Miss Mango

Is it wrong for a male of 18-21 to find a 14-15 year old physically and emotionally attractive?

It worries me when guys who are older than me find my younger sister attractvie (shes fifteen). I almost always end up warning her off them, I dont think shed go out with them but it scares me.

But on the other hand, I think that all things have to be taken into consideration. Its not a matter of age so much as personality, interests, opinions, maturity levels, mental capacities...Just the same as with any other relationship. I just hope that the parties involved take everything into deep consideration and handle it responsibly.

hrandani

Yeah. It is.

It happens though, especially in cultures which don't place as much importance on education and advancement.

Furthermore, it's against the law.

"Insert sounds of bars slamming here"

Lucifer

I think that every situation is different, and you have to weigh the maturity of the people involved. Maybe one of the guys that dates your sister, will be better for her than someone of her own age.
As it happens, I dated a girl who was 15 when I was 21. I was much more mature than another guy of her own age whom she had dated previously, and all he wanted to do was get her into bed. Her parents knew about me, (her father and I were friends), and they were okay with it. I also dated and lived with a girl when I lived in Europe. When we started dating, she was 15 and I was 27. We were together for about 3 years. Her parents approved of me, and we are still good friends.

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shesus

This is a tricky one because the ages are so close, but the maturity level is usually decades apart. So much happens between 18 and 21 let alone the younger ages of teenagehood. I think that your sister should be able to take care of herself though as long as she is staying in public places. If she's not interested, she'll need to be able to tell them no for herself. If she is interested, well there isn't much anyone can do really. Teenagers are pretty stubborn and rebelious. The more one says no, the more they're fighting to do it. At least in my experiences with myself and my step-daughter.

When I was 16, I had men in their low-20s that wanted to date me. They were very immature themselves so we met at that level. However, I wasn't attracted to them much. Sort of creeped me out in a way. I remained friends with them because we worked together, but I had to make it clear that I wasn't interested...tough sometimes. :\

Snowy is right though...it is illegal so action can be taken if something were to occur.

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amonkie

You also gottta remember, 15 and 18 is the same age difference as 21 and 24 ... which is socially a MUCH more accepted pairing.

Just remember ... the laws in the United states can carry some harsh consequences. Even if the relationship is consentual, if someone DOES decide to press charges (ie your parents) the older of the two people will be carrying a record with him for the rest of his life. Is the girl (or guy) worth dating that much to you?

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CandleInTheDark

No, it is not wrong to have an attraction; it may or may not be wrong to act on those impulses (situationally specific).

Men evolved to find post-pubescent women/girls attractive due to fertility and energy available to raise a family. I cannolt confirm this through a source, but I have read that the world wide average age of the perfect wife from surveyed men was 17 years old. Given a normal distribution it is certainaly probably that many find younger teenagers attractive.

Whether or nor someone chooses to act on this impulse, their intent, and the emotional and physical states of both the attracted and attractor come into play to determine whether acting out your desires in wrong.

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Willravel

It's perfectly natural, but it's illegal. She can date them, but she can't do anything with them for another 3 years.

desal75

Maybe my views are shaped by having worked in a school but I don't think anyone over 18 should date someone who is 15. Period. Irregardless of maturity level

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Dilbert1234567

it'd disagree with will here, its not OK to date them, hang out in public sure, but not date. a few years ago, i went out with a woman who was 15, i was 18, of course i did not know she was 15 at the time, she was attending the same college as me so i thought she was 18 at least. long story short, we got stopped by a cop who happened to know her from a previous offense and i got the third degree for the next hour. i was accused of being a horrible human being just because i was with her. its just not a good idea to be alone with some one who is underage.

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Sultana

I agree. I was very mature for my age at 15--in fact, I graduated from high school at 15--but I fail to see what good can come of putting a 15-year-old (or an 18+-yr-old) in a situation like that.

