Monogamous group sex
 

This is spinning off of Halx's SEX FANTASIES thread, but it was one I was planning to post anyway.

There are two kinds of fantasies, those that are cool to think about, and those that you actually want to do. I've been thinking about my fantasies, and I've decided that one is pretty feasible and I want to try it. Before I figure out how to talk my wife into it, I need to do some groundwork.

I want monogamous group sex. It sounds like an oxymoron, but when I first heard the term, I realized it was the perfect description for what I've been wanting to try for a long time. I want to have sex with only my wife, in a place where other people are also having sex.

The problem is finding the other people. (I know Sultana wants this as well, but we're on opposite coasts :icare: .) Our college friends are very vanilla, they don't even joke about sex. Our local friends are generally the parents of 4 year old kids (that's how we meet them), and we don't really know them well enough to even begin to go there.

Any ideas from anybody out there? I'm pretty stumped.

xome people find it easier to open up to strangers rather than open up to couples you know.

but from what im understanding, your fetish is an exhibitionist one, but in a public place where others do the right thing?..hmmmm... kind of reminds me of that tom cruise movie a little..eyes wide shut??

Adult Friend Finder or perhaps some likewise internet venue for meeting people?

My side is the voyeurism side; my wife is more on the exhibition side. This should cover everything. I'm not sure what you mean by "right thing"; what I'm looking for is a fully consensual situation. People having sex around/near us, and us having sex with each other.
I hadn't considered that. But would we be considered too vanilla for venues like that?

I suppose telling you to come visit Georgia wouldnt help you would it hehehehe

Not necessarily. I mean, what you are considering is not "vanilla." ;)

I'll be frank and make an admission here. Adult Friendfinder is where I met my current boyfriend and neither of us are what you would consider "wild" or "swingers." In fact, we had both been members of the site for just a few days when we met. Granted, I think there was a good deal of luck involved in our finding each other. But it's worth a shot. You don't have to make any commitments or reveal anything personal about yourself to post an ad there. You can just throw something out there and see what you catch. You never know. By all means though, this is only a suggestion. I wouldn't want to encourage you to try something that might make you or your wife uncomfortable.

Dave and I met here

http://www.redpersonals.com/

its a lot like AFF (but better, I couldnt stand AFF and red provided several "opportunities" for my BDSM lifestyle hehehehe and then provided me a husband

I thought group sex was something else entirely (read orgy) though come to think of it I've heard people referring to what you said, and they've said it was very exciting. These tales came from the past, you understand.
Talk to your wife, unless you don't dare, and go from there. She might put her foot down, say NFW, and that would be the end of it, wouldn't it?

May be worth exploring the idea with her indirectly if you aren't sure how she will react. Say nonchalantly that you read (or that a colleague was talking) about people who have sex in groups, but only with each other, etc, and watch her reaction to it, see if she seems curious, or dismissive, etc, and go from there.

I've done this, but I was a bit younger, in a relationship less committed than marriage and everyone was more experimental anyway.

Yes, redlemon, I know what you mean... I have that fantasy, too, of having sex *around* other people who are having sex, but not *with* people other than my husband. Sort of a live-porn effect, you might say. Then again, sometimes I wonder if we might not get carried away and want to touch and interact with those fucking around us... but I believe there are boundaries for all of those things, so maybe it wouldn't be a problem. Let me know what you find out! :)

I need to find a girlfriend first, but this is one of my fantasies also. It is wild enough, but not crazy.

Here would be a fun DVD based game to play with other monogamous couples.
http://greatsexgames.com/intense.html

You know the real problem with orgy-style more than one-on-one group sex? You never know quite why she's moaning. Could be because of something you're doing. Could be because of something she's doing. The normal rules of feedback and communication are all messed up.

So sex with just your partner in a room of just partners gets you the transgressiveness of group sex without any of the communication snafus. I mean, of course, aside from those snafus that the situation itself adds...

This has, for a long time, been one of my fantasies. I've never spoken with mandy about it, so I'm not entirely sure what kind of reaction I'll get. Plus (I think) we have very sexually-closed-minded friends. I wouldn't want to mention it to them only to get a 'look'.

Like abaya, I worry that I'd get so into it that I'd want to do more than just look at the couples around us. I guess I'd have to be there to find out. :p

So Redlemon, no ideas unfortunately, but I feel your pain brother. :)

sorry red,

when i wrote that response it was 3am here in sydney (im an insomiac, but thats a whole other story), so excuse the spelling mistakes and sentences that dont make sense.

this is what i MEANT to say..
"but in a public place where others do the same thing?". sorry for the confusion.

anyways.. i guess if your mrs bluntly says no, maybe try sex in front of porn first instead of jumping straight into your fantasy.

Just my little interjection here... but I always hated that comment.... If you need to 'talk her into...' doing ANYTHING, then it is a bad idea. If she agrees with your fantasy, and has it herself, THAT is another story....

Other than that, what you fantasize about is actually pretty common. I have heard it coined more commonly as "voyeristic sex orgy", but it's the same thing. Just about ANY online swingers site can help you find others that are like minded in your area. Too many people think that swinger sites are just for swapping partners, but it isn't true. You can find almost any fantasy you want out there. I personally go to www.lovevoodoo.com , they have members from all over that are looking for some of the same things as you. GOOD LUCK! and happy humping!

Deltona Couple beat me to it. I too dislike anything involving 'talking her/him into it' in my opinion that is never a good idea. Perfectly ok to bring up the subject and get your partners opinion of it but if they are against it leave it at that.
As for finding others of like minds, defiantly look into swinger clubs. they should be easy to find and most will have gatherings where you can hang out with others that share your interests. Swinging is not always about swapping.

Good call, Deltona, I missed that. I give Redlemon the benefit of the doubt that he was speaking tongue in cheek when he said that, but it's worth correcting for other readers.

Deltona/Zed: Sorry about the terms I used, and I agree with you. There's "no", and there's "maybe". A maybe can be convinced into a yes, but a no will remain a no and must be respected as such. There's also "yes, but..." which also requires negotiation. In a way, I've had to "talk myself" into it.

Also, I'm doing this research first to make sure that I'm completely comfortable with the logistics of what it would take to pull this fantasy off before I introduce it directly to my wife, and so that I can answer some questions that she might bring up. We have had sex watching porn before, and have discussed some fantasies just from the standpoint of fantasies before, so once I'm completely comfortable, I'll be able to talk to her about it. Also, we enjoy nude beaches, so she's been naked in front of strangers before.

Shani: Unfortunately, I don't see myself visiting Georgia anytime soon. Especially unfortunate since watching a blowjob live is a prime element of the fantasy for me.

ASU: Yeah, I first heard the term "monogamous group sex" from the podcast connected to that adult game store. Cool podcast.

And I'll check out a couple of those finder websites. Perhaps there are others on there who aren't looking to swap, I just assumed that that's what they were for.

One of my wife's absolute steadfast rules is "no sharing". She doesn't mind that I enjoy porn, or that I ogle other women, as long as that energy comes back to benefit her. I believe that this still fits within her rule, but we'll see. If it doesn't happen, it was and will remain fun to think about. She's more important than this fantasy.

I'd interpret the "talking the wife into it" more as a "how to present it to the wife", knowing Redlemon.

:D

Yeah, that's what I meant, above, but much better said. :thumbsup:

heh, you shoulda been here this morning, when I woke Dave up for a special bday bj hehehehehe

Me and the wife have had sex in front of another couple. That's about it. I'd like to get involved in a group setting much like what you're describing Red. She's not totally oppossed to it, but she wants it to be with people she knows. We have the same problem that most of our friends are vanilla. Go figure.

I didn't like lovevoodo because it wants to charge right away. Personally, I found http://playfulswingers.com to be better.

I've had sex with my partner with another couple in the room also having sex a few times, it was awesome!

Hey, we've thrown the same idea around.

I think I have the theme for the next TFP meetup.

:eek: :eek: :eek:
I think you need to buy a webcam M-Lady and let me know the link.. I LOOOOVE to watch a woman give BJs....

