Questioning one's sexuality
 

I haven't been here in awhile, but I know that if I could ask this any place I could ask this here.

Sometimes I question my own sexuality.

I try to add labels to myself and see if they fit right.

Am I hetrosexual...That feels close.
Am I homosexual...that is a little off.

I sit here at unable to sleep and wonder what is going on in my mind.
I have thoughts of males somtimes when I am when I am resting.
Ocassionally I find a male attractive, but I know I prefer females.

Is this questioning of one preferences normal?

I mean is just because I am not getting any attention from females that I start to question my own sexuality. I mean that is a little ridiculous...
Has anyone questioned thier sexuality before? Is this the cause. Should I run out and try to nail the next whore i come across?

I questioned myself once and came to the conclusion that I was hetrosexual.
That was in highschool. I don't know why I am going though this again. It doesn't really make sense.


well here goes nothing...

Questioning your sexuality is an important part of growing up. It's cmpletely normal and healthy. I went through it my first year of college. Out of no where I just started viewing men as a sexual possibility. I started noticing good looking guys and I was quite concerened by how much I thought about it. The worrying about it just made me think about it more, and in turn worry more. Eventually I dealt with the fact that most people have a bit of adrogyny in them, and that it is normal to appreciate beauty in the same sex. Since then I've been totally comfortable and confident in myself as a pretty big hetero :).

It seems as if you arnt exactly sure about your sexuality right now, but the best thing you can do to clear things up is to realize that no matter what you are or how you feel that you have to accept yourself for who you are. You want to be happy, and you dont have to force yourself into a specific sexual guideline to be happy. To me this mainly sounds like you are just realizing that sexuality isnt black and white. Don't Worry!

MEAD stole my response right out of my mouth. Like word for word. I think this kind of thing happens to more people than you think, and it sounds pretty damn normal to me.

Like Mead said, sexuality isn't always black and white. It could be that you're heterosexual, but have a very slight leaning towards bisexuality. As Mead also said, it could be that you're just being more open to realizing that other men are attractive. Doesn't have to be in a sexual way, but your brain is just having trouble deciding where to file that realization. :p It's entirely normal to explore and question your sexuality, and no matter where you ultimately feel you fit in, it's fine as long as you are happy! :)

Since about junior high or possibly before, I had always been generally attracted to both males and females. However it wasn't until college that I was able to solidly identify myself as bisexual. It can take time and experience, don't rush or force yourself into any particular decision. :)

The famous Dr. Kinsey said that we're all bisexual; it's all a matter of degree.

Why let the labels define you? Just do what makes you happy. If you happen to be attrated to a guy but are otherwise into chicks (or vice versa), then so be it. I have yet to meet a guy I feel sexually attracted to; if I did, I wouldn't be likely to act on it. Am I going to be agonizing over the thought that I might be gay if it occurs? No, because for one, being gay isn't some sort of affliction to be worked up about and even if it were I'm far too obsessed with women to have that be an issue.

I don't know. Gay or straight, I always sort of figured that we'd all be a bit better off if we didn't spend so much bloody time trying to attach labels to ourselves and each other.

If you need a label, try Heteroflexible. You may see guys as attractive and leave yourself open to the possibility of experimenting with the same sex but more so than not you are heterosexual. You may just enjoy looking at a nice looking guy in porn movies or whatever but not really interested in having any real sexual contact with a male. On, the other hand you might enjoy having some sort of sexual contact with the same sex. You might could seek out some groups on your college campus just to talk and see what similar people have to say. I think alot of people go through this at some point in their life.

Whatever, you come up with, it's cool. Just relax and be whoever and whatever you are supposed to be.

If you need a label, try human. :)

I didn't develop a sex drive until I was 17 or 18, so I had a period where I thought I might be gay, since everyone around me had been "turned on" since they were like 11. But I didn't think of men in a sexual way either, so I decided that must not be it and I would just wait and see. Sure enough, I turned into the sexual tyrannosaurus we all know and love. :)

So, I guess my advice is chill the fuck out and stop trying to label yourself. I think "nailing the next whore you come across" would be dumb to do if you are doing it to reassure yourself of something. However, if you are just into nailing whores, I guess that is what they are for. :)

Thanks for your replies.

I guess I am just coming to realization that sexuality isn't black and white.

I will try and relax and just be me. Whenever I do that I am the happiest. I don't know why I try so hard to fight it.

Thanks again for your replies.

I was 100% heterosexual until about six months after Martel and I got married, and then I realized that I really, really dig women. Martel is pretty much the only guy I'm attracted to, I mean, I can appreciate a good looking guy but I'd much rather bang the hot chick he's dating.

I now feel about 80% attracted to women, 20% attracted to men. It's not wierd at all- in fact, the possibility of brining another woman into our relationship just makes things hotter for Martel and I!

Nobody knew better than the ol' doc. And he did his research not long after the largest uncontrolled study of male/male sexuality under stress in history: World War II.

Read a book once called "Coming Out Under Fire" about experiences of gays in the service during WWII. And a lot of the book was about gay soldiers who already knew they were gay. But some of the book dealt with all the male/male sex going on between men who _didn't_ consider themselves gay -- but were a long way from home, young, and under stress with a tight group of other men who they'd bonded with.

Anyway, everybody's different, and everybody's ambivalent -- to a different degree, and also under different circumstances. It is entirely normal to wonder "what you are" when your own feelings don't seem to match up to the cultural norms for your sex. In reality, though, there aren't two sexes: there are about six billion.

I've questioned my sexuality for the last five years or so... since I was about 22, and went to live in Iceland for a year and discovered how diverse people's sexualities were. (I was an evangelical Christian from age 14 to 22-ish, so I had pretty much cauterized my sexuality up until that point.) I started wondering about mine... freaked me out a bit at first, how I thought about women (similiar to what you describe). But, I tried to just let it be what it was.

Since I started having sex at age 24, with a guy (none with women before, though), I can say that I am certainly more towards the heterosexual side of the bi-scale. But not 100%. And I'm fine with that. I like getting off watching lesbian porn, about as much as I get off watching XXX hetero. I don't know if I'll ever play around with a woman, since it's not something that my partner and I are comfortable with at this point. And I won't do anything that he wouldn't be comfortable with, sexually. But, the desire is there, and it's just a part of me. I wouldn't call myself formally bi, but I'm not afraid of that label, either.

Because a label is just that... an easy way to categorize yourself and others. You are who you are. A complex person, with many facets. Stick to that, and you'll be okay. :)

Questioning and reevaluating your sexuality is both normal and healthy. There's nothing wrong with noticing other guys, and that doesn't mean you're gay. It's more important to recognize that not only is there nothing wrong with it, it's a healthy and natural response. Even if you never choose to act on it, and you might not, it's better to accept it as a part of who you are rather than try to repress it to make yourself "normal".

I spent most of my sexually active years questioning my sexuality. I've always been more attracted to women than to men, but for a very long time tried to deny and repress that part of me to prove to myself and to others that I was straight and normal. The classic term for this is "overcompensation", and I overcompensated all over the place in all kinds of ways. I had three steady boyfriends in college, and it wasn't until I'd gotten past the idea that there was something wrong with my being attracted to other women.

It took me until I was in my mid twenties, after 15 years of sexual activity to figure out that I was essentially homosexual with just a bit of heterosexuality added in for flavor. In other words, I'm a lesbian, but that doesn't preclude me from recognizing that Pierce Brosnan and Jimmy Smits are smokin' hot.

So long as nobody is getting unwillingly hurt, there is no right or wrong in human sexuality, it just is what it is. Accept that you are normal and that the way you feel is normal and healthy, because it is.

Gilda