oshin

my gf and i dated for 4 years , that was untill almost 4 months ago when she ended it, we had alot of fights which i guess led to this break up.
Although i take alot of the blame for the break up , she had her share of faults too. She told me she doesnt want to do anything wiht me anymore . But , about 2 weeks ago she calls me with a blocked id. So i pick up and its her , so we talk for about two hours just about life n stuff.
After the phone call i got really confused , i didnt know what to do. i found out that before she called me she had spoken to my sister and she was crying and everything on how she just needed time and now she misses me alot. And she doesnt think i can change if we get back together. So i decided to call her and hear from her what was going on.

I ended up going over to her house. She was all nice hugging me and kissing me on my cheeks and being all cute and shit. I didnt know what to take from the situation , so i asked her what shes trying to do and if were getting back together and stuff , as usual i got the " when i think about it its not a good idea ". she is scared that if we get back together it'll be the same thing again and she doesnt want to break up again. and she says to me "im not syaing never ". And, when i confronted her about the phone call to my sister , she said that she said those things but she didnt know why she felt that way!!!!
So i dont know what the hell is going on. I dont know what i have to do or what she wants me to do . I still love her and i know she does too . Ive never been in this situation before . I mean ive broken up with gfs before but none of them i had dated for this long . Has anyone been in a situation like this who can maybe give me some advice ?? i am just so confused and stressed out !!!

maleficent

There's an old expression that's appropriate:

Fish or cut bait... She's got to decide -- as do you... what you want...

Sounds like she's keeping you as the "just in case" guy... Just in case that being out on her own doesn't work out so well - she's got you on a line and can reel you back in at her convenience.... and you are letting her...

You broke up... Move on with your life and on to other girls... Have some fun... you don't need to be in the situation of her playing games with you.

4 years is a long time, but the rest of your life is a lot longer..

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feelgood

It's a stage in a "breakup" portion of a relationship where women doubts the decision that they've made when it comes to breaking you up.

Yeah she misses you and all that shit but the question you should be asking yourself right now "Do I wanna go through this shit again?" Because from your previous post, you're not even sure if you want to be back with her and IMO, you shouldn't. The pain sucks, but ya gotta get over it

There's other fish in the sea

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Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

oshin

I know what i need to do , even if she wanted to get back with me , it won't be her decision . But everyday, her and our pet(which she gets to keep) come to my mind, and its not by choice. Its like they are glued to my head , i cant get away from them.

Justsomeguy

You're her dick in a glass jar. Break in case of emergency

meembo

Clean breaks are the best. Hard to achieve, but definitely the shortest path of hurt and confusion.

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less I say, smarter I am

yosho

go get laid

with another girl

it'll help with the confusion

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mm...sex is fun

Daniel_

It's harsh, but I couldn't agree more.

I had an ex once that was like this (she ended it), and she stopped her stupid behaviour only when she found out I'd got laid elsewhere.

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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doncalypso

Oshin, it sounds to me like your ex is trying to play with your mind and keep you around as a back-up (as Justsomeguy put it) while she's seeking for a new turkey to be her stooge.

No offense intended, my friend, but once a relationship is over it's over---especially given the fact that she is the one who broke up with you in the first place. My best guess is that she's not really interested in you but feels a need to mess with your mind and know that you still have feelings for her. She probably needs to know that you still want her so she's reassured she's still desirable while she's still single. You can bet that once she finds herself a man with whom she has a steady relationship she'll stop calling you.

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Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

Rodney

I won't be as harsh as the others, but I'll agree. She broke up with you (maybe for good reasons), she maybe still has some feelings, and she's totally lost at what she's going to do next. She's not dealing well with not having a boyfriend and being on her own. She doesn't know what to do. She's flailing around emotionally. And part of that flailing involves thinking "Maybe if I went back to the way things were, all this uncertainty would go away and it'd be better than it was last time."

Basically, she needs to grow up and get over this and let go. Imagine if the sexes were reversed and your were the woman and she was the guy. Imagine a guy making long, self-serving calls to the woman's brother. Imagine he tells the woman he still loves her but can't committ, but still wants to come around and cuddle up. Just about every woman (and most men) would say, "Wotta loser! He won't commit but he still wants to hang around!"

Okay, I am being harsh. She is acting like a loser, and she needs to grow up. Break it off; don't enable her. As the others say, if somebody else good comes along, she'll probably back off and leave you even _more_ confused. Because what it comes down to is, she just doesn't know how to be alone right now. She's got to learn that.