BigDonkey2

So I've been dating this girl I met at the gym for a little over a week now and things are going great. Really sweet and caring girl etc etc. We just kissed the other night after I gave her a massage and whatnot. It was a great kiss and I enjoyed it quite a bit. She works at the gym also, so we see each other pretty much everyday. We take spin class (where I met her through my other friend) and yoga together twice a week.

Here's my question, sort of. We've gone out for coffee and had nice conversation and have warmed up to each other quite a bit. I've spent the night there a few times (nothing but some good old snuggling going on) and her once at my house. My question is, I'd like to know what she thinks about the whole situation. We haven't really talked about it at all. I know I know. Just ask her you say. Well, my other question would be how should I approach the subject? Just come out and ask? Or steer conversation in that direction then ask? I know she likes me and I like her, so there's no doubt that a connection is there. I don't quite know if shes looking for a relationship or not, but I am. I think its time for me. I don't want to fuck this opportunity up like I have my past relationships and say or do something that might turn her away. Not that I have in the past but I tend to rush things physically. I want to take my time on this one. So I guess I'm just looking for some advice from everybody. I appreciate any input. Thanks guys.

-BigD

SAM821

Well... Its harder than most people think. I know how you feel. Personally, I would try to intentionally steer a conversation that way. Maybe ask her what she is looking to do in life, or try one day while you are snuggling, and looking in her eyes, tell her that you like her...

If you are looking for the security of knowing she is yours, then just come out with it. I mean (depending on your ages) if you are in your 20's + then people can usually just move along with a relationship and be "informally" dating for a while, its kind of a natural occurence that just happens and moves on from there. Basically if your "relationship" becomes sexual, then obviously things are getting serious (especially knowing that you have slept over there a couple of times and haven't fornicated yet) So when it does happen, the relationship is obviously apparent.

So, really its up to you, the days of asking a girl "will you go out with me" are over. So you just got to strike up the conversation and bust out with the whole "I really like you and can see myself with you" type of line during your talk...

Good luck, let us know how it goes...

Seaver

In my opinion you're pulling the same mistakes women make... you're overthinking it.

You like her, she obviously likes you. Just keep going out and hanging out with each other and the relationship will happen.

By the way, tell her how you feel and I'm sure she'll admit to feeling the same way.

BigDonkey2

Along the lines of what you're saying SAM, shes 24 and I'm 21 (soon to be 22). As far as the sexual relationship is concerned, like I said before, I don't want to rush things on this one. I want to establish the emotional connection first. I think thats most important for right now, which seems to be going very well. The nights I've spent over there I haven't forced anything sexual to happen other than hinting that I wanted to kiss her. I may have gotten a boner when I was sleeping but thats it. Obviously before we have sex we'd probably be in a committed relationship, which is what I want. I'm going to take her out to dinner tonight so I'll bring it up during the conversation. Any other advice is appreciated. Thanks again guys.

pornclerk

Here's something nice to say without freaking her out too much: "You know these past few weeks have been a lot of fun. I really enjoy hanging out with you."
If she responds well to that, then you can proceed to ask her if she would like to keep it going the way it is and maybe even be exclusive.

__________________
Who wants a twig when you can have the whole tree?

CaliLivChick

Dude! It's only been a week! Chill! Relax! Enjoy! Don't over-think or over-analyze. Just kick back and relax. You guys are moving kinda fast, IMO, spending the night a few times already, but if you guys are cool with it, it's all good. =)

__________________
Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.

BigDonkey2

Well we went out last night and had a great dinner and good conversation. To my surprise when she opened the door I received a nice hug and kiss. I brought her a pink rose too, which she liked. I didn't mention anything about us at dinner because it just didn't feel right and the way things are going I don't think I need to. As I do quite often and as Seaver said, I was overthinking things. Pretty much what Seaver said was right on. I'll keep you guys updated. Thanks again.

genuinegirly

Sounds like a healthy start!
The pink rose was a lovely touch.

It sounds like you are, yes, overthinking things. But that just shows your concern for making things go right this time around.

I like writing letters or poems to express my feelings. You could write a little note and hide it in the petals of a flower. Something short: "You're beautiful." "I like you." "I have a crush on you."

it'd be cheezy, but she'd smile.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Seaver

Sounds like a great start to a solid relationship.

BigDonkey2

Little update:

Things are going VERY well with us. It seems to get better and better everyday. We have a great time with each other and laugh and smile all the time. We're very comfortable around each other as well. I'm definately looking forward to what this can turn into. We're not official yet but probably sometime soon we will be. Thanks again guys.

SAM821

congrats man!

Dane Bramage

Good work dude. You didn't scare her off yet

Now, in a situation like this, it is possible to be covert without being manipulative or without showing your hand. Ask her about past relationships, ask about career plans, does she want kids, etc. None of this has to be in relation to you, but her answers will give you insight as to where she is. If her career plans include joining the Peace Corp, then you may not want to get serious just yet, know what I mean?

Also, I find being blunt is the best policy. Just come out and say it. pornclerk had great phrasing, feel free to use that if you want.

But yes, if its only been a couple of weeks, then just enjoy what you got. Trust me, I know what it's like being a guy and being totally infatuated with a chick. It's hard to not be all ga-ga over them, but to a certain degree... you just gotta be cool. A lot of modern women do not want a clingy guy. Of course, everyone is different, so you gotta go with what your gut tells you. Just don't get to serious to quickly.

