material, then you owe her the respect to do as she has asked. If her only concern is that it is still on your computer, then you could ask her if she would be comfortable with you putting it on CD. But in general, I would say the best course would be to do as she asked and delete it. Since she's the one in the more vunerable position, it has to be about what she wants and not what you want.

wait wait wait. now your making this convoluted. does she just want them off your computer or does she want it so you never see them again? I think youre trying to find a loophole so you still technically have them and in the long run, you will be lying to her if you still have them.

I only say this becuase I have an Ex who has (or had, i dont really know now) photos of me, and if i found out he said he deleted them but instead only backed them up on a CD, well thats betrayal and youe only going to burn her just as much as you would if you kept them on your computer.

Think about it.

I'm going to guess the break up was good. :P

This is all about respect for other people.
Whether you are involved with them or no longer involved with them.
Whether you like the person or not.

It is not about getting rid of them before you get together with someone else.
It is not about shared memories like the pictures taken of the two of you in DisneyWorld.

These pics were taken i(I am assuming) during private moments between the two of you. There was an underlying trust that was involved in taking and keeping these pictures that had it basis in your relationship.

Now that the relationship (the way it was) is no longer there that underlying trust and connection between the two of you, that ensures that these pics remain private, that formed the basis of your realtionship is no longer there.

She asked you to delete them.
Becuase you still have some relationship with her the decision should be easy. You do as she asks.
I could understand if there was some sort of animosity that you would not want to do as she asked but then, that is the reason she does not want you to have them anymore.

Would I get rid of them? Now that is a completely diffeent story. :)
Just kidding, I hope that I would be able to do as asked but I can't say for sure.

When a friend decided to end it, he said, 'well, I guess you'll want your pictures back', to which I said I'd given them to him, he can do what he wants with them. And that's really the crux-doing what is asked once the relationship ends. She is uncomfortable with them being 'out there' now that it's over. Since you still speak, you should ask permission to put them on cd's, but I would think cd's are a bit more vulnerable than on a computer, even if they are coded.
Also, keep in mind that 'delete' doesn't eradicate them forever. I've reformatted and mistakenly 'erased' many files; I used a recovery program and obtained over 44,000 'deleted' files, more than half in original form.

there is a wonderful program called Sdelete, it was made by sysinternals which has been bough by microsoft, basically, you can clean a file, or with the -z argument you can clean the slack space on your hard drive (all the non used space)

http://www.microsoft.com/technet/sys...y/SDelete.mspx

if the are encrypted well the risk is minimal, i use winrar to protect them, it's 128 bit AES encryption, you can brute force the password, however, as long as you use a decent length password that is not a dictionary word or words, you should be good.

If he already knows how to encrypt, pw, etc., and she's aware of that, I'm of the feeling she's just uncomfortable with him seeing her in an intimate nature now that they're not intimate.
I used to keep all my stuff on zipdisks-I liked them because you could erase and reuse or store, but since I don't know about encryption, etc., they were not a wise choice. Now everything I do is passworded and buried in folder/folder/folder-no passwords are saved anywhere but my head( which sometimes gets me confused since I have several).
One mistake I did make was linking my personal site to the 'business' one-long since unlinked-and placing a single image from an online album into a forum, which someone later pointed out to me that also had some not-for-everyone pix(which he found by right-clicking the posted photo and getting to the album). There was a "Duh!!" moment I quickly had to fix-no one wonder all those guys were so happy to see me when we met up. :D

I'm not saying he should keep them, he should definitively get rid of them, I'm just noting storage for current SO's

I have a fairly large collection on a few CDs somewhere.


Not that I really need them. It's just fun to have them around.

I don't know how old you are, jusolson00... but if the pictures you have of her were taken when she was younger than 18, you will probably want to delete them just so you won't be convicted of having child pornography. There was a case in Florida recently where two teens were convicted of just that (they were dating, ages 16 and 17, and took pictures of each other) even though the pictures were never released publicly. So you never know... better to be without a few nude pictures than to be a registered sex offender for the rest of your life. Here's an article on it:

http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercu...y/16732849.htm

Let me take this space to tell you a quick story.

I dated this one girl for a while, she really fucked me over.

After we split up it dawned on me, not only did I have dirty pictures of her, but I also had the email address for her church mailing list.

The devil himself appeared before me.

There was a very long battle before I finally deleted the pictures.
But, I was so close to doing something pretty evil.

Anyway,

Just thought I'd share a story.

Memories are all you get.

I was gonna comment about this too, though I thought that case was kind of messed up. They weren't sent to anyone and yet they were found so I guess it's possible but yeah.

Anywho, if she wants you to delete the photos you definately need to. It would be nice if we all got to keep such pictures but you shouldn't lie to her and keep them even though she may never know. You just need to go out and find a new girl to take pictures of.

If you're the type of guy that takes his computer to someone to fix, delete them (they will and do search your hard drive, don't let them tell you they don't). And never ever ever leave your HD in your pc if you get rid of it (at least without running a utility like wipe drive). But, one way or another, be honest of your intentions.

I would use WinZip or WinRar and create a password protected file. If you have a safe, burn it to CD and stick it in there. Name it something plain and put some other documents on the CD or hard drive.

You shouldn't look at them when you are with a different girl, but if you are single again, it would be ok.

Tell her you nuked 'em but keep them stored away for future reference.

Telling it like it is ...

:)

Exactly my point!.. now I know what the "right" answer is and its wayy to easy for other people to say "you should definitally delete them no matter what!".. but lets be honest... when you have such a strong emotional bond with that person and she leaves you, or vice versa, people don't always do what is "expected" or "right". This is the point of the post... knowing what "should" be done.. but doing othewise for whatever motives you may have.

'for future reference' makes you sound like a pervert.

Couple of quick things: First, before writing off the responses as though the people are full of shit, you might want to consider that many of us have been in this situation and deleted/returned...then again, some of us (King) have a small library. Point being, don't assume that the people telling you to delete them are blowing hot air; they might actually mean it.

Second, are you seriously keeping these pictures because of a "deep emotional connection." Really? I assumed you were going to beat off to them. I don't know, for that deep emotional connection junk I usually have letters or emails or straight up memories. I'm not saying you're full of shit, just thought it was an interesting way to defend the practice of keeping the pics. Good luck either way.

I have nekked pics, but those were from before the days of my owning a digital camera, so they're hard copy. However, I have a set, and she has a set, and I didn't ask her to throw her's away. The way I look at it, she's in them too, so if she's proud enough to show someone else, cool with me. Also, I was thinner back then, so they're HAWT! I'd be proud to show them off! :D

I'm with NG on this one... if I've given you (you being a SO) something, it's yours. Obviously, I have enough trust in you (in this situation) to have nekked pics taken, I trust your judgment and trust that you'll have enough maturity and respect to treat them they way you'd want nekked pics of you treated.

Why? Most people have pictures of old loves - be they spouses or otherwise. Some of the pics are fully dressed, some are at the beach, some are nude.

Is staring at a wedding photo or remembering via a picture Christmases or holidays past less or more emotional than looking at a nude picture of an old flame? What's the difference between imagining sex with an old flame and using a visual prop to enhance that memory?

Most people, while masturbating or even during coitus with someone else, may visualiza, at one time or another, an old flame.

I see no difference between the situations.

But thanks for the judgment nonetheless.

hey highthief, but you're positing that there's no difference between the associations most people have towards pictures of themselves nude, and the vulnerability that goes along with it, and a picture hanging out with friends at the bar or something. i would think that goes to the very spirit of why someone would ask for these specific photos to be deleted. i don't know, particularly right after a break up, most chicks i know wouldn't want to think about me pulling out a dvd of them naked, or sucking my dick, and slapping the monkey around to it. or potentially showing them to a bunch of friends one night, bragging about how crazy that chick was in bed. no seriously guys, i'll show you...if the girl takes the attitude of "well, they're yours - do with them as you will..." then hey, go for it. if she asks you to get rid of them or return them, then i think that's a reasonable request. you don't think maybe it sounds it *little* perverted to keep spank material from your ex girlfriends?

it was the lexicon used, 'for future reference' just sounds bad.

I dunno... never been in a video, so that particular situation couldn't happen yet, but my ex's do talk about how crazy I am in bed... they wish their current SOs weren't so vanilla. :thumbsup: And if there were a video of me (which there may be some day), and it were being shown in the way described, I'd be cool with it, because I'm proud of the craziness. :D

No, I think its part of a normal sexuality. Now you *could* make an argument that if you have a SO who is into having nude pics or vids made of them then that is a little perverted (though i wouldn't but I suppose some people might) - but how is keeping the pics after the relationship is over be construed as perverted if the initial photoshoot wasn't?

Look, its pretty basic to me - if you're uncomfortable with there being sexy pics of you out there, don't pose for them to begin with. This may involve abstention from alcohol, recreational substances and some adult relationships, in some cases. Consult your physician first.

;)

wow, considering that I know of one person with naked pics of me and after all these comments from the guys, fuck it, im never letting a guy take pictures of me nude. Ive lost a bit of confidence in honesty on this subject.

What if you went to an exgirlfriend's house and looked in her window and jerked off while she was dressing? That's not perverted simply because you've jerked off while looking at her when you were dating?

It's perverted because you no longer have that intimate bond that you had while dating. If you aren't willing to delete the pictures of a girlfriend after you stop dating her, I sincerely hope you tell her that BEFORE she gives you any nude photos.

You may not think it's gross and perverted to continue jerking off to pictures of old girlfriends, but many women do.

You want the truth, you can't handle the truth. :lol:

You could just always have him take pictures that didn't have your face visible. It would just be body parts at that point.

If I had to guess, I would say 10% of guys would delete them, 85% would save them and probably forget about them, and 5% would post them on-line.