How do I start the sex talk. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

cyrilndo · 07-13-2006, 07:55 AM

This will surely sound funny.
I am 30 and I am having difficults to start a conversation with a girl who is 22 about sex.

The point is initially she is the one who came to me showing some interest about a year ago.
I was not patient because she is so hot and i wanted to roll her underwear immediately but she did turn out not to be that easy and made me look like a fool. I did feel stupid and did back off kind of.

However she will call me at times, she always want that I go out with her to the night club-i am a good dancer.
Each time I want to visit her at her place she gives an excuse.
If I invite her she gives an excuse.
At times she just pump to my place and then goes.

It has been going like this for so long and I don`t want to make another stupid mistake. .
This weekend she wants us to go watch the movie Brave Heart. Heard it is with Jlo. During this movie I will want to bring up a topic sexually related to see if she is still interested in me sexually.
I know she will join in the conversation if I am able to come from an angle that she will be comfortable with.

Any ideas on how to start?

Willravel · 07-13-2006, 08:12 AM

Maybe I am misunderstanding you, but did you just say that you think Jennifer Lopez is in the movie Braveheart? Moving on....

The pace of a relationship should be set by both people, but often it's set by one. Bear that in mind when you bring it up. It'd pretty obvious that she has a lot of the power in your relationship (as often hot women do), and she may be threatened when you try to speed things up. Be gentle, be slow, and be considerate. A sudden change of pace can scare people. Gradual pace change can be more comfortable.

rmarshall · 07-13-2006, 08:16 AM

Ummm. How about "wanna fuck?".

Seriously, when you dance, do you get close? Any chance you could turn her on? Slow dancing? Lambada? How about a kiss on the dancefloor?

In the theatre, try putting an arm around her. You have to start slow and don't give up.

Sometimes actions and body language speak louder than words. I've been told I have "bedroom eyes".

In this day and age, talking about sex shouldn't be so difficult. Ask her about it. Tell her something about you.

Hardknock · 07-13-2006, 08:48 AM

I like "wanna fuck" myself.....

Seriously, just gather up your nads and ask her. It's as simple as that. Or, make a move, see what happens. Note her response.

Glory's Sun · 07-13-2006, 09:02 AM

why would you need to talk when a kiss would just do the trick instead?

Body language can tell you way more than any pickup line or sexual discussion if you're just trying to "roll her underwear"

Think about it like this. She wasn't easy the first time right? She knew your intentions but yet she still wants you to go clubbing with her.. so just make a move.

maleficent · 07-13-2006, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyrilndo

This weekend she wants us to go watch the movie Brave Heart. Heard it is with Jlo.

Braveheart was the story of William Wallace, starring Mel Gibson, it's about 10 years old or so and Sophie Marceau was the female in it - No JLo...

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyrilndo

During this movie I will want to bring up a topic sexually related to see if she is still interested in me sexually.

You want to interrupt a female watching mel gibson? Ummmm bad idea.. Would you want to be interrupted while watching... ooooh i don't know... Jamie pressley?

Just make a move if she says back off bucko, then back off.. otherwise have fun...

ratbastid · 07-13-2006, 09:38 AM

Stay cool, chief. Remember: nothing closes a girl's knees like desperation.

I second the "just make a damn move" crowd. What, are you going to say, "Gosh, do you think we could...?" No. Take her face in your hands and kiss her. The reason she hasn't been attracted to you is because of your lack of assertiveness.

But there's a balancing act to perform here. Assert yourself--but coolly. Don't take "no" personally. Don't get attached or expectant about anything that might happen.

shesus · 07-13-2006, 10:34 AM

Since she keeps calling you she obviously still ilkes to hang out with you. However, she may not want a sexual relationship with you. I've had situations like this in the past. One guy kept trying and trying and I kept saying no. But we still hung out until he finally realized there was no chance of a sexual relationship. No big loss on my part, he was just a fun friend to me. Another guy friend, tried and realized there was nothing sexual, but we still hung out and had a good time until we lost contact with each other through moves. He acccepted what it was and the tension was gone and it was a fun friendship after that. I mention these scenarios because the age gap was about the same as in your situation. Just adding a bit of perspective from her possible stance.

