Need some advice please - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

slimshaydee · 12-07-2006, 08:54 AM

Ok so pretty much I've been seeing my ex for around a month and a half to two months now. Just seeing each other, we're not back together or anything. We broke up on good terms, she was just a little bit scared of things getting serious, her being only 18 and all. She's pretty much always been the one making the plans to see each other except for the first time when I made all the moves and we had a great night together and I took the iniative and kissed her. We've been seeing each other probably twice a week or so since then, and I've slept over at her house a few times and stuff. She's been always saying stuff like i like our snuggles and you should come snuggle with me and stuff like that.

Well anyways, she went away for a few days and she messaged me on msn straight away as soon as she came on like she was happy to see me, and we talked for a bit and i asked her to a movie for friday night and she said yes that'd be nice. When i'd stop talking to her she'd be like asdihasidhasd im boooorrreeddd and I'd be like yeah great im playing playstation have fun with that. She messaged me again today as soon as I come on to say hey she was bored, and we talked for a bit & I asked her if she was still up for the movie and she said she doesn't know she might be tired from work or be going out for dinner with family or something and that she'd let me know tomorrow.

So anyways I wondered why she making excuses and I don't know why but I checked her myspace and saw her flirting with some guy she had met on her vacation and he said he was gonna be in town next week and asked her to the same movie as I wanted to go see with her and she said she doesn't know and "my ex wanted me to come see it with him, way to put me in an awkward position ! lol, g'night darllll." The thing is though a lot of the time when she makes excuses as to why she wants to cancel they really are valid excuses. Like last time she said it wasnt a good idea to come over because her cat had been hurt, and the next time I went over there the cat was really badly hurt and she spent most of her time with it caring for it because it cant walk.

But yeah anyways, I started acting all stupid & jealous about it which is the worst thing you can do, and im sure the myspace stalking didn't help (I hardly ever read her myspace, I don't really care about the boring stuff she has to say with her friends). So we had a bit of a fight about it and she said that she'd be lying if she said she didn't like the guy, but she wouldn't consider dating him because he lives too far away. The thing is though I'm pretty flirty aswell with girls I talk to, and I saw this girl I met awhile ago recently when we were at a friends birthday and she's told me before she thinks I'm hot and she grabbed me and said let's dance so we danced for a bit before she had to leave. Also, the other day on msn she was telling me she was bored and that I should come out with her that night or the next and I told her I'd be down to where she lives with a few friends in the next couple of weeks or so and I'd catch her when I was down there. I dunno if I'd do anything with her though even though it wouldnt be cheating because me and the ex aren't really back together or anything, just seeing each other.

Anyways, I know the stupid jealous stalker thing wasn't the right thing to do and will only make her like me less, so what can I do about that. Should I try and make it up for her and should I ignore her for awhile and give her space (which may piss her off more I don't know, males and females have different minds). I won't be stalking her myspace anymore, I don't know why I got jealous to be honest, I've never been jealous of her talking or hanging out with guys before because when we were together she was a good gf, and didn't cheat on me or anything.

Thanks for reading my little essay, any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm expecting the standards WALK AWAY replies though, which I might if she blows me off a few more times. But i'd like to give it a chance and see where it goes, I'd just have to see what I can do first about being a stupid jealous stalkerish douche.

mixedmedia · 12-07-2006, 09:09 AM

Well, I'm not sure exactly what the problem is. She's been flirting. You've been flirting. Both possibly seeing someone else. Not really together.

My only advice would be, keep it casual. See each other when you can. See other people if you want. And if you think she is lying by giving you false excuses for not seeing you, then that's her problem, not yours. Do something else that night. And if it continues, tell her to take a hike, or just stop calling her.

As for the MySpace thing, I don't really consider that stalking. It's a public page that you obviously have access to. If she didn't want anyone to read it, she would have taken the conversation to email or something, ya know?