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Willravel

I would have taken down that cop's badge number and read his boss the riot act for allowing his offiers to make personal observations as if he were enforcing the law. Unless you had sexual relations with her, you were not breaking the law and that officer was completely out of line saying anything to you, let alone lecturing you. It's dick cops like that who make the force look bad.

Still, she was completely wrong for lying to you, and it begs the question: how did she get into college?

Halx

I know when I was that age, I wanted that girl from the Harry Potter movies.

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Coppertop

Here come the thought police:Where are these laws written? And how could they possibly be enforced? I say, no, it is not wrong in and of itself. But then, I value freedom of thought. Your mileage may vary.

Willravel

Sorry, BUT IT IS AGAINST THE LAW TO HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH A MINOR. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statutory_rape

Thought police, indeed. Did you miss the part where I said it okay to date them, just not to have sexual relations? Jeez.

World's King

The whole thing is a cluster fuck of moral and law.


Which by the way, are and should be kept seperate.



I happen to be at the local mall a few dats ago. It was just before school started again in my area. And DAMN... I know 95% of the girls where under 17 but none of which acted or looked it. I had a hard time not looking. Would I ever act on the impulse... ? No. But damn. I wish I was in high school again.

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Coppertop

The point, will, is that the OP said nothing about sexual relations.

Willravel

No, the point is that you read only half my post before responding to it. Also, do you know any 18-21 year old men/boys who date and abstain from sex? Not too many...

Carno

I don't think it is wrong, but I do think it is weird. Makes me wonder what's wrong with the older person that they can't date someone their own age.....

Halx

Chill you two! If there's grass on the field, play ball!

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Shadow_fire

Here in Canada, age of consent is 14...and I'm a "maturity stunted" 18 year old...I happen to like a girl who is 15 and I'm pretty sure she is way more mature than me haha...But yeah I think 18-15 would be fine...now 21-14...huge difference...

AbigailAlfano

To me, it seems a 15 year old and an 18 year old dating would be okay..(They could still both be in highschool). But, a 15 year old and a 21 year old...I'd have to say "No, not okay".
And, I feel the same way whether the 15 year old is the guy or the gal.
There's my two cents.

mixedmedia

Well, for one thing, I think there is a vast difference between an 18 yo male and a 21 yo male. I'd like to think that a 21 yo male would have moved on to girls more his age whereas an 18 yo still relating to girls they might have been in high school with a year before is more to be expected.

But that said, neither scenario concerns me too much "morally." Yet, in many states such relationships are illegal and that needs to be given consideration.

And I think will's point about 18-21 yo males and their rarely dating without the expectation of sex is completely valid and realistic. No reason to pile so much grief on him about it.

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Coppertop

This thread shows that the issue is a highly emotional one for many, and that some people can not, or perhaps will not, look at the issue rationally. And so, in the words of a man much wiser than me:

"That's all I have to say about that."

Daniel_

It's not illegal in the UK, or Canada.

The OP has not said where she lives, so it may be legal but creepy...

In the UK, we have no Statutory Rape law (in fact i didn't understand what one was for years), we have an age of consent (16, for all hetero and homosexual acts) and anyone that's over it can do what they like.

Is it wrong for an older man to desire a very young woman? Not in the least - he's biologically programmed to WANT to, and she's programmed to respond.

(Please note I said young woman - not child; I'm assuming the woman in question is not pre-pubescent at 15).

The law may tell him that he's not to act on his natural desires, but that doesn't make the desires wrong per-se, it just makes the abuse of power that an older man lusting after a younger woman can lead to less likely.

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filtherton

The short answer to the op is that it depends on the people involved.

Willravel

I guessed that mangos are much more common in the US than in the UK or Canada.

Dilbert1234567

back to the OP, next time it happened, find a bit of private time with the individual, calmly remind them that she is your sister, she is young, and if they lay a hand on her, you'll cut there #$^#$% off and feed it to them.

or at least that's what I'd do if i had a little sister.

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mixedmedia

Well, if the age of consent is 16 in the UK, then it would be illegal...right? Or, am I missing something?

