Sex in an LDR?
 

So I'm in a long distance relationship. I probably need to give a timeline, so you have an idea where we are and where I'm coming from.

We met in Nov 04 online, and were dating in Sept 05. I say dating, but we still didn't get a chance to meet, because he lives a good 3 hour plane ride away. I met him in May 06 (yes it was a horrible wait) and then spent a few more days with him in July/August of 06. So it's been 4, will be 5, months since we've seen each other, and needless to say we're both going insane.

I was wondering, those of you who were in an LDR where you weren't within driving distance, did you wait for sex? I mean my logic is we've known each other for 2 years (talked every day online or the phone), but we've only spent a few days actually "together." The wierd thing is in those few days, everything felt...right. Like we'd been together for years. I've never been so comfortable with anyone.

Plus, we'll be apart for a few more months after I spend a week with him at Christmas, and I know that sex would make it even harder to say goodbye. And add into this stellar mix that we're both virgins, so it'd be a really big deal if we did have sex. (that was a lot harder to post in a public forum than I thought :p )

In short, logically, I think we shouldn't because it'll make the distance significantly worse, basically. Logically, I barely "know" the guy. The problem is my gut says otherwise. Being as I've never had sex before, though, I really don't know whether I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, because I've got no frame of reference. If you could give me any information or advice on this, I'd appreciate it. :)

PS One more thing. He's moving here this summer. I dunno if that changes anything, but I figured it was worth mentioning.

Regardless of whether i'ts long distance or not, sex should never be something you think you 'should' do; it should be a natural progression of the relationship.
This idea of 'dating' but only online is a nice thought for you, but it's not dating. It's talking. Not a bad thing as words connect us, allow us to share.
Most of my really close friendships started online and I have to travel in order to see these people.
The pros of ldr's: not being so close you'd get tired of each other. You have lives outside the computer (I assume), so there's much more to discuss. Another-taking your time. All that talking online and on the phone tends to allow you to delve deeper into each other's thoughts and feelings. There's no pressure to 'perform'.
Cons: missing each other. NOT sharing integral parts of each other's life.
The bottom line is how you feel about this person. Is the attraction real? How much do you know about him outside of the discussions? I mean, his lifestyle, his job, if he has one, or his plans?
No one can tell you, yes have sex or no, don't do it. That week together will answer it all.

Like ngdawg said, don't rush anything because you think you "should."

My fiance and I were in a LDR for a year and a half, and while it's true that sex doesn't happen very often, you can't push it.

I have had LDRs, just like probably most people here. My suggestion for the "sexual" part would be to try phone sex. Some people just aren't into that kind of thing, but it can be a very satisfying and bonding type thing. Cyber-sex while fun, is a little impersonal unless you have a web cam...but THAT can be interesting as well. With phone sex, you are communicating directly with each other, voice, loudness, tone, inflection...ALL can be used to heighten the experience, and bring you two closer, without actually having intercourse. Sex in a relationship is a BIG factor, but doesn't mean that it is a necessity for the relationship to work. If you two ARE connecting so well as you say, then by keeping the fires going on the phone, you can see how well the two of you click. Personally, I feel that if two people can't connect well when they are apart, how can the connect well while together.....

Not everything is what it seems. My "gut" has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past.

Things work when you're together for a few days because you spend so much time apart talking that when you meet physically it's heaven.

You can't really know what this may become or not until you guys spend some proper time together.

For me, I'd try and wait before having sex, to know whether it might actually work, the two of you together. Since you're a virgin, rushing it might be something you regret later, particularly if you are attaching romantic notions to that first time.

as a guy who really really likes sex, I cant beleive im saying this, but I would advise against having sex with him just yet.

being that you're both virgins, I think its something that you would be better to "build up to" than to dive into. if he's moving to your neighborhood in the summer, great. fool around for a while (weeks, months, whatever) and then when you feel ready, do it.

as a side note: probably get him to use an extended pleasure condom the first time if you want it to last more than a minute =P

This is a disaster waiting to happen. There is no "maybe" about it, you will regret it later.

It's been two years, another few months aren't going to kill you. If you can tolerate each other in peson for a month or two after he moves here, by all means start fucking like rabbits. Wait until you're in constant contact before diving into something new with someone.


All of this is coming from someone who feels that the sanctity of virginity is a load of bullshit and means nothing other than what you make of it.

That made me laugh out loud, MrSelfDestruct. lol.

Yeah, I've pretty much decided it's a bad idea, mostly for the reasons I was already wondering about. I just didn't know whether it was worth the fuss I was making out of it. Turns out I was making just the right amount of fuss :P Thanks for your replies :)

As a virgin guy, I can't believe I am saying this either, but wait until you are going to be together for at least a month. If it happens over the holiday break, I wouldn't go back. And there is no way that I would spend 6 months away from a girl after that event happens.

Now, I'm not against doing anything sexual. Maybe take a shower or bath together and then masturbate and touch the other person.

Cause taking a shower together and then masturbating totally isn't going to end up somewhere you didn't originally intend.

I've heard that phone sex can be fun - that might be a good place to start.
I don't think you mentioned whether he's been pressuring you at all?

Oh Jesus... what's wrong with you people?


If you want to have his cock inside you then by all means put it there. Don't sit around wondering if it's the right time or when that will be and what's gonna happen six months down the road and if he really likes you and what's it gonna feel like for the first time and do you actually blow on the penis during a blow job...


Take life by the horns and fuck the holy shit out of it. If it doesn't work then you are one step closer to finding the right person for you. Cause trust me, you aren't gonna always be with the first person you exchange fluids with. Cause if I was with the girl I lost my virginity to... I'd first have to remember her name... But I'd kill myself.

Life isn't something you wait to happen.