Anyway, make another move, see how she reacts, like others have said. Worst case scenario, she'll say no and you'll have another disappointment, but at least you'll know you tried your best.

eribrav · 07-13-2006, 02:52 PM

I suspect shesus is right. I don't think she's interested in you sexually, because she keeps passing up opportunities to demonstrate interest. For instance, if Mel Gibson had invited mal over to his place to watch his movie........well, I think it's unlikely she would have declined, and she would have shown up lookin' pretty darned hot me thinks.

If you really want to find out, make a move........

maleficent · 07-13-2006, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eribrav

For instance, if Mel Gibson had invited mal over to his place to watch his movie........well, I think it's unlikely she would have declined, and she would have shown up lookin' pretty darned hot me thinks.

Sadly, i would have -- he's got one of those wife things, and that's a no fly zone for me

Hot??? me???? Oh you're so cute...

ratbastid · 07-13-2006, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eribrav

If you really want to find out, make a move........

Exactly. Just don't be attached to the outcome and don't take anything that happens personally. And if you're not confident you can do that, don't make the move. Making a move hoping things will go your way is a guarantee that they won't. Think about putting it out there like an invitation that she's free to accept or decline.

cyrilndo · 07-17-2006, 01:04 AM

Hi all.
I really do appreciate your replies on this.
Okay I have to ask her but how? is the question.
she is quite different from the others.
She has become cunning.
Poor me I don`t know how to "talk a girl" to a relationship
I am used to getting girls who come to me if they are interested once I indicate that I have interest.

About the movie
Well she did fail to reserve the ticket for the movie so we went clubbing.
Talking about dancing with her. Anyone who sees me with her on the dance floor thinks she is my girlfriend. She likes shaking her "butt" and in me she`s got just the right surface for it. I mean at times there is alot of rubbing when we dance.Talking about kissing, would have been easy if kissing is in our culture.

ratbastid · 07-17-2006, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyrilndo

Talking about kissing, would have been easy if kissing is in our culture.

Where are you? What part of the world features dance-floor ass-rubbing but no kissing? And can I get five days six nights there?

NoSoup · 07-19-2006, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratbastid

Where are you? What part of the world features dance-floor ass-rubbing but no kissing? And can I get five days six nights there?

Ha, screw that - how are the property prices? I think I'd want to permanently live there...

*Nikki* · 07-19-2006, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyrilndo

She likes shaking her "butt" and in me she`s got just the right surface for it. I mean at times there is alot of rubbing when we dance.Talking about kissing, would have been easy if kissing is in our culture.

No matter where you are it sounds like she is a huge tease. I would call her out on her game and let her know you want her to follow through with her actions.

Mantus · 07-20-2006, 12:06 PM

I just want to clear something up here...

How far did you get with her? Corect me if I am wrong but it sounds like you guys havent done much accept dance together. If so...sex talk is going to make her run out the door. You can't convince a woman into being attracted to you.

It seems that she thinks of you as a friend now and you are still thinking that there are romantic possibilities.

Amirah · 07-21-2006, 02:59 AM

But the real question I'm asking myself is: Are you two going out together or not? I mean, boyfriend & girlfriend or does she see you as a friend...I could dance pretty close to a guy and rub my ass against him for fun and not even want to fuck him...its just fun to see how guys like that tend to think they've put you under a spell without doing nothing LOL and if ever they get too comfortable with me (see what I mean) I just dump them or runaway...dancing close to her and going clubbing or to the cinema with her doesn't mean you are her boyfriend so instead of thinking of how you should ask her to fuck...try to figure out exactly what's going on between the two of you...who knows? maybe she wants something serious with you but is afraid that you only want to have some fun with her and so this is why nothing's happened yet

absence_of_color · 07-23-2006, 08:29 PM

I for one would encourage you NOT to "start the sex talk". Talking is only going to ruin it, making too much emphasis on the whole thing. Id say take her out, stop being so nervous because she is so hot, be yourself, and let fun happen. Give her a few intimate glances, an erotic touch every now and then, and, at the end of the night, go in for an astounding good bye kiss. Nothing is more of a turn on than spending a night out with guy you have had an absolute blast with. If she isnt game then, after all the times you have been out, it may be time to fish for another fish.