*edit* and I would be fully supportive of such an umbrella consent law in the states. It would save a lot of wasteful jurisprudence.

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skier

At my last job, there was a girl that was 15 (turned 16 while i worked there) that would flirt with basically everyone there. Other than herself, nobody there was under 18. I could definitely see the maturity levels and personal morals of my various coworkers in the way they reacted to her teenage flirting. Some would treat her strictly in a platonic way, or discourage her behavior, others would be more comfortable with it and treat her like a little sister or similar to it with no real interest, and i would see a few take it seriously and i have no doubt would screw her if given the opportunity (which they were also looking for).

I guess i found it more disturbing from an experience standpoint rather than just an age thing. There were 20, 21 year old guys hitting on this 15 year old for no other reason than to try to fuck her, and they knew exactly what they were doing. By the time you're past your teens, i believe you have had enough time to mature into an adult, even if you still haven't figured everything out completely. As an adult, You have a responsibility to be a role model, a mentor, a teacher to these younger kids. Becoming thier partner or lover implies a certain amount of abuse of that responsibility. That person is taking advantage of thier experience and physical/emotional development to... coerce that younger person into a relationship they may not be physically or emotionally prepared for. A 15 year old girl is still a CHILD. She has not finished developing physically, and i'm not talking secondary sexual characteristics. Her brain is still developing and maturing and in a very real way a 15 year old that has had intercourse is still very naive and confused about the world and how it should function. I think it's shameful for someone more mature and experienced to take advantage simply because they can.

Laws serve as a framework and a moral guideline that establish the rules and regulations society has agreed on as a whole... sometimes those laws are outdated or do not accurately represent true societal values but are still enforced (or lack enforcement). While here in alberta it is technically legal for a 30 year old to have a consentual relationship with a 14 year old, i do not think there would be many people who would feel it is appropriate or even sane to do so.

I guess i've just been trying to explain my own moral standpoint on this issue.... not sure if it's the most popular opinion since i think a 20 year old dating a 16 year old is immoral on the part of the 20 year old, and i've known a few people who have done so.

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Ourcrazymodern?

When my daughter started dating young men older than she was, it concerned me. Once she came of age, less so BUT! She seems to trade them in every few years for older models, and the current one is closer to my age than he is to hers...
Agreeing with others: 21/14 seems creepy, 18/15 not so much.
Legalities aside, love springs eternal.

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hrandani

I disagree with you, therefore I am the thought police.

Fair enough. Tell me how forestalling rational discussion with divisive, name-calling and inflammatory remarks in support of your opinion supports freedom of thought. I appreciate how you valued my opinion, because after all, it's not wrong in and of itself.

Ourcrazymodern?

Q: Is any opinion wrong in and of itself?
A: Not until somebody disagrees with it strongly enough to object to it. Then it's up to the referees.
I found my daughter in the shower with one of these guys. Ever thereafter his nickname has been "Woody". Damnable circumstances...

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hagatha

When I was in highschool my friend, who was 15, dated this guy who was 22, he was pretty immature so it made sense and they eventually married (and as far as I know still are). As well, I do a lot of family tree research and have noticed that a lot of my ancestors were married as teens to men in their early to late 20's. It was not unusual back then and there were no real laws in place to prevent it.
Personally, I think if a guy is in his early to late twenties and dating a teenage girl he is emotionally immature and probably intimidated by women of his own age. I still think anyone too young to vote is still a child and has a lot of emotional growth to experience. If I had a daughter that age and some guy in his twenties was sniffing around I would track him down like a dog and cut off his balls.
But that's just me.

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slimshaydee

I'm 22 and I can't say that I find 14-15 year old girls emotionally attractive, but physically attractive I deffinately do. When I see a 14-15 year old who's extremely attractive and flaunting this fact that it's only natural that I become turned on. The girls I tend to find to be both emotionally and physically attractive to me are in the 17-20 age group. I consider myself reasonably intelligent (I'm a college graduate), but emotional wise I'm on about the same level as 17-20 year old girls.

H12

With the idea that once you're legal adults you can't date anybody who is 15-17, yet when you're growing up you can only legally date people below 18...it's weird to me to see there's not even more of a "withdrawal" effect of sorts for adults. Not to say that the more exaggerated form of this is okay (a 35-year-old dating an 8-year-old), but considering how lots of people still keep in contact with their high school friends and town after they turn 18 and that women in the high school age range have grown to be more mature physically and mentally than years before, I don't see how the attraction can be avoided.

So, no, the attraction isn't wrong...but if you want to act on it, I would make sure everybody involved is PERFECTLY fine with it.

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wisj2

When my best friend and I were 16 a new girl moved into the neighborhood. She was 12 at the time. After observing this girl in the park a few times my buddy told me that he was going to marry that girl!

He was the newspaper carrier in the neighborhood so he got to know the girl and her mother fairly well over the next two years till we both went away to college. He dated other girls but when that girl turned 16 he started dating her.

They got married when my friend was a senior in college and she was in her senior year in high school. That was over 35 years ago and they are still happily married today.

little_tippler

Every situation is different. Putting aside the uproar that seems to have been generated by this thread, I'd like to return to the OP.


Physically, I'd say it can be just a natural response to a female body that is just coming of age and is possibly quite "nubile". Also, it depends on the 15 year old. All of you must have seen 15 year olds who look more like they're 18 walking about these days. Also, some girls are 15 but are emotionally years ahead.

Emotionally, I'd find that pretty odd, if the difference was 14 - 21. At 14 you're in the middle of adolescence, and the 21 y-old male is going into young adulthood. 15 - 18 doesn't really bother me much. I can give you examples - when I was 16 I had a crush on a guy of 13. Is it wrong that way around? When I was 17/18 I had a 23 year old boyfriend. So, age can be very relative. And then again, it can be important too.

I'd say generally it wouldn't be right to act on those impulses, with the wider age gap, and particulary if the maturity level wasn't that present.

I have to remind you that the OP only said that the guys said they were attracted to her. Not that they would act on it, or wanted to have sex with her, or any of that. So I can't really condemn it. What I will say is that if your sister is that attractive to that age group of men, she should take care and protect herself as much as possible - though I'm sure you know that a girl that age attracting attention from 18-21 y-olds is probably pretty excited about it. What girl of 15 doesn't dream of having a slightly older boyfriend, who already has a car etc.?

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abaya

Keep in mind that demographically, the rate of mortality was much higher at younger ages then... people were lucky to live past 50, in many places. Not that I'm saying it was any more "right" or wrong then, but I personally believe that our "ancestors" were forced to mature a lot younger then than we are now, which of course affected the culture and gender expectations.

E.g. a 15 year old girl back then was a woman, not a girl... expected to be fully capable of all the things that someone who is maybe 25-30 now would be able to do. I don't know about you, but I don't know many 15 year olds today who are anywhere near capable of that kind of responsibility... including deciding whether or not they are emotionally and financially ready to have sex and deal with any and all consequences independently of their parents and partner.

In any case, I dated a 17 year old (junior) when I was 14 (sophomore)... but given that we were only one year apart in school, it didn't seem to matter that much. We were also evangelicals, so we didn't even kiss (once on the cheek, and that was exciting )... but my parents still freaked out about us being alone together (Asian mom thing).

I don't know what I would do if I was the parent in that situation, but probably would have laid down some pretty strict boundaries and had some serious talks about STD's, pregnancy, and condoms with BOTH of them in front of me. Then I'd kick him in the balls. (kidding, sorta)

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World's King

Wait... you found your daughter in the shower with a guy and all you did was give him a cute nickname? How old is your daughter? And there has to be more to the story.

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Daniel_

Well - Mangoes are my daughters favourite fruit and they have them in my local store most weeks, in several verieties...

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