cadre

Technically, I was in college when I was fifteen. Community colleges don't require you to graduate from high school to take classes so I assume that's why she was in college.

As far as the original question, no I don't believe it's wrong. I don't even really think it's wrong for someone 18-21 to date a 14-15 year old however I'd say that there are circumstances where it can be appropriate and circumstances where it is not. I'm sad to say that it seems like most of the circumstances are not ones where I would approve of someone that old dating someone that young. First of all, as mature as she may seem, she is still only 14-15 and there is alot of growing up between 15 and 18 (at least for women). Plus in my experience someone is always seeking to use the other person, which never ends well. And then there's the illegal part, but that varies from place to place, even in the US. (ie-the age of consent in Florida is 17 if the other party is under a certain age I believe and in Arizona it is okay if the two parties are within two years of age)

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Xazy

Is it wrong is it moral is it legal all different things. But some 15 year olds are more mature then some adults I know. Some 15 year olds don't look 15 as well. Attraction is based on a number of different variables, so yes you can be attracted to someone who might be jail bait. But at the end of the day, she still might be jail bait, despite any emotional / physical desires you might have (Might be, since age of consent varies from state to state). But on the whole I think society would look down on someone seeing a minor it would be construed as taking advantage of a child.

spindles

My question is - which 18-21 males does not find 15 year girls attractive? I'm in my thirties - doesn't stop me looking at younger girls. Never thinking about acting but there ain't no law in looking.

Before anyone asks - yes older guys in bars chatting up really young girls are creepy!

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Ourcrazymodern?

yeah, well, no gun, y'know? (whoops)

...I thought laws tried to be moral...

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analog

15 and 18 is a lot different than 14 and 21. I don't care if it's legal in your area or not, that's just kinda... that's a big difference in age, for that age period. I don't see what a male of 21 would really see in a 14 year old girl but himself in her pants. Any male 21 years old who actually cares about a 14 year old is either very lacking in maturity, or is with the most mature 14 year old ever.

I just can't imagine too many instances where it wouldn't be weird. I think there's also a big enough role in physical development that a 21 and 16 year old is a big enough difference from 14. Again, it would depend on the girl... but I would still say any 21 year old fishing that low in the age pool is just looking to 1. have sex with a more innocent girl, 2. have sex with a virgin, or 3. just have sex with any girl, but girls his own age won't do it with him because he's too immature.

[EDIT] Made the thread title all fit in.

Gilda

There's nothing wrong with being sexually attracted to any person who is sexually mature, so that part is easy to deal with. If that is the primary or exclusive attraction, which is called ephebophilia, it's unhealthy if it prevents or significantly interferes with connecting sexually and emotionally to to others your own age.

As to whether it would be wrong to act on it, that's something that's very difficult to pin down and must be decided on an individual basis. Maturity levels, actual age difference, and the specific type of relationship are all factors that need to be taken into account. If a 21-year-old had wanted to date my sister when she was 15, I'd have been very reluctant to go along with that because of age issues and safety issues unique to her situation. An 18-year-old probably wouldn't have been as problematic, particularly if he were still in high school at the time. At 21, she's free to pursue whom she pleases; I've seen her on dates with a guy in his 30's and with a 17-year-old freshman; neither was a problem for me. I'm more concerned with how he treats her as a person than his age. Once you get past about 20 years old, age differences become much less important unless they're on the extreme side.

In short, age difference is one factor among many to consider. Individuals vary. There's nothing wrong with those guys being attracted to your sister; whether it's a good idea for her to date them is going to depend on the specifics of the situation.

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Toaster126

Legally, depending on where you are, it can be wrong or not.

Morally, I think it's perfectly fine. Something can trigger your ick factor and still be morally okay.

