Pain during sex.
 

I was recently contacted by an exgirlfriend from when I was 17. (22 now) She and I lost our virginity to each other, very sweet, but very inexperienced when it happened.

Well, apparently she blames me for her having pain duing sex now because of the "lack of lubrication" during our first time. Which was way more than consentual and very much both our idea. She wasn't very wet, but niether of us really knew all about that at the time. I was very gentle, and it didn't last very long (we stopped b/c of something unrelated).

Needless to say, it's a heavy wieght on my mind to think there's a woman out there who can't enjoy sex because we didn't use enough lube our first time. (and only time) Is this possible? For a girl to have sex the first time, not be wet enough, and hereafter have pain as a direct result?

Doesn't sound plausible to me. What does her gynocologist say? If the connection is as she suggests, you'd think more people would voice complaints about this.

that's what I thought. I can understand having sex, there not being enough lubrication, and maybe there being some pain as a result the next day/week. But 6 years later? Re-occuring? What possible dammage could have been done? She didn't even bleed our first time.

Sex without enough lubrication can lead to vaginal tears, which can cause pain later on, but I doubt that it would be a chronic problem. Did she say what the specific cause of the pain was?

she just said it hurts to have sex now, and blames there not being enough lube the first time. And if there was any tearing, i would imagine there would be bleeding? (of which there wasn't)

6 years later, wtf... that is just weird. Have you two been in touch during that time? Does she have any emotional issues that would cause her to seek out someone to blame for this? I really don't think there's any way that you having sex 6 years ago could possibly have anything to do with her pain now (other than if STD's were involved, which I assume from your mutual virginity that they were not?).

There wouldn't necessarily be any blood with a vaginal tear, but it would heal on its own simply by abstaining from sex for some time, the amount of time depending on the severity.

Abaya might be on to something. This sounds like it might be a psychological problem. If there is currently pain for her, it's more likely something that's either a chronic problem she already had your first time, or there was an intervening cause. It would be very difficult to tell from what little you've given us.

Her best course of action would be to see her gynecologist.

This all sounds very odd to me. Why would someone call you and tell you that? Has she actually proven that this is the case?

I was having problems with pain during sex for a long time, and I found out it was a yeast infection. I had no idea because that was the only symptom I had.

Sounds like she needs to make a trip to the gyno and stop acting immature!

Yeah, no, that's ridiculous.

Look: dry sex can cause pain and tissue damage, but we human beings have this amazing ability to heal injuries. She's LONG healed from any damage that got done. Any pain she experiences during sex these days is totally on her.

To clarify: we've talked off an on over the years, but our relationship had been so passionate that when it ended, it ended with a heavy sour note in the air, and it's taken years to clear the air of it. She claims she has no emotional issues about it, and says' she's happy that it was with someone she loved, etc. So i don't think it's a mental thing. She said she didnt have sex for a year afterward, so any tearing would have healed by then. I don't know how to apporach her about this though, she isnt trying to BLAME me, but i feel it's important for both of us to figure it out, especialy if in her mind I'm the cause of her pain. I sent her a message asking if she's seen a doctor, I would assume so for normal female gyno visits...

Her gynocologist would definitively be the person to talk to. I mean, theoretically, a tear from your first time could lead to that bit of the vaginal wall having some scar tissue, which could lead to some pain, but that possibility is soooo remote compared to (for instance) something as simple (and easy to get) as the yeast infection mentioned earlier.

I doubt she has had a yeast infection for the last 7 years un-aware... Oh well.

It may not be psychological. Some women have an allergy to semen. It can cause swelling of the labia and painful intercourse. She may have this, not realize it, and have chosen to blame you instead of discovering the facts.

I would send her a bottle of lube and tell her to try it.

It may just solve her problem unless it is something more serious and she is still in the dark about the workings of her vagina.

It is possible to have one for a really long time and not know it. I took meds for it when I found out the problem and then it kept coming back over and over for about a year. Turns out that my boyfriend and I were passing it back a forth without knowing it. Guys can get yeast infections too.

Hahaha. No. Don't worry, you didn't break her vajay-jay. :)

I think shes just looking for someone to blame. I cant really see how something like that could cause all sex for her to hurt. If it were really the case I would think alot more women would be in the same boat. I think most young couples starting out don't have lube.