__________________
Every passing hour brings the Solar System forty-three thousand miles closer to Globular Cluster M13 in Hercules — and still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress.
Kurt Vonnegut - Sirens of Titan

BigDonkey2

We've talked about past relationships before and I know what she wants to do for a career. I also know that she does want kids because when we talk sometimes she'll say "Well I want my kids...." I get the feeling shes at that point where she might be looking to settle down, but of course I'm not quite sure. She told me about her party days and how shes moved on past those and is ready for a career, so it sounds to me like she might be looking for something serious.

As far as being blunt goes I'm all for it and have done it in the past. It's the best policy because there's no bullshitting around, which is my style. I'll definately tell her how I feel, but not for a little bit. I'm pretty sure she feels the same way about me, you know, with the kissing and all. We had a great time last night. She cooked me dinner and then had some fun after and started a tickle war. We did that for a good 30 mins then made out for a little bit then went to bed.

Oh I totally know what it feels like to be infatuated with a girl. I think I have a real connection with her and I think I'm acting pretty cool about it. I get the feeling she's a little bit shy when it comes to expressing her feelings as well. As far as being clingy goes I don't think we're being clingy, but we do see each other often (at the gym pretty much everyday). I'm definately not rushing into anything here but I do see myself in a relationship with her. I'm trying not to get too serious too quick. As far as asking her to be my girlfriend, I think I might wait another week or possibly 2. Again, like you said Dane Bramage, do what my gut tells me. It might not be long before I ask her. We'll just see how things go the next week. I'm definately excited and happy to be with her.

Mantus

Big,

It's very cool that you found a girl you trully dig and might be ready to trully get deep with. It's a huge an mature step to take. Just a couple of questions.

1. What kind of relationship do you want? Not with her but in general. What are you ready for right now?

2. What is this next big step you are hoping to take? How do you plan to express it and what do you expect of her?

BigDonkey2

Thanks Mantus. To answer your questions:

1. I'm at a transitional stage in my life right now. I'm still persuing my dream of playing professional baseball. I was recently released from the Houston Astros at the end of May and am still looking to sign with another team, which right now is looking quite promising. I also just graduated from college, so its time to grow up so to speak. The type of relationship I'm looking for is a serious one that could lead to marraige. I've tried the fling thing and that just doesnt work for me. I'm a relationship type of guy, so I enjoy being a relationship and spoiling the girl I'm with. I think at this point I'm ready to get serious again after having a few 3 month relationships that just didn't seem to fit what I was looking for.

2. The next big step I'm hoping to take is asking her to be my girlfriend. I don't quite know how I'm going to express it, but I'm going to make it special thats for sure. I like doing things like that and consider myself a very romantic type of guy. What do I expect of her? Well from the time we've spent together I can't help but expect her to say yes to being my girlfriend. I hung out with my best friend last night and he told me when we were all at the dodger game that she told him she enjoyed spending time with me, etc etc. So I can't help but think she has the same feelings for me as I have for her. Plus, she's at a transitional stage in her life right now where she's looking to start a career and get things going. Her party days are over and I think she might be ready to settle down.


I'll definately keep you guys posted on what happens. Hope that answers your questions Mantus.

Mantus

Hey Big, Thanks for the answers.

I am having allot of trouble writing this because a) I've been out on the town and b) our views are so differnt that it's very hard for me to commuicate my perspective. All I really want to get across here is that this isn't all that hard nor important. In my view relationships are very organic in nature and develop naturally as long as everyone is on the same page (it's why communication is so important). Infact I think that trying to live up to concepts such "love", "girlfriend" and "getting serious" can hamper things - not always but it can happen. Simply because we all have differnt ideas about what these concepts mean. Ok...rambling...how to make this easy...right...

There are three main steps to each relationship in my opinion.

1) You qualify. Find out what you like about her.
2) You make your intrests clear. You are not applying for a friend possition.
3) You tell her what you are looking for in a relationship.

If she is still there and she recipricates, then you have yourself a relationship. No big deal. It's about finding a common ground.

Ok so I asume you have #1 covered.

How to go about #2.
Say something allong the lines of: "Not only are you (list her X, Y, Z great qualities) but you are sexy as hell too"
Or something like: "I can't believe a girl with such kissable lips can be so (insert something you like about her here)"
That above statement usually leads to one of those "moments".

How to go about #3.
Straight up bring it up.
"Look, this is going really well and I love spending time with you. However you should know that I am looking for an exclusive relationship. I am though goofing around and I am ready to go deeper (and explain to her what that means, like opening up, getting involved with her family, etc.) I want to make sure we are on the same page if we to continue this".

If she is still with you at this point...then you have yourself a girlfriend.

Now it's important to tell her WHAT YOU WANT - explain to her whats happening. You enjoy courtship and being romantic. That's wonderful. Tell her that you want your relationships to work that way. This puts your gifts, roses, poems, etc., in perspective for her. Cuz when most girls hear romance they think "oh this guys is trying to get on my good side". By stating your intent you are saying, I live in a romantic world, this is how things work with me, you are welcome to come and enjoy my world. I hope you got this last part...cuz It's hard to describe.

Cheers.

BigDonkey2

UPDATE:

Well last night I made it official. We are now together. The way I went about it was I wrote her a poem. The poem explained how we met and how I went about asking her out. Then at the end I widdled it down to asking her to be my girlfriend and she said "Of course!" I have to say I'm a pretty happy camper right now. We went out for drinks with a bunch of people from the gym and when we got back to her place I read her the poem. It was a great night to say the least. I also printed out a picture of us that we took at the Dodger game a few weeks ago and framed it and gave it to her. She liked that too. All in all I successfully nabbed myself a sweet and wonderful girl. I'm definately looking forward to building on this relationship. Thanks again guys!

Ustwo

Dear god you work slow but good for you

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

OzOz

I love threads like this. Good luck BD!

__________________
Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you wanna keep fighting evil today.