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Deltona Couple

Wow it's interesting seeing such a wide variety of opinions on this. Thats why I LOVE this place. To put in my $.02 worth, I can understand a physical attraction between parties of different ages as normal. It's not a MORAL situation, it is merely nature and the physics of reproduction. Science has shown that when two people are sexually attracted to each other(assuming both parties are of different sexes), that most sexual attractions are designated in the parts of the brain involving reproduction (meaning that it is the basic need to mate and reproduce that brings about a sexual attraction).
Personally I have had to deal with my part of being pointed at, because I am 38, and my wife is 27. We met when she was 17, and I was 28, and we haven't been appart since. She is very nurturing and attentive to my kids that I have, and we just "clicked" the right way when we talked. Our relationship is the most secure and comfortable one I have EVER been in. I trust her explicitly, and have no worries or concerns. To be honest, I feel like she is the part of my soul that was missing...I know, corny, but its the truth. Now is everyone going to sit there and say I am wrong in pursuing this relationship? Personally I don't care. It all has to do with the situation, and how BOTH parties feel. Now I do agree that someone that is trying to date a girl that is underage, i.e. say under 16, and that person is 21, or 22, then it DOES bring about some question to their intentions....But I say it should be on a case by case basis.

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Jinn

It's interesting how quickly the conversation became about dating and sex when the OP made no mention.

I find absolutely nothing wrong, abhorrent, discusting, icky, or otherwise maladaptive about finding a member of the opposite (or same) sex attractive, regardless of their age, whether it be 10 or 50.

I also don't see anything wrong with having maniacal fantasties about slaughtering thousands of people, burning people alive, killing animals, having sex with animals, neutering oneself, impaling another individual on a spear, or raping and sodomizing tens of thousands of young jewish boys.

Why? Because I draw an incredibly strong line between the realm of thought and imagination and the world of reality. Some people seem to have the impression that "if you think it, you must want to do it.." but I do not subscribe to that belief at all. I can think about all I want, from good to bad, and mean nothing by it. It is my words and actions that determine my morality, not what crosses my mind, aimlessly or otherwise.

So think about whatever you want, be "attracted" to whomever you want. If you, however, ACT on those thoughts -- you must be prepared for any and all consequences of such action.

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Frozen North

Speaking as a 22-year-old, I can understand calling a 14 or 15-year-old "cute" but emotional attraction is out of question. I've never met anyone that age who would be even close to mature enough for me to be emotionally attracted to her. An 18-year-old dating a 15-year-old, on the other hand, could easily be acceptable, in my opinion.

Valentina

I don't know. I was just barely 14 when I lost my virginity to an 18-year-old. (I got my period at 11, so from a purely physical standpoint, I had been "sexually mature" for several years.) We were together for the next five years. It was a pretty good relationship. I was fairly mature for my age, and I wanted the sex. I don't look back on it and say, "Oh my god, I was so naive and confused back then, I can't believe he took advantage of me in such a shameful way."

kel

Acting on it might be on a case by case basis much like relationships between adults can destructive. 9 times out of 10 it would not end up being a productive relationship but it can be a learning experience. Better they learn from someone more mature (crosses fingers). The real issue with girls that age is pregnancy and birth control. All too commonly not used. Everything else will heal and make them stronger.

Is it illegal? Sure. So is self-defense, medication, and sodomy.

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Sharon

What about the other way around? Is it okay for a girl of a certain age to be attracted to a man who's much older (or much younger) than she is?

Seaver

I was mature enough for sex at 15. We used condoms and the pill. How is that too immature for sex when now at 24 I haven't used condoms in my last two relationships?

Don't just make the sweeping arguments. If at 16 we are capable of forcing half-ton pieces of equipment at 70mph in any weather environment why are they not capable of understanding what a penis or vagina is for?

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Daniel_

Seaver wins the thread!

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
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The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
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The Phenomenon

Wrong? No. A 15/16 year old girl looks/smells very much like an 18 year old. Sexual attraction to them is natural. Acting on it however, is a whole different thing. Your penis doesn't ask for ID before it gets going... However, when you get to even younger such as 12/13 where she looks less like a woman and more like a little girl, thats where you start getting a REAL problem and is most definitely wrong.

Emotional attraction has little do with age and more to do with relative maturity.

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