Val_1 · 07-24-2006, 09:36 AM

If she keeps making excuses whenever you call her, I would suspect that she's not really into you. If she was, she would make more times for you. Unfortunately, you may just be her safe "dance partner" for when she wants to go to the clubs.

jth · 07-25-2006, 04:00 AM

Val is right

sounds to me like she's really just leading you on. She calls you up knowing that you are really into her because she just wants to go out dancing with someone who can dance well and have a good time with. So she keeps you 'on the line' as a guy she knows that she can go clubbing with at the drop of a hat and not have to worry about any sort of commitment to you afterwards, just shake her ass etc.

07-13-2006, 07:55 AM	#1 (permalink)
cyrilndo Upright	How do I start the sex talk. This will surely sound funny. I am 30 and I am having difficults to start a conversation with a girl who is 22 about sex. The point is initially she is the one who came to me showing some interest about a year ago. I was not patient because she is so hot and i wanted to roll her underwear immediately but she did turn out not to be that easy and made me look like a fool. I did feel stupid and did back off kind of. However she will call me at times, she always want that I go out with her to the night club-i am a good dancer. Each time I want to visit her at her place she gives an excuse. If I invite her she gives an excuse. At times she just pump to my place and then goes. It has been going like this for so long and I don`t want to make another stupid mistake. . This weekend she wants us to go watch the movie Brave Heart. Heard it is with Jlo. During this movie I will want to bring up a topic sexually related to see if she is still interested in me sexually. I know she will join in the conversation if I am able to come from an angle that she will be comfortable with. Any ideas on how to start?

07-13-2006, 08:16 AM	#3 (permalink)
rmarshall Addict Location: Kingston,Ontario	Ummm. How about "wanna fuck?". Seriously, when you dance, do you get close? Any chance you could turn her on? Slow dancing? Lambada? How about a kiss on the dancefloor? In the theatre, try putting an arm around her. You have to start slow and don't give up. Sometimes actions and body language speak louder than words. I've been told I have "bedroom eyes". In this day and age, talking about sex shouldn't be so difficult. Ask her about it. Tell her something about you. __________________ "Do not resent growing old. Many are denied the privilege" Irish proverb

07-13-2006, 10:34 AM	#8 (permalink)
shesus Fancy Location: Chicago	Since she keeps calling you she obviously still ilkes to hang out with you. However, she may not want a sexual relationship with you. I've had situations like this in the past. One guy kept trying and trying and I kept saying no. But we still hung out until he finally realized there was no chance of a sexual relationship. No big loss on my part, he was just a fun friend to me. Another guy friend, tried and realized there was nothing sexual, but we still hung out and had a good time until we lost contact with each other through moves. He acccepted what it was and the tension was gone and it was a fun friendship after that. I mention these scenarios because the age gap was about the same as in your situation. Just adding a bit of perspective from her possible stance. Anyway, make another move, see how she reacts, like others have said. Worst case scenario, she'll say no and you'll have another disappointment, but at least you'll know you tried your best. __________________ Whatever did happen to your soul? I heard you sold it Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

07-23-2006, 08:29 PM	#18 (permalink)
absence_of_color Insane Location: in a golden garden of grey	I for one would encourage you NOT to "start the sex talk". Talking is only going to ruin it, making too much emphasis on the whole thing. Id say take her out, stop being so nervous because she is so hot, be yourself, and let fun happen. Give her a few intimate glances, an erotic touch every now and then, and, at the end of the night, go in for an astounding good bye kiss. Nothing is more of a turn on than spending a night out with guy you have had an absolute blast with. If she isnt game then, after all the times you have been out, it may be time to fish for another fish. __________________ ...absent of everything.

