Should I feel bad about this? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

thelifeandtimes · 04-05-2006, 02:13 PM

My ex-girlfriend and I were dating for about a year before she decided she needed to act her age and not have to deal with committment at such a young age. She broke it off a little bit more than a month ago. Within that month, she tells me she misses me a lot and that she needs some more time to get her stuff together, which really means, I need some more time to mess around with other people before we can get back together. Anyways, about a week ago, I met a girl at the movies and we immediately hit it off, and we've been talking ever since. Last night we both decided we would like to start dating each other and see where our attraction leads us. My ex sits next to me in my government class and she found out and asked me if I liked her. I told her i did. I wasn't going to spare the truth for her happiness. Now the question is, is should I feel bad about this? We've only been apart for a month, and I'm already starting to date someone new, is it too soon?

Sultana · 04-05-2006, 02:26 PM

Only you can answer this.
From what you've written, you've been honest and upfront with both girls. What more could anyone expect of you?

How did you meet someone at the movies, anyway?

Toaster126 · 04-05-2006, 02:26 PM

Nope. Don't feel guilty at all. Not only is it okay to start dating again whenever you feel like it, she fucking broke up with you. Her comments that she misses you a lot and needs time to get her stuff together are cute, but actions speak louder than words, and she broke up with you.

Live on, and report back how your date goes.

Siege · 04-05-2006, 04:39 PM

So people need to be a certain age before they have a commited relationship? That's news to me.

Anyway, SHE broke up with you, SHE'S the one who regrets the decision, YOU'RE the one with a date with an awesome sounding girl.

If she missed you so much, she wouldn't of broken up with you in the first place.

Gonth · 04-05-2006, 04:42 PM

Not at all.
The reason alot of people wait to date again is because its hard to just step back and let go. You know why your ex left you and it sounds like you've been able to cut the ties without regret. Which is pretty impressive in my opionion, after a year-long relationship. I know that would seriously bum me out.

And I must repeat Sultana here, how do you meet someone at the movies?

doncalypso · 04-05-2006, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelifeandtimes

My ex-girlfriend and I were dating for about a year before she decided she needed to act her age and not have to deal with committment at such a young age. She broke it off a little bit more than a month ago. Within that month, she tells me she misses me a lot and that she needs some more time to get her stuff together, which really means, I need some more time to mess around with other people before we can get back together. Anyways, about a week ago, I met a girl at the movies and we immediately hit it off, and we've been talking ever since. Last night we both decided we would like to start dating each other and see where our attraction leads us. My ex sits next to me in my government class and she found out and asked me if I liked her. I told her i did. I wasn't going to spare the truth for her happiness. Now the question is, is should I feel bad about this? We've only been apart for a month, and I'm already starting to date someone new, is it too soon?

She is the one who broke it off with you, so tough shit. The only reason she's feeding you that bullshit about missing you and being inquisitive about your new girl is because her ego is ruffled by the fact that you're not moping and begging her to come back to you.

My advice to you is to never take her back... ever. Even if she begs you to take her back don't do it because she''ll dump you again. Obviously she wants to go have sex with other guys and it bothers her that you might be getting some new poontang while she may not have gotten the chance to sample some new wood yet.

Do your best to make it work with the new girl, and don't feel any remore about the ex. She's history.

Topper · 04-05-2006, 05:23 PM

Just keep being straightforward and honest with all parties as you have, and you'll be fine. It won't always stop things from becoming "complicated", but it will maintain your own integrity in these situations. That should minimize most relationship-guilt inducing circumstances.

Good luck with the new girl!

magictoy · 04-05-2006, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doncalypso

She is the one who broke it off with you, so tough shit. The only reason she's feeding you that bullshit about missing you and being inquisitive about your new girl is because her ego is ruffled by the fact that you're not moping and begging her to come back to you.

It's also possible that she's using you as a fallback position in case the new boyfriend doesn't work out.

Unless you like being used, you should move on, and that seems to be exactly what you're doing. Good for you.

Toaster126 · 04-05-2006, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doncalypso

My advice to you is to never take her back... ever. Even if she begs you to take her back don't do it because she''ll dump you again.

I'll go ahead and quote this for truth, although people never listen to this shit. Somehow people have perspective when they see it happen to others, but get all retarded when it happens to them.

doncalypso · 04-05-2006, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toaster126

I'll go ahead and quote this for truth, although people never listen to this shit. Somehow people have perspective when they see it happen to others, but get all retarded when it happens to them.

Hindsight is 20/20... But it's easier said than done, unfortunately.

analog · 04-05-2006, 08:28 PM

Especially since she broke up with you, you have no need to "wait" any amount of time. Put this other girl out of your mind and concentrate on the new girl... and tell the other one that you have no time for shenanigans... no time.

healer · 04-06-2006, 02:38 AM

Why wait? If the new girl's as great as you're making her sound, there's no point in jeopardising something possibly great by dragging your feet.

