Digilogic

I have searched and searched but I can't find an old post about this. Please let me know if you know of one. Anyways, anyone have any thoughts on friends with benefits? Did it work?

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Cervantes

I searched the forums aswell almost certain that there should be a ton of threads about this but I couldn't find a single one either.

Friends with benefit has only developed in two directions for me when I've been involved in it. Either deeper feelings emerge and you become more than just friends with benefit, or it becomes just friends after a while.

As it is, I don't think friends with benefits work longterm for that many people, we all want something out of our relationships. If it aint moving somewhere, what's the point?

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itch vaccine

Benefits, as in sex?

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Vincentt

Friends with Benefits does not exist.

This is only something that happens when one person wants a relationship, and the other person wants to keep options open.

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Toaster126

That is simply not true.

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CaliLivChick

Yeah, I've had a fuck buddy/friend with benefits before. A few of them, in fact (not at the same time, just at random intervals ). With all of them, we'd hang out, go out, meet up after going out separately, or just get together and fuck. Things worked well. We weren't looking for relationships, just friendships, and we worked well together physically.

Things did eventually end with all of them. With a couple of them, life just got busy, and our friendship faded away. With one of them, I was dating six other guys at the same time (only sleeping with the fuck buddy), and realized that I wanted an exclusive relationship with one of the guys, so ended things with the other guys.

The key is to keep emotions (aside from ones that go along with friendship) out of it. Don't let your heart get involved in a romantic way. As with all types of relationships, communication is the key. You both have to just want to be friends with benefits, or expectations may be raised, and things can go badly from there. Good luck!

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snowy

For me, my friends with benefits situation did work out, mostly because we worked at it. To sum it up: had a best guy friend, he was sexy, we slept together for over a year, and then I met another guy and started dating him. Best guy friend and I worked at still being friends, he befriended new boyfriend, and now they're friends too.

All told, it worked out for me. But that doesn't mean it works out for everyone. It takes a LOT of work, almost as much as a regular relationship, in order to keep feelings in check and keep communicating about the relationship. If anything, it taught me how to communicate how I really feel!

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ShaniFaye

communicate? thats what you do in relationship not in a fuck buddy situation...the only communication thats needed is...im horny, wanna fuck?

least thats how it was for me....i've had a few of these that were highly enjoyable because there were NO expectations of anything...all that was needed was a hard on and a wet pussy.

For some people (like me) sex is sex is sex.....its something fun and stress relieving...there was nothing more I liked better than being able to call my *friend* up and say to him....Im really in the mood to give a blow job...are you busy? (to which the answer was usually..come on over) I'd go..do what I wanted to do and leave. In my experience as a fuck buddy...I dont really care how you feel....lets get off and get on with the day. To this day (and Im not bragging) I still have one that will call up to see if Dave will let me come "play" and I havent associated with him at all since the very day I met Dave 3 years ago.

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snowy

Well, in our case, because we were emotionally close as friends, and he was rather inexperienced in the relationship/sex department, communication had to be ongoing to keep the boundaries clear. Like I said--every relationship of this kind is different, the people are different, and everyone has different expectations of how something like this will go down. For some people, communication IS necessary because it keeps both sides clear on what's going down.

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ShaniFaye

see thats what I mean....to me at least the word relationship equates to "feelings"....to have a successful fuck buddy there are no feelings...there is no "emotional" closeness, If I was fucking somebody I was "close" too that would be a relationship to me.

lol maybe I just lucked out on the people I picked because they felt the same way and I never had to deal with "emotions" so I dont see it the same

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

snowy

Yeah, he probably wasn't the best choice, but he was the easiest And as for the closeness--that was already there, and there wasn't much I could do about it--best friends should be close.

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ShaniFaye

i agree wholeheartedly best friends should be close....they should NOT fuck buddy's

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Infinite_Loser

They generally don't work, because one party usually develops feelings for the other while the other party continues to only look for casual sex.

Does anyone remember that episode of Seinfeld when Jerry and Elaine start sleeping together (After setting forth a bunch of rules), yet after a while Elaine becomes clingy and considers them to be in a relationship while Jerry still wants to do the friends with benefit thing, ultimately leading them to call the whole deal off?

Things usually go sorta' like that.

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Sugar&Spice

I think it can totally work as long as the expectations are set right at the beginning. If both parties are up front right away with what they want (sex) then there shouldn't be a problem. You could always have general rule that if one of the parties involved begins to develop feelings, let the other person know, discuss and then if the other person is not interested in developing anything more serious..break it off and find a new fuck buddy.

I had a fuck buddy last summer. We would hang out occassionally besides to just have sex, but I had told him right in the beginning that I didn't want a relationship and he said he didn't either and we were good to go. We are still friends and hang out occassionally, but without the sex.

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genuinegirly

well...

i'm a fan of the system.

Only had one friend with benefits. We ended up falling for one another after about a year. It took that long to realize that we really do have a lot in common and that a real relationship would be quite promising. We are now a unit. The transition was relatively painless, once the opinions/emotions were out on the table. We mark our anniversary as our first time ever... mainly because it's easiest to remember (Saturday before the Superbowl).

