So I've been dating my gf for 5 years now... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

BlackIce · 07-18-2006, 04:00 PM

I love her to death. I do. It has NOT been easy whatsoever. I'm 21 shes 19 *yeah I know we're young* but I find myself not being "in the mood" as much as I used to be. I think its because shes back at home away from school so we cant go crazy like we used to in her dorm room. She still wants me the same but I feel crappy that I'm not as horny as I once was with her...I find myself being bored a bit because I want to go do things but alot of times we're stuck just going to the mall or something along those lines. I feel as though we should be doing something more than what we are right now...I dunno.

On the other hand, Im also ridiculously attracted to one of my friends and I know I have feelings for her. I feel shitty because of it though. We got drunk one night and almost had sex but didnt. Ever since then she's pretty much been attached to me. And honestly, I like it. Although we are compatible and could see myself dating her, I feel like its only so strong because its something "new" and different. Only thing is, my gf dosent hang out with any of my friends whatsoever and I spend more time with them because my gf is busy alot and ends up going away somewhere.

I'm not really sure what im trying to say here...maybe I'm getting tired of the same ol' same ol and want a change? I feel so unsure about everything nowadays =/

Toaster126 · 07-18-2006, 04:32 PM

So what are we supposed to discuss here?

Infinite_Loser · 07-18-2006, 04:41 PM

It sounds to me as if you don't love your girlfriend as much as you say you do. Either that or you're simply craving female attention wince your girlfriend is away or busy most of the time.

MSD · 07-18-2006, 05:59 PM

I'm gonig to give my standard real-life response that human beings are not biologically programmed for monogamy.

In addition to that, consider your emotional maturity level now to five years ago, think about the same for her, then compare to each other (you can do this just by thinking, it doesn't have to be discussed, because she will not interpret it as anything other than a pseudo-intellectual "It's not you, it's me" talk.) Once you think about it and realize that you're two completely different people now than you were in high school, you're probably going be less apprehensive about the possibility [IMO, the fact] that this relationship isn't going to last much longer.

If I were talking to a personal friend, I'd say exactly this: you had a great time, but it's over. You're drifting apart and it's inevitable. You have an opportunity to jump ship before this one goes down, and I suggest you take it.

genuinegirly · 07-18-2006, 10:58 PM

Why is she responsible for providing a safe and comfortable location for sex?

Be honest with yourself and your emotions. I want to say that the two of you are too young to be tied down, but I am no authority. I know one very successful couple that are in their 30s that have been together since high school. Until I met them, I didn't believe that lifelong monogamy was a truly viable option. I see now that it works for some people, but it hasn't been my path.

Step back, take a look at your options. Realize what you would be throwing away in either scenario. Do not put yourself into any position that you would regret. Be certain to communicate your emotions clearly, whichever scenario you decide upon.

Good luck! Doesn't sound easy.

Sage · 07-19-2006, 06:39 AM

You're young.

You're horny.

You've been getting the same piece of tail since you were 16, and you want something different.

This isn't bad- honestly, if you "almost had sex but didn't" with this other girl you find attractive, you're ready to end things with your current GF but don't know how because you've been together for so long and have all this baggage built up together. If it's to the point you're thinking about cheating, and also liking the fact that there's another woman who wants to get in your pants, you're not really being respectful of your current relationship.

Now, that's not a reason to feel bad. That IS, however, a BIG reason to take a step back and ask yourself "Why am I dating my GF?" You're probably still dating her because you've been dating her for as long as you can remember. Is she your first "serious" girlfriend? Often that first relationship will go on way, way longer than it should just because it offers security. Go out there and get some tail- if you're in college you're probably almost done by now- go enjoy being young. Don't cheat on your girlfriend or lie to her about liking some other girl or "almost have sex" behind her back- you're a man, go act like one.

absorbentishe · 07-19-2006, 10:05 AM

Get yourself some sex toys for you and your GF, that will spice things up, as long as your both open to it...

On a side note, when ever some else shows you a little interest, you will think this way, and think the grass is greener... It rarely is.

If you think there are issues with your GF, talk about them with her, not a "friend", and get them resolved.

