Which is more intimate,... and why?
 

This is surely obvious to others but some will still debate on it.
Which one is more intimate? Kissing or intercourse and why?

Kissing....by that I mean real, saliva exchanging, open mouth kissing. I don't know about men :expressionless: but for this woman, intercourse can seem at times to be robotic. :o :p But there is something about using the face when interacting with another person, that seems more intimate to me....it involves all 5 senses I guess.
Intercourse might be more of a bodily violation....but kissing more intimate imo.

Kissing is not a biological need like sex. You don't have to kiss when you have sex. It's more voluntary and immediate.

Kissing is way more intimate.

Kissing is way more intimate (at least the way I do it).

Kissing is far more emotionally intimate.

Intercourse, assuming by this that you mean heterosexual vaginal sex, always seemed coldly mechanical to me, like I was a thing to be used for his pleasure, but I was never able to connect closely to any of my boyfriends, so that probably interferes with my ability to look at this question objectively.

Then again, there really is no way to be objective here, so that hardly makes me unique.

I've always found oral sex to be more intimate than intercourse, but less so than kissing and even snuggling.

Kissing is more intimate, because it allows for much more emotion and dedication. Kissing seems much more voluntary and personal.

Intercourse can be very intimate too, but intimate sex usually involves kissing, no?

Ofcourse you could compare really intimate sex with rough impersonal kissing and find sex to be more intimate, but by default I think kissing is more intimate.

I believe that it's more intimate to do both at the same time. Slow and passion filled.

kissing....definately

Here's your answer: Many porn stars engage in sex (duh) but they wont tolerate their on-screen partner kissing them.

I would rather spend hours of passionate kissing than quick sex any day.

Therefore, imo, kissing is far more intimate.

Kissing is much more intimate. For some reason, I don't have too much of a problem of considering sex with someone I don't particularly like or know. But when someone leans in close enough to feel my breath on his lips, or has his fingers tracing my hairline, I have to really know and or like him. It feels much more vulnerable to me.

i would have to say kissing. my reason for this is brief: i have done both & sex does not feel like kissing. there is not that connection, that exchange of breathe, the same passion. nor, in my opinion, does sex leave you nearly as vulnerable as kissing does.

Hard to say for me - I've had some very intimate kisses and some very intimate sex.

There's nothing quite like a first kiss with someone new, but there's also nothing like a first time with someone new.

I thought I would be able to pick something by the time I got to the end of my post, but I can't - I find them both very intimate, especially together. Intimate kissing often leads to intimate sex and the kissing doesn't suddenly stop during the sex, it intensifies.

-Tamerlain

Oh, kissing, for sure. The feel of another person's lips on yours...mmm. It's just so nice.

I think that kissing while having intercourse is pretty intimate...

Intimacy is in the moment. When all my awareness is on the person before me and she shares that space with me. There is simplicity in a kiss. It’s easy but no less meaningful.

Then there are those moments. When in the process of making love…I just happen to take in everything about this wonderful woman with me and for a split seconds I just know she is there with me…that feels amazing, if not a little overwhelming...in a very good way.

I think that they both have the ability to be very intimate but kissing is more intimate more often. Kissing is more personal and face to face (literally) than sex but sex can be more intimate than kissing and it has been for me many times. Then of course there's times when you're doing both, which is very intimate as well.

You know, I hate to be the dissenter here...

In every relationship I've ever had, I've kissed her LONG before I had intercourse with her. I've kissed girls that I had no particular emotional feelings about. I've never had intercourse with someone I wasn't in love with. So either I don't understand how we're using the word "intimate", or I have to disagree and say that intercourse is much more intimate than kissing.

Look: you can kiss in public without getting arrested. Try that with intercourse.

I don't know. Kissing in certain elements is very intimate, but intercourse, man oh man is that intimate. I can't think that you could have intercourse without being intimate.

I think its the relationship that either makes a kiss or sex intimate.

With my wife, we can have a quick peck on the lips while saying goodbye, or a quick romp in the sack to get the jitters out. Neither of which is particularly 'intimate'

However, we can also kiss passionately or really connect with each other during intercourse. Both of which are EXTREMELY intimate. I don't think it is the physical action either way, but the feelings behind which determine the intimacy.

So intimate equals "sweet"?

For me, intimacy means openness, vulnerability, and an emotional connection. Some of the roughest sex I've ever had has been extremely intimate. There have been times when lurkette and I have roleplayed rape fantasies, for instance. It's all inside fantasy and completely safe, but I'll tell you, the vulnerability and intimacy on both of our parts was astonishing. But there was nothing "tender" or "sweet" about it.

intimate is not equal to sweet.

those were examples...