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Deltona Couple

I must say that I have had a lot of experience in this area, not only having friends with benefits, but as a "swinger" as well. In my experience there is only one way to have a functional "friend with benefits"; one MUST be able to separate 'lovemaking' with 'sex'. If you are in a relationship with someone, then you 'make love' to them; If you are a F.W.B., then you are having 'sex'. As long as you can separate the two, you can function well. At one time I had an ongoing F.W.B. for over 6 years, and the only reason it ended was that I moved to another state. There was no 'hard break up' or anything of the sort. After I told her I was moving, we had one last tryst, and that was it. We still talk on the phone, but no emotional ties, so no problems! That's my input...lol

Samira

i see nothing wrong with it, i have had quite a few, the reason why they are good is because there are no stings attached and majority of the times thats fine, saying that ive had a few guys that did get attached thus ending it

analog

I went out with a girl for 6 months. After we broke up, we were exclusive fuck buddies for a year after that. When she finally met a guy and had dated him a few times, and wanted to start being physical with him, we called it off and that was that.

My first real girlfriend and I fucked off and on for about 2 or 3 years after we broke up... for a while it was about once a week, then a few times a month, then it started tapering off... after a while, it would be totally out of the blue... "hey how are you?" then me saying I was good, and her saying, "you should come over." And that would be that.

Good times, thanks for evoking those memories.

zed wolf

It has worked for me in the past with no problems. one in particular was literally one of them things where we would just happen to be at the same party or something hanging out with every one else and one of us would say hey, I'm horny lets fuck. Never had any other attachment or anything. we would fuck and go back about our separate ways. Right now I am living with this particular girl and her boyfriend also with no problems. and he does know about our past too. just one of them things though, I think it works for some people but I don't think it would work for everyone.

Mantus

Hey Digilogic. I’ll try and give you some insight from my personal experiences and lessons taught to me by others that have proven to be very true.

You have to have a belief that women love and enjoy sex. There is no need to trick women into sex or pay for sex in one way or another. Women will be more then happy to have sex with you if they feel comfortable with you.

You have to have a true friendship. If you are hanging around a girl because she threw you into the friend zone and you are hoping that she will change her mind then your relationship is based on deception and it’s doomed.

The first step to making her comfortable with you is you have to be giving. You are offering her something, not asking for anything. The decision is in her court.

Communicate to her that:

- You are not interested in being her boyfriend, nor do you want her as a girlfriend. Explain to her that while the respect, admiration and friendship are there – you lack a romantic pull towards her. The chemistry simply doesn’t fit.

- She is your friend and that makes her much more important and interesting then some random girl you want to sleep with. That friendship is important to you yet here you are a boy and she is a girl – and aint that a nice arrangement.

- You will not interfere with her pursuit of Mr. Right, nor would you stop persuing and sleeping with other girls…infact, you’d appreciate any pointers or suggestions and will be more then willing to reciprocate and help her hook up with guys she may like.

- You are going to leave the ball in her court and there is no urgency at all and nothing will change between you either way…but you know it will be fun and you’d be a fool not to let her know that you’d enjoy having a no-strings-attached relationship with her – without any judgment.

Now you are offer your friend something she wants. She may take it or she may not. Either way, she will consider your offer and it will raise her self-esteem and confidence. But if you change after you make this offer. If you try to get her instead of simply offering yourself to her then she will see though your game and the friendship will probably fall appart.

xepherys

Digilogic? Should you be taking advice from someone named analog? Okay, sorry, bad geek moment.

I've never personally had a fuck buddy, but I know people who have and can attest that it can certainly work out between the right people.

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jerseyboy

THe way I see it is to find someone who you really find slightly annoying in a way so that you wouldnt want to be friends with them outside of the sex. That way if things end you wont really miss them. It sounds bad but it works.

Kaliena

I found the friends with benefits thing to work out really well (and I'm female and have the occasionally clingy problem).

As long as it's all laid out to begin with, its always gone smoothly. I found if the other person started giving me relationship vibes, I was straight up, asked "what's up with...." and got it cleared up.

Basically, it'll work if people can be 1.) straight up about it and 2.) are going for the same thing.

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surferlove007

I don't care for friends with benefits, I guess I'd prefer the guy I'm sleeping with to have some feelings for me instead of hey, wanna fuck? Thats just me though.
I think it can be a good thing for people who are lonely but not wanting a relationship, to help ease the lack of companionship if you will.

hagatha

I can't help but think that the pure emptiness of that arrangement would only intensify the loneliness, not ameliorate it.

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feelgood

I got a quick question for everybody that says that they've had friends with benefits.

Where do you find them? I'm not asking so that I can pick one up but I'm asking where would you normally associate with them? At work? School? Random party? Etc...

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IT2002

I think it can work well for people who can be honest with themselves first, and then their buddy. I always liked the term "slumpbreaker".

genuinegirly

Feelgood:

I found mine when I was a TA in his English class. In high school. Six or so years before we were intimate (now we're engaged, very happy together - not usually the way it turns out). At the time, he was a friend that I wasn't particularly attached to, and wouldn't have minded never seeing again when our jaunt was over. I didn't expect anything substantial to happen.

I suppose it's more likely that one will fall in love with their "friend with benefits" when they already have an established friendship, and many common interests.

Hope this helps.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy