Pain during sex. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Ambiguity · 02-16-2007, 02:01 PM

I was recently contacted by an exgirlfriend from when I was 17. (22 now) She and I lost our virginity to each other, very sweet, but very inexperienced when it happened.

Well, apparently she blames me for her having pain duing sex now because of the "lack of lubrication" during our first time. Which was way more than consentual and very much both our idea. She wasn't very wet, but niether of us really knew all about that at the time. I was very gentle, and it didn't last very long (we stopped b/c of something unrelated).

Needless to say, it's a heavy wieght on my mind to think there's a woman out there who can't enjoy sex because we didn't use enough lube our first time. (and only time) Is this possible? For a girl to have sex the first time, not be wet enough, and hereafter have pain as a direct result?

Darth_Kettch · 02-16-2007, 02:05 PM

Doesn't sound plausible to me. What does her gynocologist say? If the connection is as she suggests, you'd think more people would voice complaints about this.

Ambiguity · 02-16-2007, 02:11 PM

that's what I thought. I can understand having sex, there not being enough lubrication, and maybe there being some pain as a result the next day/week. But 6 years later? Re-occuring? What possible dammage could have been done? She didn't even bleed our first time.

Gilda · 02-16-2007, 02:23 PM

Sex without enough lubrication can lead to vaginal tears, which can cause pain later on, but I doubt that it would be a chronic problem. Did she say what the specific cause of the pain was?

Ambiguity · 02-16-2007, 02:34 PM

she just said it hurts to have sex now, and blames there not being enough lube the first time. And if there was any tearing, i would imagine there would be bleeding? (of which there wasn't)

abaya · 02-16-2007, 02:37 PM

6 years later, wtf... that is just weird. Have you two been in touch during that time? Does she have any emotional issues that would cause her to seek out someone to blame for this? I really don't think there's any way that you having sex 6 years ago could possibly have anything to do with her pain now (other than if STD's were involved, which I assume from your mutual virginity that they were not?).

Gilda · 02-16-2007, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ambiguity

she just said it hurts to have sex now, and blames there not being enough lube the first time. And if there was any tearing, i would imagine there would be bleeding? (of which there wasn't)

There wouldn't necessarily be any blood with a vaginal tear, but it would heal on its own simply by abstaining from sex for some time, the amount of time depending on the severity.

Abaya might be on to something. This sounds like it might be a psychological problem. If there is currently pain for her, it's more likely something that's either a chronic problem she already had your first time, or there was an intervening cause. It would be very difficult to tell from what little you've given us.

Her best course of action would be to see her gynecologist.

pornclerk · 02-16-2007, 03:14 PM

This all sounds very odd to me. Why would someone call you and tell you that? Has she actually proven that this is the case?

I was having problems with pain during sex for a long time, and I found out it was a yeast infection. I had no idea because that was the only symptom I had.

Sounds like she needs to make a trip to the gyno and stop acting immature!

ratbastid · 02-16-2007, 03:17 PM

Yeah, no, that's ridiculous.

Look: dry sex can cause pain and tissue damage, but we human beings have this amazing ability to heal injuries. She's LONG healed from any damage that got done. Any pain she experiences during sex these days is totally on her.

Ambiguity · 02-16-2007, 03:42 PM

To clarify: we've talked off an on over the years, but our relationship had been so passionate that when it ended, it ended with a heavy sour note in the air, and it's taken years to clear the air of it. She claims she has no emotional issues about it, and says' she's happy that it was with someone she loved, etc. So i don't think it's a mental thing. She said she didnt have sex for a year afterward, so any tearing would have healed by then. I don't know how to apporach her about this though, she isnt trying to BLAME me, but i feel it's important for both of us to figure it out, especialy if in her mind I'm the cause of her pain. I sent her a message asking if she's seen a doctor, I would assume so for normal female gyno visits...

Darth_Kettch · 02-16-2007, 04:19 PM

Her gynocologist would definitively be the person to talk to. I mean, theoretically, a tear from your first time could lead to that bit of the vaginal wall having some scar tissue, which could lead to some pain, but that possibility is soooo remote compared to (for instance) something as simple (and easy to get) as the yeast infection mentioned earlier.

Ambiguity · 02-17-2007, 04:31 PM

I doubt she has had a yeast infection for the last 7 years un-aware... Oh well.

shakran · 02-17-2007, 04:42 PM

It may not be psychological. Some women have an allergy to semen. It can cause swelling of the labia and painful intercourse. She may have this, not realize it, and have chosen to blame you instead of discovering the facts.

Lady Sage · 02-17-2007, 06:43 PM

I would send her a bottle of lube and tell her to try it.

It may just solve her problem unless it is something more serious and she is still in the dark about the workings of her vagina.

pornclerk · 02-18-2007, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ambiguity

I doubt she has had a yeast infection for the last 7 years un-aware... Oh well.

It is possible to have one for a really long time and not know it. I took meds for it when I found out the problem and then it kept coming back over and over for about a year. Turns out that my boyfriend and I were passing it back a forth without knowing it. Guys can get yeast infections too.

Toaster126 · 02-19-2007, 02:49 AM

Hahaha. No. Don't worry, you didn't break her vajay-jay.

oneofmanymen · 02-19-2007, 02:54 AM

I think shes just looking for someone to blame. I cant really see how something like that could cause all sex for her to hurt. If it were really the case I would think alot more women would be in the same boat. I think most young couples starting out don't have lube.