And on that same note, Red, have you considered to start maybe going to a webcam chat site and turn on the webcam. It's safer, and if either of you get uncomfortable, it would be an easy flick of the switch to turn it off. No strings attatched, no commitments, and NO chance for things to go too far...Then you can always progress from there....and if you two need an assistant to help, I would volunteer my computer to watch the show!:suave:

I think the webcam idea is a very good one. Also just poke around on the internet and see what you can find in terms of swingers clubs, or maybe people who host parties that involve sex. I bet people get so into it that no one would mind if you only have sex with your wife. Then again you might have to tell other guys to back off asking your wife to join them,

My only question is, with webcams, how do you know the other person isn't somehow recording the thing and planning to sell and/or broadcast it as porn?

Everybody always knocks a little light-hearted, innocent capitalism : (

Its my guess that any random couple that you might find while searching for this kind of satisfaction on the internet has a high chance of scamming you like that. If there is one part of the internet you are most likely to be exploited, its the sexual exchange. Your best choice is to build a rapport with a couple you know personally.

I'd really like to do this as well...think it would be really awesome

hmmm Dave and I are planning on buying a new laptop next week that comes with a built in web cam....I've never had one before....yay for new possibilities

OK Shani, you have me hooked...lol. let me know when you get it all hooked up!....I'll help you two break in the webcam....lol.

At swingers' clubs and events "no means no", so if you can put up with some lighthearted flirting you might be interested in checking one out. An on-site or on-premise club (we have a few in Austin) is one that allows sex within the club, so it'd be good to indulge your wanting to be around/see others having sex. There are many levels of swinging, not just full on swapping. Hope your fantasy works out for y'all!

Woohoo! Party at Halx's!

We don't have a webcam, and Abaya's concern is also my wife's concern. I have some digital pictures of her nude, but they have to be kept password-protected and encrypted. She won't webcam.

Is there any concern of being recorded at a swinger's party, or do they keep photography and videography strictly regulated?

I'd think that if someone has decided to video you without you knowing it, it's going to be done. So you'd have to be with people that you have some measure of trust in, or in an environment that you controlled completely. Naturally I'd advocate doing this with people you know at least a little, and trust at least a little--unless, I suppose, the "total stranger" aspect is part of the fantasy.

I think that in ideal circumstances, doing this with friends of some level would be the best (and hottest, *giggle*). But that's just me, probably involving some of my femininity--I think it's more satistfying to share sexual experiences with someone you have some sort of connection with, although this wouldn't be as intimate as direct sex (lol!), but it's still a sexual experience.

Now you've got me thinking about sex with strangers in a room vs. sex with (certain) friends in the room, and they both have positives and negatives--and I'm getting very distracted!

Isn't it interesting how this fantasy (and it's about #1 on my list too) plays into our need for social and group acceptance?

What greater sign of being "in" is there than the offer of sex. This coming from people you already know and admire would be the ultimate ego boost.

It's like the theme song to Cheers, only dirtier. :)

Does your wife know about the exhibition board here. That might be a way to introduce her to things and warm here up. You said she requires the photos of her to be encrypted, does she know that you have posted on the exhibition board?

red, most swinger orgs that I've seen do not allow any sort of recording or photography. I'm sure that's probably different if you're meeting up with a bunch of people from Craigslist or something, but if you're going to a swinger club, most will explicitly disallow video or pictures in their rules.

As for the MGS, you should check out the Sex is Fun podcast. Episode 14 is specifically dedicated to MGS and the discussion starts at about 16:40.

Secret is right. The swingers clubs that I have been too did not allow any video or photography equipment in the buildng. Now this doesn't mean the people who own the club don't have their own, but in most cases, I'm pretty sure they would ask for your consent before hand. Consent is the main rule when dealing with swingers so it shouldn't be any different for the hosts.

One thing you could try is to just sign up for one of the swingers sites and browse around and chat and see what's up. You can get a good idea of what most people are there for just by chatting. Most will be looking for soft swap with bi-wives, but if you make it clear in your profile that you simply want to have sex in the same room I'm sure you'll find plenty that will be looking for the same. Of course, all of this is moot unless you clear it with the wife first.

Jersey: No, her photos will go nowhere. As I said, there's "yes but", there's "maybe", and there's "no". Posting her photos is a "no", and I know not to go there.

SM70: Yup, I know Sex is Fun; that's where I got the term from, although I'd been thinking about it long before. Good podcast. And I figured that the clubs would have a rule like that, but good to hear it from the more knowledgeable (that includes you, guccilvr).