I don't know if any of that helps. I was married at 18 so I don't have much experience on the dating scene.

slimshaydee · 12-07-2006, 09:19 AM

Thanks for the advice. The problem was what I should do about the being a stupid jealous stalkerish douche part. She's pretty pissed off at me right now. It's not like I've had a cry or anything about things, it's just that I'd like to get back on the terms we were on before tonight.

mixedmedia · 12-07-2006, 09:56 AM

Right. Well, like I said, unless I'm missing something I don't see a big problem with you seeing her conversation with this guy on her MySpace account. Or is it that you confronted her with it in an accusatory way which has made her take a defensive position? I take it from your reply that it's something like that. Well, I think that's the sort of thing that only honesty and time can settle. Just tell her that you got jealous and reacted impulsively without thinking it through and that you're very sorry. She may not forgive you right away, but it will open up an avenue for talking about it more favorably in the near future. Sometimes people just need a little time to accumulate on these things to see them from a less drastic perspective. The thought of waiting, I know, can be unbearable but you could probably use the time to sort out your feelings on this, too.

I suspect that other people here can give you better advice, though.

Impetuous1 · 12-07-2006, 03:45 PM

It almost sounds like you both may not really be broken up if you're still spending nights at her place on occasion. It sounds more like you're on a break. Which is usually a bad idea since it means things usually linger on forever without anyone doing anything. IMO the jealousy is a product of this. You've still got those lovey dovey feelings for each other and indulge them, hence the jealousy. Sounds like you need to make a real decision of getting back together, really breaking up for a while and not seeing each other or just plain talking honestly about what's going on and setting up some ground rules if you're still going to see each other. But, I could be wrong.

macmanmike6100 · 12-08-2006, 02:47 PM

hear hear on impetuous' comment -- it doesn't sound like you guys actually broke it off, especially if you're both flirting but she's assuring you that she won't start dating anybody...

keep it casual, until you can't bear it any longer...then break it off cold turkey.

at the very least, you should both clarify where you each stand in this relationship and what the rules are.

Lasereth · 12-12-2006, 07:07 AM

Sounds like she's using you as the cuddle bitch. You don't want to hear me say to walk away, so I won't: just realize that from what you typed it seems like she just wants a friend to snuggle up to while she's single, and I'm sure that's not what you want.

12-07-2006, 08:54 AM	#1 (permalink)
slimshaydee If you've read this, PM me and say so Location: Sitting on my ass, and you?	Need some advice please Ok so pretty much I've been seeing my ex for around a month and a half to two months now. Just seeing each other, we're not back together or anything. We broke up on good terms, she was just a little bit scared of things getting serious, her being only 18 and all. She's pretty much always been the one making the plans to see each other except for the first time when I made all the moves and we had a great night together and I took the iniative and kissed her. We've been seeing each other probably twice a week or so since then, and I've slept over at her house a few times and stuff. She's been always saying stuff like i like our snuggles and you should come snuggle with me and stuff like that. Well anyways, she went away for a few days and she messaged me on msn straight away as soon as she came on like she was happy to see me, and we talked for a bit and i asked her to a movie for friday night and she said yes that'd be nice. When i'd stop talking to her she'd be like asdihasidhasd im boooorrreeddd and I'd be like yeah great im playing playstation have fun with that. She messaged me again today as soon as I come on to say hey she was bored, and we talked for a bit & I asked her if she was still up for the movie and she said she doesn't know she might be tired from work or be going out for dinner with family or something and that she'd let me know tomorrow. So anyways I wondered why she making excuses and I don't know why but I checked her myspace and saw her flirting with some guy she had met on her vacation and he said he was gonna be in town next week and asked her to the same movie as I wanted to go see with her and she said she doesn't know and "my ex wanted me to come see it with him, way to put me in an awkward position ! lol, g'night darllll." The thing is though a lot of the time when she makes excuses as to why she wants to cancel they really are valid excuses. Like last time she said it wasnt a good idea to come over because her cat had been hurt, and the next time I went over there the cat was really badly hurt and she spent most of her time with it caring for it because it cant walk. But yeah anyways, I started acting all stupid & jealous about it which is the worst thing you can do, and im sure the myspace stalking didn't help (I hardly ever read her myspace, I don't really care about the boring stuff she has to say with her friends). So we had a bit of a fight about it and she said that she'd be lying if she said she didn't like the guy, but she wouldn't consider dating him because he lives too far away. The thing is though I'm pretty flirty aswell with girls I talk to, and I saw this girl I met awhile ago recently when we were at a friends birthday and she's told me before she thinks I'm hot and she grabbed me and said let's dance so we danced for a bit before she had to leave. Also, the other day on msn she was telling me she was bored and that I should come out with her that night or the next and I told her I'd be down to where she lives with a few friends in the next couple of weeks or so and I'd catch her when I was down there. I dunno if I'd do anything with her though even though it wouldnt be cheating because me and the ex aren't really back together or anything, just seeing each other. Anyways, I know the stupid jealous stalker thing wasn't the right thing to do and will only make her like me less, so what can I do about that. Should I try and make it up for her and should I ignore her for awhile and give her space (which may piss her off more I don't know, males and females have different minds). I won't be stalking her myspace anymore, I don't know why I got jealous to be honest, I've never been jealous of her talking or hanging out with guys before because when we were together she was a good gf, and didn't cheat on me or anything. Thanks for reading my little essay, any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm expecting the standards WALK AWAY replies though, which I might if she blows me off a few more times. But i'd like to give it a chance and see where it goes, I'd just have to see what I can do first about being a stupid jealous stalkerish douche.