In my view, kissing is more intimate because you are involving yourself more deeply with the other person. Sex can sometimes be separate from the other person, it's almost impossible to do the same with kissing. How often have you heard of someone being "used for kisses", or describing a "meaningless, animal kiss"?

You all say kissing is more intimate, but what happens if someone cheats?

Kissing someone else is usually forgiven, while having intercourse with someone else can be grounds for divorce.

If kissing is more intimate, then why don't people get divorced more often when someone "slips" and kisses someone else?

I've been thinking about this one for a while, and I think that sex has the most capacity for intimacy, which I'm defining as close, unspoken personal connection with another human being. That's not to say that kissing can't be more intimate than some sexual encounters. For instance, I felt more intimate kissing my wife when we first started dating than I ever did while fucking the brains out of some skank I picked up in a bar and never called again (yes, I've been that guy). That's one of the reason I married her and will almost certainly never cheat on her.

So there is this girl I know... We have one of thoes relationships... She calls or I call...

We've only ever kissed once.

I show up, drop my pants... you know the rest. No kissing.

He speaketh the truth once again!

Depending on how one looks at it. I choose to believe that sex has exponentially more intimacy than kiss. It's when two people are in the nude, every thing about them is exposed, and therefore are vulnerable to the other. To be vulnerable and still feel safe is pretty damn amazing.

Quoted for truth.

Kissing can be very intimate, but you're not as vulnerable as during a kiss as you are during sex. Showing that kind of trust in someone is much more intimate.

Doesn't it depend on how much you value sex as a means of expressing your exclusivity to someone? I have to say that I'm fairly "easy" in my attitude to sex. Someone who saves their virginity for ther wedding night is obviously going to see it differently than someone who is happy to go home with someone who charms her in a bar.

We have to remember to compare apples to apples.

Sure, we kiss earlier in a relationship than we have intercourse, commonly on the first date, and that kiss is going to reflect a lesser degree of intimacy than one would need for intercourse. But that isn't a fair comparison, because it's a comparison of different stages of the relationship, and earlier is naturally going to be less intimate than later.

When I compare the kind of kissing one does as the relationship progresses to intercourse that occurs at that same point in the relationship, I find that the kissing is, for me, more intimate.

Intercourse may require a higher level of intimacy, but isn't itself, at least in my mind, more intimate.

I am glad to read all the contributions.
As for me I will take kissing because if a lady truely accepts to kiss me passionately then sex will surely come but the reverse is not always true as many have pointed out.

Intimacy in my opinion is what makes BOTH partners feel closer to the other. This could be kissing, passionate lovemaking, both at the same time...whatever. It is all dependent on what each individual couple feels.

For all you who say kissing is more intimate than sexual intercourse...

Count the number of different people, throughout your life, that you've french-kissed with for more than a minute's duration. (You know, you were really kissing with that person.) Then count the number of different people you've had sexual intercourse with, throughout your life. Then compare the two numbers.

Still think kissing is more intimate than sexual intercourse? ;)

Anyway... I think what's even most intimate is french-kissing while having sexual intercourse. I cannot think of a more intimate act than cradling someone's head and/or caressing their face, while french-kissing with them and having sexual intercourse with them. (Then again, gazing into each other's eyes and peering into each other's souls, while having sexual intercourse, is pretty damn intimate as well. :hearts: )

I did this....french kissing is way more intimate......:p :D

Yes, using the criteria I listed earlier. That french kiss I share with a person I'm not having sex with is a lot more intimate than the intercourse we're not having. When the relationship progresses to sexual intimacy, the kissing has likewise changed in meaning to where it means more than those early ones did.

:confused:
Many prostitutes say the same thing. But I can't help think that prostitutes and porn stars who say this are fooling themselves in order to cope with a job that involves LOTS of sex with MANY different partners.

Sorry. What I meant was that if I'm kissing someone, but not having sex with that person, the kiss is more intimate than the sex because there is no sex.

I agree with Gilda - even when you're not talking about one-night stands (in which case sex has little or nothing to do with intimacy anyway), it's about the stages of your relationship with the other person.

How many people have you held a joint bank account with? Fewer than you're had sex with I'm guessing. Does that make sharing a bank account a more intimate act? No. It probably does require more trust (and intimacy) though.

Back on topic, kissing is still a far more intimate thing than the actual sex to me when we're having sex.

I am not comfortable hugging people i don't have a close relationship with - kissing - even just that overly obnoxious let's kiss everyone we know hello and goodbye thing that's done drives me crazy -it's such an invasion of personal space.

Kissing is far more intimate than sex - with sex -that person is invited into personal space - -kissing that person is taking a chance on the invitation - more risk and it's more intimate because of where it could lead.