07-24-2006, 09:36 AM	#19 (permalink)
Val_1 Addict Location: In a State of Denial	If she keeps making excuses whenever you call her, I would suspect that she's not really into you. If she was, she would make more times for you. Unfortunately, you may just be her safe "dance partner" for when she wants to go to the clubs. __________________ I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. -Frank Sinatra

07-13-2006, 08:12 AM	#2 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	Maybe I am misunderstanding you, but did you just say that you think Jennifer Lopez is in the movie Braveheart? Moving on.... The pace of a relationship should be set by both people, but often it's set by one. Bear that in mind when you bring it up. It'd pretty obvious that she has a lot of the power in your relationship (as often hot women do), and she may be threatened when you try to speed things up. Be gentle, be slow, and be considerate. A sudden change of pace can scare people. Gradual pace change can be more comfortable.

07-13-2006, 08:48 AM	#4 (permalink)
Hardknock Republican slayer Location: WA	I like "wanna fuck" myself..... Seriously, just gather up your nads and ask her. It's as simple as that. Or, make a move, see what happens. Note her response.

07-13-2006, 09:02 AM	#5 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	why would you need to talk when a kiss would just do the trick instead? Body language can tell you way more than any pickup line or sexual discussion if you're just trying to "roll her underwear" Think about it like this. She wasn't easy the first time right? She knew your intentions but yet she still wants you to go clubbing with her.. so just make a move.

07-13-2006, 09:38 AM	#7 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Stay cool, chief. Remember: nothing closes a girl's knees like desperation. I second the "just make a damn move" crowd. What, are you going to say, "Gosh, do you think we could...?" No. Take her face in your hands and kiss her. The reason she hasn't been attracted to you is because of your lack of assertiveness. But there's a balancing act to perform here. Assert yourself--but coolly. Don't take "no" personally. Don't get attached or expectant about anything that might happen.

07-13-2006, 02:52 PM	#9 (permalink)
eribrav Junkie Location: upstate NY	I suspect shesus is right. I don't think she's interested in you sexually, because she keeps passing up opportunities to demonstrate interest. For instance, if Mel Gibson had invited mal over to his place to watch his movie........well, I think it's unlikely she would have declined, and she would have shown up lookin' pretty darned hot me thinks. If you really want to find out, make a move........

07-17-2006, 01:04 AM	#12 (permalink)
cyrilndo Upright	Hi all. I really do appreciate your replies on this. Okay I have to ask her but how? is the question. she is quite different from the others. She has become cunning. Poor me I don`t know how to "talk a girl" to a relationship I am used to getting girls who come to me if they are interested once I indicate that I have interest. About the movie Well she did fail to reserve the ticket for the movie so we went clubbing. Talking about dancing with her. Anyone who sees me with her on the dance floor thinks she is my girlfriend. She likes shaking her "butt" and in me she`s got just the right surface for it. I mean at times there is alot of rubbing when we dance.Talking about kissing, would have been easy if kissing is in our culture.

07-20-2006, 12:06 PM	#16 (permalink)
Mantus lascivious	I just want to clear something up here... How far did you get with her? Corect me if I am wrong but it sounds like you guys havent done much accept dance together. If so...sex talk is going to make her run out the door. You can't convince a woman into being attracted to you. It seems that she thinks of you as a friend now and you are still thinking that there are romantic possibilities.

07-21-2006, 02:59 AM	#17 (permalink)
Amirah Upright	But the real question I'm asking myself is: Are you two going out together or not? I mean, boyfriend & girlfriend or does she see you as a friend...I could dance pretty close to a guy and rub my ass against him for fun and not even want to fuck him...its just fun to see how guys like that tend to think they've put you under a spell without doing nothing LOL and if ever they get too comfortable with me (see what I mean) I just dump them or runaway...dancing close to her and going clubbing or to the cinema with her doesn't mean you are her boyfriend so instead of thinking of how you should ask her to fuck...try to figure out exactly what's going on between the two of you...who knows? maybe she wants something serious with you but is afraid that you only want to have some fun with her and so this is why nothing's happened yet

07-25-2006, 04:00 AM	#20 (permalink)
jth Insane Location: HRM	Val is right sounds to me like she's really just leading you on. She calls you up knowing that you are really into her because she just wants to go out dancing with someone who can dance well and have a good time with. So she keeps you 'on the line' as a guy she knows that she can go clubbing with at the drop of a hat and not have to worry about any sort of commitment to you afterwards, just shake her ass etc. __________________ "A real leader faces the music, even if he doesn't like the tune." - unknown quote