12-07-2006, 09:09 AM	#2 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	Well, I'm not sure exactly what the problem is. She's been flirting. You've been flirting. Both possibly seeing someone else. Not really together. My only advice would be, keep it casual. See each other when you can. See other people if you want. And if you think she is lying by giving you false excuses for not seeing you, then that's her problem, not yours. Do something else that night. And if it continues, tell her to take a hike, or just stop calling her. As for the MySpace thing, I don't really consider that stalking. It's a public page that you obviously have access to. If she didn't want anyone to read it, she would have taken the conversation to email or something, ya know? I don't know if any of that helps. I was married at 18 so I don't have much experience on the dating scene. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

12-07-2006, 09:56 AM	#4 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	Right. Well, like I said, unless I'm missing something I don't see a big problem with you seeing her conversation with this guy on her MySpace account. Or is it that you confronted her with it in an accusatory way which has made her take a defensive position? I take it from your reply that it's something like that. Well, I think that's the sort of thing that only honesty and time can settle. Just tell her that you got jealous and reacted impulsively without thinking it through and that you're very sorry. She may not forgive you right away, but it will open up an avenue for talking about it more favorably in the near future. Sometimes people just need a little time to accumulate on these things to see them from a less drastic perspective. The thought of waiting, I know, can be unbearable but you could probably use the time to sort out your feelings on this, too. I suspect that other people here can give you better advice, though. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

12-12-2006, 07:07 AM	#7 (permalink)
Lasereth Knight of the Old Republic Location: Winston-Salem, NC	Sounds like she's using you as the cuddle bitch. You don't want to hear me say to walk away, so I won't: just realize that from what you typed it seems like she just wants a friend to snuggle up to while she's single, and I'm sure that's not what you want. __________________ "A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

12-07-2006, 09:19 AM	#3 (permalink)
slimshaydee If you've read this, PM me and say so Location: Sitting on my ass, and you?	Thanks for the advice. The problem was what I should do about the being a stupid jealous stalkerish douche part. She's pretty pissed off at me right now. It's not like I've had a cry or anything about things, it's just that I'd like to get back on the terms we were on before tonight.

12-07-2006, 03:45 PM	#5 (permalink)
Impetuous1 Insane Location: Arizona	It almost sounds like you both may not really be broken up if you're still spending nights at her place on occasion. It sounds more like you're on a break. Which is usually a bad idea since it means things usually linger on forever without anyone doing anything. IMO the jealousy is a product of this. You've still got those lovey dovey feelings for each other and indulge them, hence the jealousy. Sounds like you need to make a real decision of getting back together, really breaking up for a while and not seeing each other or just plain talking honestly about what's going on and setting up some ground rules if you're still going to see each other. But, I could be wrong.

12-08-2006, 02:47 PM	#6 (permalink)
macmanmike6100 High Honorary Junkie Location: Tri-state.	hear hear on impetuous' comment -- it doesn't sound like you guys actually broke it off, especially if you're both flirting but she's assuring you that she won't start dating anybody... keep it casual, until you can't bear it any longer...then break it off cold turkey. at the very least, you should both clarify where you each stand in this relationship and what the rules are.