Xavion

What i mean is, literally, how do you define your attraction to someone?
I suppose i mean this in a sexual context.

Like with me, my attaction is initally physical. I check out every person i come in contact with and I think to myself "Would I have sex with that person?" ...i know that makes me a superficial bastard of a man, but it's the truth!

But at the same time...in people that i wouldn't normally be attracted to on a purely physical level, i could find myself liking certain things about their personality, or their demeanor, and that would trigger something in me, and i'll find myself being attracted to them.

Am I the odd one, or does this hold true for some of you guys out there?

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"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer!"

Martian

Attraction is an amalgamation of all a person's traits. I may not be romantically interested in someone who I don't find physically attracted, even if she has a great personality. On the other side of it, someone may be a perfect ten, but if their personality is uninteresting to me than I probably won't want much to do with them.

Note that this is all very personal as well. What I find attractive physically or personality-wise, may be a complete turn-off to someone else. Everybody has a type and everyone is someone else's type.

As to what causes an attraction, that's beyond me. I can tell you what I'm personally interested in, but that's not very useful information to anyone other than me. Knowing what I like doesn't create any universals, nor does it define anyone else's taste except in an accidental fashion.

In any case, I don't think taking a person's physical appearance into account is shallow. If I don't find someone good looking, I'm not going to pretend that I do in order to be politically correct. It's dishonest and I think that's ultimately a disservice to those involved. Attraction can't be faked and you can't make yourself be attracted to someone you find uninteresting.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Jimellow

Generally, there must be enough physical attraction for me to pursuing talking to her, and after that it almost entirely comes down to personality, and the ensuing conversation.

I find that good, meaningful, discussions are one of the things I am best at, so it's important that the girl has the mindset to enter and actively participate in such conversations.

I figure that I'm eventually going to get tired of looking at her (and she at me), but if there is a solid emotional/conversational bond, things will last for a long time.

Extremely attractive girls are both intimidating to me, and also a bit of a turnoff, as I tend to assume that such girls care more about physicality and superficiality than they do the things I consider to be more important, such as personality and the desire for a long term relationship.

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Desperation is no excuse for lowering one's standards.

BigDonkey2

I totally agree with you on this one. I usually check out every girl I see as well. It doesn't make you a superficial bastard, I think it's only human nature to do so. Initial attraction for me is physical as well but you have to have a good personality to match it. Even girls who aren't that hot or cute; there's usually something that I find physically attractive about them. They may not be the ones I usually go for but theres one thing that gets my attention and attracts me to that person. Like what Martian said, different people are attracted to different things. What one person finds attractive might be a total turnoff for another person. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I agree with what Jimellow says about extremely attractive girls. They are very intimidating, but usually theres nothing behind their physical beauty besides their designer name purse, shoes, etc and they care more about material things. Now I'm not saying thats all extremely good looking girls, but just a majority of them. It seems to me that all these hot looking girls at the bars and clubs are either just looking for someone to have sex with or someone with a lot of money. Thats just me though. I read a lot of FHM, Maxim, and Stuff magazines with interviews of all these great looking girls and they all say that men are intimidated to come up and talk to them, which is true. However, some of these girls look good on paper, but once you meet them they're just like the other ones; materialistic and superficial. I think that if you wanted one of these women that you would have to be original and creative, or just go with a good old fashioned "Hi" and not some stupid pickup line.

Personality is a selling point for me, which seems to be the consensus among the people here too. The past few girlfriends that I've had haven't been stunningly attractive (but attractive to me), but I found their personalities to shine, which to me enhances their physical beauty. Granted things didn't work out with them, but it was their personality that attracted me to them along with the initial physical attraction. I think that you can find someone physically attractive and once you get to know their personality they become more attractive. I know it's happened to me before. After getting to know girls I find attractive they become either more or less attractive to me. I don't know if anybody else is like that though. Everybody is different and likes different things, so I think its hard to define exactly what makes one person attracted to another. There are tons of cases of opposites attract, but nobody knows why they're attracted to each other. It's a personal preference.

Miss Ina

Physical attraction is definitely an element. I have to be completely physically attracted to somebody to want to be with them romantically in the least. But emotional attraction -- my desire to spend time with them, to be around them, to learn about them, to talk to them, to dress up a day-to-day outfit because there's a small chance I might get to see them -- that's what keeps me attracted to them after the initial physical attraction. Who knows what triggers emotional attraction for me, or anybody, but I would imagine it has a lot to do with one's individual life experiences.