02-16-2007, 02:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
Ambiguity Tilted	Pain during sex. I was recently contacted by an exgirlfriend from when I was 17. (22 now) She and I lost our virginity to each other, very sweet, but very inexperienced when it happened. Well, apparently she blames me for her having pain duing sex now because of the "lack of lubrication" during our first time. Which was way more than consentual and very much both our idea. She wasn't very wet, but niether of us really knew all about that at the time. I was very gentle, and it didn't last very long (we stopped b/c of something unrelated). Needless to say, it's a heavy wieght on my mind to think there's a woman out there who can't enjoy sex because we didn't use enough lube our first time. (and only time) Is this possible? For a girl to have sex the first time, not be wet enough, and hereafter have pain as a direct result?

02-16-2007, 02:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
Gilda 32 flavors and then some Location: Out on a wire.	Sex without enough lubrication can lead to vaginal tears, which can cause pain later on, but I doubt that it would be a chronic problem. Did she say what the specific cause of the pain was? __________________ I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert Last edited by Gilda; 02-16-2007 at 02:27 PM..

02-16-2007, 02:37 PM	#6 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	6 years later, wtf... that is just weird. Have you two been in touch during that time? Does she have any emotional issues that would cause her to seek out someone to blame for this? I really don't think there's any way that you having sex 6 years ago could possibly have anything to do with her pain now (other than if STD's were involved, which I assume from your mutual virginity that they were not?). __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

02-16-2007, 03:14 PM	#8 (permalink)
pornclerk Insane Location: Ontario, Canada	This all sounds very odd to me. Why would someone call you and tell you that? Has she actually proven that this is the case? I was having problems with pain during sex for a long time, and I found out it was a yeast infection. I had no idea because that was the only symptom I had. Sounds like she needs to make a trip to the gyno and stop acting immature! __________________ Who wants a twig when you can have the whole tree?

02-17-2007, 06:43 PM	#14 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	I would send her a bottle of lube and tell her to try it. It may just solve her problem unless it is something more serious and she is still in the dark about the workings of her vagina. __________________ If only closed minds came with closed mouths. Minds are like parachutes, they function best when open. It`s Easier to Change a Condom Than a Diaper Yes, the rumors are true... I actually AM a Witch.

02-16-2007, 02:05 PM	#2 (permalink)
Darth_Kettch Insane Location: Norway	Doesn't sound plausible to me. What does her gynocologist say? If the connection is as she suggests, you'd think more people would voice complaints about this.

02-16-2007, 02:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
Ambiguity Tilted	that's what I thought. I can understand having sex, there not being enough lubrication, and maybe there being some pain as a result the next day/week. But 6 years later? Re-occuring? What possible dammage could have been done? She didn't even bleed our first time.

02-16-2007, 02:34 PM	#5 (permalink)
Ambiguity Tilted	she just said it hurts to have sex now, and blames there not being enough lube the first time. And if there was any tearing, i would imagine there would be bleeding? (of which there wasn't)

02-16-2007, 03:17 PM	#9 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Yeah, no, that's ridiculous. Look: dry sex can cause pain and tissue damage, but we human beings have this amazing ability to heal injuries. She's LONG healed from any damage that got done. Any pain she experiences during sex these days is totally on her.

02-16-2007, 03:42 PM	#10 (permalink)
Ambiguity Tilted	To clarify: we've talked off an on over the years, but our relationship had been so passionate that when it ended, it ended with a heavy sour note in the air, and it's taken years to clear the air of it. She claims she has no emotional issues about it, and says' she's happy that it was with someone she loved, etc. So i don't think it's a mental thing. She said she didnt have sex for a year afterward, so any tearing would have healed by then. I don't know how to apporach her about this though, she isnt trying to BLAME me, but i feel it's important for both of us to figure it out, especialy if in her mind I'm the cause of her pain. I sent her a message asking if she's seen a doctor, I would assume so for normal female gyno visits...

02-16-2007, 04:19 PM	#11 (permalink)
Darth_Kettch Insane Location: Norway	Her gynocologist would definitively be the person to talk to. I mean, theoretically, a tear from your first time could lead to that bit of the vaginal wall having some scar tissue, which could lead to some pain, but that possibility is soooo remote compared to (for instance) something as simple (and easy to get) as the yeast infection mentioned earlier.

02-17-2007, 04:31 PM	#12 (permalink)
Ambiguity Tilted	I doubt she has had a yeast infection for the last 7 years un-aware... Oh well.

02-17-2007, 04:42 PM	#13 (permalink)
shakran Tone.	It may not be psychological. Some women have an allergy to semen. It can cause swelling of the labia and painful intercourse. She may have this, not realize it, and have chosen to blame you instead of discovering the facts.

02-19-2007, 02:49 AM	#16 (permalink)
Toaster126 Extreme moderation Location: Kansas City, yo.	Hahaha. No. Don't worry, you didn't break her vajay-jay. __________________ "The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand) "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

02-19-2007, 02:54 AM	#17 (permalink)
oneofmanymen Insane Location: Wisconsin	I think shes just looking for someone to blame. I cant really see how something like that could cause all sex for her to hurt. If it were really the case I would think alot more women would be in the same boat. I think most young couples starting out don't have lube. __________________ Everything works if you let it....