07-18-2006, 04:00 PM	#1 (permalink)
BlackIce Upright	So I've been dating my gf for 5 years now... I love her to death. I do. It has NOT been easy whatsoever. I'm 21 shes 19 yeah I know we're young but I find myself not being "in the mood" as much as I used to be. I think its because shes back at home away from school so we cant go crazy like we used to in her dorm room. She still wants me the same but I feel crappy that I'm not as horny as I once was with her...I find myself being bored a bit because I want to go do things but alot of times we're stuck just going to the mall or something along those lines. I feel as though we should be doing something more than what we are right now...I dunno. On the other hand, Im also ridiculously attracted to one of my friends and I know I have feelings for her. I feel shitty because of it though. We got drunk one night and almost had sex but didnt. Ever since then she's pretty much been attached to me. And honestly, I like it. Although we are compatible and could see myself dating her, I feel like its only so strong because its something "new" and different. Only thing is, my gf dosent hang out with any of my friends whatsoever and I spend more time with them because my gf is busy alot and ends up going away somewhere. I'm not really sure what im trying to say here...maybe I'm getting tired of the same ol' same ol and want a change? I feel so unsure about everything nowadays =/

07-18-2006, 04:32 PM	#2 (permalink)
Toaster126 Extreme moderation Location: Kansas City, yo.	So what are we supposed to discuss here? __________________ "The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand) "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

07-18-2006, 10:58 PM	#5 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	Why is she responsible for providing a safe and comfortable location for sex? Be honest with yourself and your emotions. I want to say that the two of you are too young to be tied down, but I am no authority. I know one very successful couple that are in their 30s that have been together since high school. Until I met them, I didn't believe that lifelong monogamy was a truly viable option. I see now that it works for some people, but it hasn't been my path. Step back, take a look at your options. Realize what you would be throwing away in either scenario. Do not put yourself into any position that you would regret. Be certain to communicate your emotions clearly, whichever scenario you decide upon. Good luck! Doesn't sound easy. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

07-19-2006, 06:39 AM	#6 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	You're young. You're horny. You've been getting the same piece of tail since you were 16, and you want something different. This isn't bad- honestly, if you "almost had sex but didn't" with this other girl you find attractive, you're ready to end things with your current GF but don't know how because you've been together for so long and have all this baggage built up together. If it's to the point you're thinking about cheating, and also liking the fact that there's another woman who wants to get in your pants, you're not really being respectful of your current relationship. Now, that's not a reason to feel bad. That IS, however, a BIG reason to take a step back and ask yourself "Why am I dating my GF?" You're probably still dating her because you've been dating her for as long as you can remember. Is she your first "serious" girlfriend? Often that first relationship will go on way, way longer than it should just because it offers security. Go out there and get some tail- if you're in college you're probably almost done by now- go enjoy being young. Don't cheat on your girlfriend or lie to her about liking some other girl or "almost have sex" behind her back- you're a man, go act like one. __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi

07-18-2006, 04:41 PM	#3 (permalink)
Infinite_Loser Junkie Location: Lake Mary, FL	It sounds to me as if you don't love your girlfriend as much as you say you do. Either that or you're simply craving female attention wince your girlfriend is away or busy most of the time.

07-18-2006, 05:59 PM	#4 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	I'm gonig to give my standard real-life response that human beings are not biologically programmed for monogamy. In addition to that, consider your emotional maturity level now to five years ago, think about the same for her, then compare to each other (you can do this just by thinking, it doesn't have to be discussed, because she will not interpret it as anything other than a pseudo-intellectual "It's not you, it's me" talk.) Once you think about it and realize that you're two completely different people now than you were in high school, you're probably going be less apprehensive about the possibility [IMO, the fact] that this relationship isn't going to last much longer. If I were talking to a personal friend, I'd say exactly this: you had a great time, but it's over. You're drifting apart and it's inevitable. You have an opportunity to jump ship before this one goes down, and I suggest you take it.

07-19-2006, 10:05 AM	#7 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	Get yourself some sex toys for you and your GF, that will spice things up, as long as your both open to it... On a side note, when ever some else shows you a little interest, you will think this way, and think the grass is greener... It rarely is. If you think there are issues with your GF, talk about them with her, not a "friend", and get them resolved.