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The word "time" split its husk; poured its riches over him; and from his lips fell like shells, like shavings from a plane, without his making them, hard, white, imperishable words, and flew to attach themselves to their places in an ode to Time; an immortal ode to Time.
—Virginia Woolf, Mrs Dalloway

genuinegirly

Attraction-

the first thing i notice about a man is his hands. no idea why they grab my attention so quickly. Muscular, caloused, rough, slim, or soft... doesn't matter. If their hands are interesting, they have a story to tell. Current SO - has crooked pinky fingers that are extra short. His brother has them, too. It's genetic, but they joke that their older brothers did it to them. Guy from Anthropology class that won a crush for a semester - was from an upper-middle class family, yet had super rough muscular hands. Turns out he had been working as a box boy at Costco for the past several years to save for drugs and college. Theatre techie fling - super soft, muscular hands but they were still slender, not chunky like most manly men. Turns out he was a closet gay.

I pay far too much attention to the freakish little things. like hands.

Anyhew... I'm attracted to someone who has a story to tell. My sister often tells me that she doesn't find my favorites attractive in the slightest. I'm not a fan of a pretty-boy face. It's all about the masculinity. It's difficult these days to find masculinity without misogyny.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

savvypup

I know when I meet someone or someone catches my eye my initial thought is the same - how do they rate on my 'could I have sex with that person', closely followed by 'I wonder what they kiss like or look like naked'.

What do I find really attractive - eyes & lips ...... and chest but of course I don't see this first off (sigh, unfortunately)

But ultimately, the more I get to know people, the more attractive they become in my eyes. It's funny how a cute guy can become completely repulsive when you find out what a complete wank they are.

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ciao bella!

Lady Sage

I'm such a girl! EYES EYES EYES!!!! A good pair of honest eyes, a great personality and please god give him brain cells that work!!!!!
The rest is proverbial Gravy. A man must first make love to my mind in order to make love to my body otherwise... ACCESS DENIED.

little_tippler

I agree that the initial attraction, is usually visual/physical. But there can be exceptions of course. Sometimes you meet someone and there is nothing physical and then you get to know them a little and suddenly they become very attractive because their mindset is that interesting to you. Sometimes you meet someone who turns out to have an interesting personality but then still you don't feel attracted romantically. It can vary a lot for me.

But if we're talking about the more common visual attraction, well then I can describe what it is that makes me click. There's all that basic stuff like nice body (slim but toned), I like my men clean shaven generally, short hair I prefer over long, but not too short, wispy is nice, I also like men that have a softness about the face, where their expression isn't too deep set but they look like they are pensive, and have a twinkle in their eyes. I also look at hands like JustJess, but I like men with manly but delicate hands (and definitely clean nails!!), and I also look at the backs of necks for some reason. The right nape of the neck will give me shivers. Weird I know.

I don't immediately think about having sex, I usually think along the lines of, I wonder if I asked him for his phone number if he'd give it to me and, I wonder what he's like and what he does every day. Sometimes I try to picture myself with that person.

Usually if I see someone who I find attractive I'm your typical painfully shy girl, I will look away and feel really embarrassed then try and sneak a peek every once in a while. Boring and gets me nowhere but it's not something I can help, it's a hormonal response and I can feel a little surge of adrenaline going through me and making me feel anxious. Turns me into a total idiot! lol

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

pan6467

Thank God it wasn't based on looks or I'd have never gotten access to the best life, spiritual and sexual partner I have ever had.

For me personally, I am attracted first to the eyes, they are the window to the soul and can tell you so much.

From there it is the heart, honesty (with others and self), soul, love and care that the woman shows.

And finally the intelligence.

I have dated very beautiful women only to be turned off by their attitudes and their greed and hunger.

I have dated women that aren't outwardly beautiful but their hearts were extremely beautiful.

I liken it to this...... if I marry a woman for her outwardly beauty and possessions and she is in a car accident and loses everything, what do we have left?

If I marry a woman that challenges my mind, forgives my eccentricities (which the fair and lovely Lady Sage can tell you I have many of), and love me for who and what I am, then I have the world and shall be happy for all time.

I am extremely lucky in that Lady Sage has all the above and is as beautiful inside as she is outside. I could never find anyone more attractive in every way, as she is to me.

(I am such a sentimentalist and suck ass how does she put up with me? )

__________________
I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

Jinn

Checklist in the first half second or so, usually unconcious;

1 Hair, eyebrows, eyes.
2 Cheeks, teeth, smile, chin.
3 Collarbone (yes, collarbone), upper bicep, stomach, lower leg, ankle.
3 Movement, Voice, Intelligence.

Boobs? Maybe if they're eyegrabbing, probably not.