Your Ex is exactly that. Keep it that way. And good luck with the new girl. Let us know how things work out.

savvypup · 04-06-2006, 03:50 AM

Definitely not. The consensus here is pretty much don't be hard on yourself. You did nothing wrong.

So she breaks it off, so she can fool around with other people for a little while and you're expected to wait in the shadows until she's ready to be with you again. How unfair. Her wanting to have space and see other people is totally reasonable. If in the future you're both single and hook up again then great, until then ....... go have some guilt-free fun. She is.

ratbastid · 04-06-2006, 04:29 AM

Another voice in the "She left you, you're free and clear" camp.

Crack · 04-06-2006, 08:31 AM

take her back, and you will forever be her chump, that she will abuse until you get tired of it, because if you do go back, she will think she has you wrapped around her little finger. a healthy comitited relationship isn't about not screwing other people, it's about trusting someone else not to hurt and leave you for the hell of it.

JStrider · 04-06-2006, 09:00 AM

yup... no reason to feel bad at all!

and yah man... how did you meet this new girl at the movies?

she dump popcorn in your lap and start brushing it out while watching kung fu movies?

BigDonkey2 · 04-06-2006, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doncalypso

She is the one who broke it off with you, so tough shit. The only reason she's feeding you that bullshit about missing you and being inquisitive about your new girl is because her ego is ruffled by the fact that you're not moping and begging her to come back to you.

Couldn't have said it any better myself

thelifeandtimes · 04-06-2006, 08:52 PM

Thanks yall. Me and the ex had some words today and after her telling me she missed me and was jealous and all of the same BS, I told her straight up I was done being dragged around on the backburner and I was done playing the guessing game. Im done with her, it was her loss, and after todays conversation, I dont feel bad. Anyways, the new girl and I have been hanging out a lot lately, but tonight was our official "first date." It was wonderful and I loved every second of it. I haven't been this happy with someone for a very long time. We both really like each other, but are taking it slow, not jumping into this too fast considering we just met. We can talk and actually hold intelligent conversations, something my last relationship was lacking sometimes. So far, things are going just fantastic, but only time will tell. Oh and to the ones who wanted to know how I met her at the movies. A mutual friend invited her and I ended up taking a seat right next to her and we talked for awhile before the movie and after the movie and just hit it off. Got her number and then the rest was history.

doncalypso · 04-07-2006, 03:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelifeandtimes

Thanks yall. Me and the ex had some words today and after her telling me she missed me and was jealous and all of the same BS, I told her straight up I was done being dragged around on the backburner and I was done playing the guessing game. Im done with her, it was her loss, and after todays conversation, I dont feel bad....

Good... very good.

Now that was only half the battle because your ex might try to mess with your mind and sabotage your relationship because of bruised ego. This doesn't mean that she really misses you as she claims but rather that she's bothered by the fact that you're not begging her to take you back as most men would.

Good luck with getting things going with the new girlfriend, and definitely avoid all contact with your ex because she's obviously a devious nutcase who has no respect for you or for your feelings.

Toaster126 · 04-07-2006, 05:49 AM

YAY! I love happy endings to stories on TFP.

analog · 04-07-2006, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelifeandtimes

Anyways, the new girl and I have been hanging out a lot lately, but tonight was our official "first date." It was wonderful and I loved every second of it. I haven't been this happy with someone for a very long time.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

*I have a soft spot for happy love stories*

thelifeandtimes · 04-08-2006, 03:45 PM

Another little update for all who care. Yesterday while in my government class, I fell asleep after I was finished with our test, and I am awoken by my ex sliding a note underneath my hand. I open it and begin to read it, then I get half way down the page and this is what I read:" Let me know when things get rocky between you and the new girl, then I'll tell you what I want out of us." I laughed out loud, stopped reading, looked at her, folded the note up, put it in my binder and went back to sleep. It was such a pathetic attempt to try and make me feel bad for her and guilty for my actions that is laughable. She just doesnt understand that Im done.
Then I went out with the new girl last night and introduced her to my closest friends. I figured if she can get along with all of them, then she's a keeper, and by golly, she hit it off great with them. I was happy to say the least. The ex always seemed to have little problems with everyone when we went out causing us to never really hang out with my friends. Anyways, we were leaving so i walked her to her car and we were getting rather close and as the inevitable first kiss was quickly approaching, all my friends decided they wanted to come to her car and talk. Needless to say, we both felt really awkard about it, seen how we felt we had an audience, even after they left, so we hugged and went our seperate ways for the night. No rush. Actually, I really like the fact that we are taking things rather slowly. It builds that anticipation up for the next time we see each other. But thats it. We are going out again tonight for date number 3, which Im sure will be just as good as the last 2.

Sweetpea · 04-08-2006, 04:19 PM

good luck. use protection.

sweetpea

doncalypso · 04-08-2006, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelifeandtimes

Another little update for all who care. Yesterday while in my government class, I fell asleep after I was finished with our test, and I am awoken by my ex sliding a note underneath my hand. I open it and begin to read it, then I get half way down the page and this is what I read:" Let me know when things get rocky between you and the new girl, then I'll tell you what I want out of us." I laughed out loud, stopped reading, looked at her, folded the note up, put it in my binder and went back to sleep. It was such a pathetic attempt to try and make me feel bad for her and guilty for my actions that is laughable. She just doesnt understand that I'm done....

I see the Force is strong with you, my young Jedi apprentice.... I couldn't be any prouder because a few years ago---assuming I was in your shoes---I would've been definitely thrown off-balance but such an attempt by your ex.

Excellent job, my friend.

Oh... good luck with the new girl. Sounds to me like she's got potential for a good healthy relationship.

thelifeandtimes · 04-15-2006, 10:52 AM

Yesterday, the new girl and I spent a majority of the day together and it was awesome to say the least. We basically just hung out at a coffee place with some of her friends, and at my house and her house. It was honestly one of the best days I've had in a long time. Some time during us hanging out, we decided to move our dating into an actual relationship. Then as I was leaving her house later that night, we had our first kiss. I've never actually experienced a kiss such as the one we had. I felt it throughout my whole body if that makes sense. It was amazing. I am excited to see what is in store for her and I, for I feel it is something great.

Thank you to everyone that has put in their 2 cents. It helped a lot,and it is much appreciated.

doncalypso · 04-15-2006, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelifeandtimes

Yesterday, the new girl and I spent a majority of the day together and it was awesome to say the least. We basically just hung out at a coffee place with some of her friends, and at my house and her house. It was honestly one of the best days I've had in a long time. Some time during us hanging out, we decided to move our dating into an actual relationship. Then as I was leaving her house later that night, we had our first kiss. I've never actually experienced a kiss such as the one we had. I felt it throughout my whole body if that makes sense. It was amazing. I am excited to see what is in store for her and I, for I feel it is something great.

Thank you to everyone that has put in their 2 cents. It helped a lot,and it is much appreciated.

Much progress you have made, my young Padawan. Very strong in the Force you have become.

A Jedi Knight you are now.

04-05-2006, 02:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
thelifeandtimes Upright	Should I feel bad about this? My ex-girlfriend and I were dating for about a year before she decided she needed to act her age and not have to deal with committment at such a young age. She broke it off a little bit more than a month ago. Within that month, she tells me she misses me a lot and that she needs some more time to get her stuff together, which really means, I need some more time to mess around with other people before we can get back together. Anyways, about a week ago, I met a girl at the movies and we immediately hit it off, and we've been talking ever since. Last night we both decided we would like to start dating each other and see where our attraction leads us. My ex sits next to me in my government class and she found out and asked me if I liked her. I told her i did. I wasn't going to spare the truth for her happiness. Now the question is, is should I feel bad about this? We've only been apart for a month, and I'm already starting to date someone new, is it too soon?

04-05-2006, 02:26 PM	#2 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	Only you can answer this. From what you've written, you've been honest and upfront with both girls. What more could anyone expect of you? How did you meet someone at the movies, anyway? __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

04-05-2006, 02:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
Toaster126 Extreme moderation Location: Kansas City, yo.	Nope. Don't feel guilty at all. Not only is it okay to start dating again whenever you feel like it, she fucking broke up with you. Her comments that she misses you a lot and needs time to get her stuff together are cute, but actions speak louder than words, and she broke up with you. Live on, and report back how your date goes. __________________ "The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand) "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

04-05-2006, 04:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
Siege is a tiger Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada	So people need to be a certain age before they have a commited relationship? That's news to me. Anyway, SHE broke up with you, SHE'S the one who regrets the decision, YOU'RE the one with a date with an awesome sounding girl. If she missed you so much, she wouldn't of broken up with you in the first place. __________________ "Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek" --Kevin Smith This part just makes my posts easier to find

04-06-2006, 03:50 AM	#13 (permalink)
savvypup Crazy Location: Want to run away? Follow the light	Definitely not. The consensus here is pretty much don't be hard on yourself. You did nothing wrong. So she breaks it off, so she can fool around with other people for a little while and you're expected to wait in the shadows until she's ready to be with you again. How unfair. Her wanting to have space and see other people is totally reasonable. If in the future you're both single and hook up again then great, until then ....... go have some guilt-free fun. She is. __________________ ciao bella!

04-05-2006, 04:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
Gonth Upright Location: Home sweet home is Decatur GA, but currently schooling in Rochester NY	Not at all. The reason alot of people wait to date again is because its hard to just step back and let go. You know why your ex left you and it sounds like you've been able to cut the ties without regret. Which is pretty impressive in my opionion, after a year-long relationship. I know that would seriously bum me out. And I must repeat Sultana here, how do you meet someone at the movies?

04-05-2006, 05:23 PM	#7 (permalink)
Topper Tilted Location: Seattle	Just keep being straightforward and honest with all parties as you have, and you'll be fine. It won't always stop things from becoming "complicated", but it will maintain your own integrity in these situations. That should minimize most relationship-guilt inducing circumstances. Good luck with the new girl!

04-05-2006, 08:28 PM	#11 (permalink)
analog Banned	Especially since she broke up with you, you have no need to "wait" any amount of time. Put this other girl out of your mind and concentrate on the new girl... and tell the other one that you have no time for shenanigans... no time.

04-06-2006, 04:29 AM	#14 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Another voice in the "She left you, you're free and clear" camp.

04-06-2006, 08:31 AM	#15 (permalink)
Crack Misanthropic Location: Ohio! yay!	take her back, and you will forever be her chump, that she will abuse until you get tired of it, because if you do go back, she will think she has you wrapped around her little finger. a healthy comitited relationship isn't about not screwing other people, it's about trusting someone else not to hurt and leave you for the hell of it. __________________ Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex. ~Halx

04-06-2006, 09:00 AM	#16 (permalink)
JStrider Poo-tee-weet? Location: The Woodlands, TX	yup... no reason to feel bad at all! and yah man... how did you meet this new girl at the movies? she dump popcorn in your lap and start brushing it out while watching kung fu movies? __________________ -=JStrider=- ~Clatto Verata Nicto

04-06-2006, 08:52 PM	#18 (permalink)
thelifeandtimes Upright	Thanks yall. Me and the ex had some words today and after her telling me she missed me and was jealous and all of the same BS, I told her straight up I was done being dragged around on the backburner and I was done playing the guessing game. Im done with her, it was her loss, and after todays conversation, I dont feel bad. Anyways, the new girl and I have been hanging out a lot lately, but tonight was our official "first date." It was wonderful and I loved every second of it. I haven't been this happy with someone for a very long time. We both really like each other, but are taking it slow, not jumping into this too fast considering we just met. We can talk and actually hold intelligent conversations, something my last relationship was lacking sometimes. So far, things are going just fantastic, but only time will tell. Oh and to the ones who wanted to know how I met her at the movies. A mutual friend invited her and I ended up taking a seat right next to her and we talked for awhile before the movie and after the movie and just hit it off. Got her number and then the rest was history.

04-07-2006, 05:49 AM	#20 (permalink)
Toaster126 Extreme moderation Location: Kansas City, yo.	YAY! I love happy endings to stories on TFP. __________________ "The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand) "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

04-08-2006, 03:45 PM	#22 (permalink)
thelifeandtimes Upright	Another little update for all who care. Yesterday while in my government class, I fell asleep after I was finished with our test, and I am awoken by my ex sliding a note underneath my hand. I open it and begin to read it, then I get half way down the page and this is what I read:" Let me know when things get rocky between you and the new girl, then I'll tell you what I want out of us." I laughed out loud, stopped reading, looked at her, folded the note up, put it in my binder and went back to sleep. It was such a pathetic attempt to try and make me feel bad for her and guilty for my actions that is laughable. She just doesnt understand that Im done. Then I went out with the new girl last night and introduced her to my closest friends. I figured if she can get along with all of them, then she's a keeper, and by golly, she hit it off great with them. I was happy to say the least. The ex always seemed to have little problems with everyone when we went out causing us to never really hang out with my friends. Anyways, we were leaving so i walked her to her car and we were getting rather close and as the inevitable first kiss was quickly approaching, all my friends decided they wanted to come to her car and talk. Needless to say, we both felt really awkard about it, seen how we felt we had an audience, even after they left, so we hugged and went our seperate ways for the night. No rush. Actually, I really like the fact that we are taking things rather slowly. It builds that anticipation up for the next time we see each other. But thats it. We are going out again tonight for date number 3, which Im sure will be just as good as the last 2.

04-08-2006, 04:19 PM	#23 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	good luck. use protection. sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

04-15-2006, 10:52 AM	#25 (permalink)
thelifeandtimes Upright	A final update for everyone Yesterday, the new girl and I spent a majority of the day together and it was awesome to say the least. We basically just hung out at a coffee place with some of her friends, and at my house and her house. It was honestly one of the best days I've had in a long time. Some time during us hanging out, we decided to move our dating into an actual relationship. Then as I was leaving her house later that night, we had our first kiss. I've never actually experienced a kiss such as the one we had. I felt it throughout my whole body if that makes sense. It was amazing. I am excited to see what is in store for her and I, for I feel it is something great. Thank you to everyone that has put in their 2 cents. It helped a lot,and it is much appreciated.