Most of my decision of "attractiveness" comes from collarbone, upper bicep and eyes. Hair and smile are a pretty close second, but my feeling during 3 and 4 are the most important. An annoying voice (or god forbid, laugh) can ruin it for me, as can drivel coming out of their mouth.

Usually the first thought is of the intellectual curiosity type as others have mentioned above, but that's it. Unfortunately, I feel like my list and the lists above are going to make people all that more self-concious.

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Spaz007

Their stare, I usally fall for people with a stare. Of corse looks are one thing but when a girl is staring into the distance all I can think of is why. That attraction hits hard for me, then I have to meet them because I want to know. Clothes are also a big thing, I don't mind what people wear but if it's stylish it's a bigger turn on.

Moyaboy

I believe attraction is defined by how you react to and around a person.

I find that a person's personality speaks volumes to find a person attractive. When I first met Xavion, I thought wow what a good looking man. But that would have been all it was, just eye candy.

But then he spoke to me, and I melted. His voice was relaxing and calm and then I got to know him.

I can say that I began to find him utterly him irresistable, but that is based on his personality.

But without talking to him in depth, I wouldn't of had even considered him more than just eye candy.

__________________
"With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion."
- Steven Weinberg

Xavion

Hehe...well thanks Boo-Boo...I love you too...hehe

The first time i met you i was totally attracted to you because of your eyes...you have the most beautiful, piercing blue eyes (mainly because of those damn blue shirts they made you managers wear at work...they always brought out the blue in your eyes baby)...but what REALLY reeled me in was you whole demeanor. You're by far one of the most friendly, mysterious, engaging, blunt and unpredictable people i've ever met in my whole life. How could i not love you.

The more time that passes, the more attracted to you i become...it's uncanny!

__________________
"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer!"

Hardknock

http://img104.imageshack.us/img104/9762/11mz.jpg (NSFW)

nuff said.

Edit: Yay! I have a warning log!! kick ass!!

lullay

Eyes and smile, first and foremost. How they carry themself, how they act with the people around them. Confidence, or a sense of being at ease with one's self is a biggie (though nerves can be either very cute or very irritating depending on the context).
Curves, not skin and bones. A voice with character. Geekiness. Many things contribute!

WhiteKoopa

On the purely physical side, I'm weird. I can find someone to be very attractive, without desiring that person at all. I will not want to get to know that person, kiss, feel, have sex, or anything at all, yet I will look at them and find them attractive. On the other side, there are people I do not find attractive, yet desire very much. My sexually is twisted x_X

Xavion

Maybe i'm the dirty one here...because when i see someone, anyone, ANY GIVEN PERSON--fat, skinny, short, tall, light, dark, man or women (bi-sexual here), my first thought is literally:

"Would i have sex with that person?"

This doesn't apply to geriactrics or children...i'm a horny bastard, but i'm not a freak!


But after asking myself that question, that's when i start to assess the person, starting with physical features, then moving on to manuerisms, then ending up with trying to apply the information that i've observed and inferred, using it all to try to determine more about the person.

Essentially though, my initial attraction is purely animalistic in nature.

I already know that i'm a dirty man-whore...but what i wanted to know was if this was true for other people in general. But from the response i've received to this thread i guess that the old homage is true: 'Men are visual and women are emotional.'

__________________
"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer!"

dd3953

My list is very much like yours. Movement is what catches my eye, so I guess it is the frist thinkg I look for, without even paying it any attention. Eyes are the first thing I know I am looking for. If the woman can handle a little eye contact, then I move to smile and teeth, cheeks and so forth. Voice and intelligence may be last on my list but they are the most important, because if I can't have a conversation with her, what does the rest matter?

But if the conversation goes well, then I allow myself to really check her out, and for me boobs are almost always eyegrabbing

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[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

777

Personally, I've stopped asking my self whether or not I'd sleep with her, because 3/4 of the time, the answer is "yes", and the other 1/4, it's "Maybe".

Now what does it for me, are leggy gals. Tall, with nice legs, and either long hair, or curly hair. But I do have a major deal breaker. If she doesn't have a sense of humor, then I don't want to spend more than 2 seconds with her. Humor is my art form. And if it can't be appreaciated, then it's her loss. Along with that, I do enjoy the sound of her laughter. And lastly (or fristly), the sound of her voice. There was this on gal I met in high school that had a really hot voice, just not all the time. I first met her in the library, and it was low, near that of a whisper, and she spoke slowly. You just had to focus on the sound of her voice so completely that there was no library around us (I've practised a slow, low voice myself, it works, gals have said my voice sounds hot). Outside of that quiet enviroment, it was loud, fast, and would never, ever stop.

And if she can sing, I'm all her's. I fell for an ugly gal with the most beautiful voice once.

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"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny