My ex called - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

xim · 03-19-2006, 09:29 PM

It's sunday, my 21st is tuesday, so my parents came to town to take me out to eat. My ex called me right as we were walking in and I didn't answer it. I have so many mixed feelings, or Im confused or something...

Background info:
I *was* of those loser guys who always falls in love and gets emotionally destroyed.
We dated for off and on for about a year. Then she basicly ended it and I hung around as her wussy friend for a year or so. We stop talking for a while, then start talking again. Shes all flirty and touching me. Then invites me to hang out with her and her new date. I call her and let her know that I don't want to have anything to do with her ever again. (actually I said everything short of "I hope your skin burns and your soul boils in the blackest dispairity of hell" and didn't let her get a word in edgewise) So we havent talked for about a month and a half.

I dont want to talk to her. I grit my teeth thinking about her. I was really mean to her on the phone last time we talked because I worked up enough hate to get her out of my life. I was worried for a few days afterwards that I would regret it. But I didn't and I still don't. I'm on the verge of a relationship breakthrough. I'm about to be 21. Going out to bars and hooking up will be my new hobby. I am planning out next week and starting my first post casey relationship. And she calls me now... ...it is my birthday. I cant decide if I should call her back.

If I did talk to her I would want to tell her
"You don't know me anymore. The person you knew no longer walks on this planet. The little wussy bitch you 0wned is dead now. I learned some lessons from dating you. I should have learned it with jennifer but I didn't. I learned that for a girl, getting you to fall in love with her is her game. Once a man falls in love the game is over and her interest goes right down the drain. Thats why the game was over with me and lisa before it even started. I will never make that mistake and fall in love with someone again. I was so naive at the beginning of our relationship. All I cared about was making you happy. I thought, if I can make a girl happy by putting her needs before my own, she will be happy with me. You being happy was more important to me than protecting my own status and ego or even be being happy myself. So again and again I would let myself be this little bitch submitting to you in everyway thinking its what you wanted. Now I know that women are like children, they push and push and test to find their boundries and if you never put them in their place to show them boundaries they will walk all over you like a doormat and then dump you for being a pussy. Then they flex their post-game muscles by trying to keep you around as a 'friend' and put your nuts in a jar by their feet for as long as possible. I don't hate women for being this way, i'm accepting that thats how they are. It was my own niave optimism and idealism that caused my pain, not some bitchy choice you made. I can't change the nature of women, all I can do now is adapt to protect myself from it. I'm done with monogomy and I will never fall in love again. NEVER NEVER EVER EVER FUCKING EVER WILL I EVER FUCKING FALL IN LOVE EVER AGAIN. And If I ever do catch myself in love again, thats the signal that it's time to break up and move on. When I said I didn't want to be friends I was serious. You probly thought you should call me and say happy birthday. You probably forgot that I dont want to be your friend, and that wishing someone a happy birthday is a thing friends do. People who aren't friends dont wish each other happy birthday, they dont speak to each other. Does that guy john that beat you up in highschool call you and wish you a happy birthday? No. And would you be happy to hear from him if he did?

I wish we could be friends. But when I think of you and your feminist manhating all I can do is grind my teeth"

So yeah thats what I want to say If I talk to her on the phone. I'm pretty resentful obviously. Not very productive. I really don't want to hurt her and I have nothing nice to say. I guess I'll just sleep on it

politicophile · 03-19-2006, 09:38 PM

I'm sorry that you had this experience, although a lot of men do. Not all girls are like that, I promise you. My advice to you is... to forget about it. There doesn't seem to be any constructive reason to call her if all you want to do is announce it's over. Until you feel ready to have a more productive conversation, you should just avoid all contact with her. If that means you never call her again, so be it.

spindles · 03-19-2006, 09:43 PM

I think if your choice is to 'never love again', then you are going to have a rather lonely future. Perhaps you just need to find the right girl.

Re the Ex - if you don't want to talk to her then don't - I think it is rather pointless calling her back so you can rant at her.

Misz · 03-19-2006, 10:24 PM

Sucks to be you atm dude, one of my mates just recently went through this hole situation and now hes a stronger man, but he did bite back at all the little things she did and it just got him fucked up and deeper in the hole, my advice ( continue reading at your own will ) dont ring her back, well atleast not to get angry at her and start shit again, just call her back and tell her you dont want anything to do with her, keep it short and to the point. Maybe even a less intimate way of communication? send her an email or something.

Poppinjay · 03-20-2006, 06:04 AM

If you were to say all those things to her, she would know one thing, she totally owned you from start to end. Basically, you’ve given her the power to decide that you will never fall in love again, and you think you’re no longer a wuss?

Don't call her.

The_Jazz · 03-20-2006, 06:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poppinjay

Don't call her.

Wise advice. There's nothing to gain.

Bill O'Rights · 03-20-2006, 06:38 AM

Ok...a few things;

A.) You've made a nice little blanket, for yourself, out of your pain, your hatred, and your fear. As long as you're embracing, and wraping yourself up in, all of that negativity...she does still own you. And always will. Think about it.

B.) You had, what I would presume to be, a very bad relationship experience. Although you should learn from it, I think that you walked away with the wrong lessons. Reevaluate what Casey really taught you.

C.) Ok...you had your heart ripped out of your chest and handed back to you, after she took a bite out of it, and crushed it under her boot heel. Sound about right? Been there, my friend. Been there, and back again. Thing is, not all women are like that. And by turning your back to your emotions, and denying yourself the ability to ever fall in love again, your going to miss out on something wonderful. Time. Time is key. It will get better. But, not tomorrow.

D.) Don't call. Nothing good is going to come of it. Even if you vent, as you have to us, while it may feel good...it'll be hollow. Let it go.

JustJess · 03-20-2006, 06:46 AM

Listen to BOR.
We're not all like this. I promise. There are plenty who give women a bad name, just like there are plenty of asshole men to live up to their negative stereotypes. If you start to live this way, you will be come the stereotypical jerk guy that everyone's mom warned them about - and that's no good either.

Trust me, my husband is a really nice guy and always has been. Sometimes it helped and sometimes it hurt, but he ended up with someone who loves him just as he is.

You will too. Just not today, and definitely while you're this hurt and angry. Give it time. Be patient with yourself.
And remember we're not all like your exes. I promise.

xim · 03-20-2006, 07:34 AM

Ya dont worry guys, I was already abusive, I'm not going to say these things to her. Thats why I made this post, to step back and think what unproductive things I would have said had I actually called her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

Ok...a few things;

A.) You've made a nice little blanket, for yourself, out of your pain, your hatred, and your fear. As long as you're embracing, and wraping yourself up in, all of that negativity...she does still own you. And always will. Think about it.

I'm not emotionally torn up most of the time. In fact I got over it pretty easily. It was just retriggered severly when I heard from her again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJess

just like there are plenty of asshole men to live up to their negative stereotypes. If you start to live this way, you will be come the stereotypical jerk guy that everyone's mom warned them about

now we know where they all came from...

I've decided not to call her, at least until I'm dating someone else.

xim · 03-20-2006, 07:41 AM

Thanks for your replies, and for tolerating my angry venting...

Crack · 03-20-2006, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xim

I *was* of those loserguys who always falls in love and gets emotionally destroyed.

How is this being a loser?
There is nothing wrong with falling in love. That is a trap a lot of people fall into, they think that love is a bad thing, and can never be good, because it's somethng that you can't control. It's not something you can turn on and off like some of the lesser emotions. The real kind of love, anyways. Love will cause hurt, that is just what will happen. But how will you know what the good times feel like if you don't go through the bad?
I think a real 'loser' would never let themselves fall in love. I don't think I could ever live that way.

Sultana · 03-21-2006, 02:33 PM

Don't call. That's really the most effective way to cut her out of your life, and out of your heart/head. No contact. It gives *you* the power.

Good Luck.

Martian · 03-22-2006, 02:08 PM

If you want to rant, rant. Go for it. Pretend she's in the room. Dig out a photograph if you have to. Hell, draw a picture and just rant and rave and swear and yell and cuss and get it out of your system.

Why does she have to hear it?

You said you don't want to hurt her, so don't. There's no gain to it and it'll be a hollow victory if you do.

As to the rest, I agree fully with BoR. But you're gonna do what you're gonna do.

Justsomeguy · 03-23-2006, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crackprogram

How is this being a loser?
There is nothing wrong with falling in love [... ] I think a real 'loser' would never let themselves fall in love. I don't think I could ever live that way.

I don't really think that is what he was referring to. Alot of guys become obsessive. Many of these guys develop a Romeo complex. Fpr example, many guys that I've known or counseled (to a minor degree) develop an obsession of an idea rather than the actual individual. And it is very hard to get over this fantasy idea. I think it's really this idea that he was referring to.

If this is the case, I would cut off the relationship the best I could and seek some form of therapy. Honestly, if you try to handle it on your own you will more than likely develop other problems. So, my personal reccommendation would be to seek legitimate medical assistance (i.e. a psychiatrist before you get someone to just talk to).

I've had a close friend and family member in the same situation. Calling her will not make it better. However, do realize this may not even be your choice. I've seen people call ex girlfriends or boyfriends because they physically and mentally were not capable of following through with the rational decision. But, like I said, GET HELP. Otherwise, you could be 30 still obsessing over the same bitch with other severe problems to accompany it. If the correct decisions are made, you will get over this issue and have a shot at a nice career and a shot at eventually finding someone decent to share you life with.

doncalypso · 03-25-2006, 08:40 AM

In the name of everything that's holy and good, Xim, do not call your ex back---ever!!!

She's just out to play games with your heart and screw with your head, my friend. My best guess is that she knew full well that her calling you on your birthday would have that effect on you, and she's probably doing this to boost her ego with the knowledge that you're not over her and that she still owns your heart. In all seriousness, don't even recite her that little speech you prepared because it'll only make you look weak and confirm the fact in her mind that you're not over her.

For the sake of your sanity and your heart, block her number, erase her info from your address book, and cut her off completely from your life. She is the one who dumped you and broke your heart, so obviously she doesn't care about you.

Look at it this way, my friend. Be glad you found out her true colors now and are going through this heartbreak at age 21 instead of paying tens of thousands of dollars in divorce fees and paying her a substantial portion of your paycheck in child support while another man gets to raise your kids.

Sharon · 03-26-2006, 06:10 AM

I agree with everyone else, don't call her. If somehow she manages to contact you (blocking her caller ID or something), you want to tell her as calmly as possible not to call you again and hang up. You win.

03-19-2006, 09:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
xim Insane Location: One with the Universe	My ex called It's sunday, my 21st is tuesday, so my parents came to town to take me out to eat. My ex called me right as we were walking in and I didn't answer it. I have so many mixed feelings, or Im confused or something... Background info: I was of those loser guys who always falls in love and gets emotionally destroyed. We dated for off and on for about a year. Then she basicly ended it and I hung around as her wussy friend for a year or so. We stop talking for a while, then start talking again. Shes all flirty and touching me. Then invites me to hang out with her and her new date. I call her and let her know that I don't want to have anything to do with her ever again. (actually I said everything short of "I hope your skin burns and your soul boils in the blackest dispairity of hell" and didn't let her get a word in edgewise) So we havent talked for about a month and a half. I dont want to talk to her. I grit my teeth thinking about her. I was really mean to her on the phone last time we talked because I worked up enough hate to get her out of my life. I was worried for a few days afterwards that I would regret it. But I didn't and I still don't. I'm on the verge of a relationship breakthrough. I'm about to be 21. Going out to bars and hooking up will be my new hobby. I am planning out next week and starting my first post casey relationship. And she calls me now... ...it is my birthday. I cant decide if I should call her back. If I did talk to her I would want to tell her "You don't know me anymore. The person you knew no longer walks on this planet. The little wussy bitch you 0wned is dead now. I learned some lessons from dating you. I should have learned it with jennifer but I didn't. I learned that for a girl, getting you to fall in love with her is her game. Once a man falls in love the game is over and her interest goes right down the drain. Thats why the game was over with me and lisa before it even started. I will never make that mistake and fall in love with someone again. I was so naive at the beginning of our relationship. All I cared about was making you happy. I thought, if I can make a girl happy by putting her needs before my own, she will be happy with me. You being happy was more important to me than protecting my own status and ego or even be being happy myself. So again and again I would let myself be this little bitch submitting to you in everyway thinking its what you wanted. Now I know that women are like children, they push and push and test to find their boundries and if you never put them in their place to show them boundaries they will walk all over you like a doormat and then dump you for being a pussy. Then they flex their post-game muscles by trying to keep you around as a 'friend' and put your nuts in a jar by their feet for as long as possible. I don't hate women for being this way, i'm accepting that thats how they are. It was my own niave optimism and idealism that caused my pain, not some bitchy choice you made. I can't change the nature of women, all I can do now is adapt to protect myself from it. I'm done with monogomy and I will never fall in love again. NEVER NEVER EVER EVER FUCKING EVER WILL I EVER FUCKING FALL IN LOVE EVER AGAIN. And If I ever do catch myself in love again, thats the signal that it's time to break up and move on. When I said I didn't want to be friends I was serious. You probly thought you should call me and say happy birthday. You probably forgot that I dont want to be your friend, and that wishing someone a happy birthday is a thing friends do. People who aren't friends dont wish each other happy birthday, they dont speak to each other. Does that guy john that beat you up in highschool call you and wish you a happy birthday? No. And would you be happy to hear from him if he did? I wish we could be friends. But when I think of you and your feminist manhating all I can do is grind my teeth" So yeah thats what I want to say If I talk to her on the phone. I'm pretty resentful obviously. Not very productive. I really don't want to hurt her and I have nothing nice to say. I guess I'll just sleep on it __________________ If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com Last edited by xim; 03-19-2006 at 09:55 PM..

03-19-2006, 09:38 PM	#2 (permalink)
politicophile Addict	I'm sorry that you had this experience, although a lot of men do. Not all girls are like that, I promise you. My advice to you is... to forget about it. There doesn't seem to be any constructive reason to call her if all you want to do is announce it's over. Until you feel ready to have a more productive conversation, you should just avoid all contact with her. If that means you never call her again, so be it. __________________ The peculiar evil of silencing the expression of an opinion is, that it is robbing the human race; posterity as well as the existing generation; those who dissent from the opinion, still more than those who hold it. If the opinion is right, they are deprived of the opportunity of exchanging error for truth: if wrong, they lose, what is almost as great a benefit, the clearer perception and livelier impression of truth, produced by its collision with error. ~John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

03-19-2006, 09:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
spindles Mine is an evil laugh Location: Sydney, Australia	I think if your choice is to 'never love again', then you are going to have a rather lonely future. Perhaps you just need to find the right girl. Re the Ex - if you don't want to talk to her then don't - I think it is rather pointless calling her back so you can rant at her. __________________ who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?

03-20-2006, 06:04 AM	#5 (permalink)
Poppinjay You had me at hello Location: DC/Coastal VA	If you were to say all those things to her, she would know one thing, she totally owned you from start to end. Basically, you’ve given her the power to decide that you will never fall in love again, and you think you’re no longer a wuss? Don't call her. __________________ I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

03-20-2006, 06:38 AM	#7 (permalink)
Bill O'Rights will always be an Alyson Hanniganite Location: In the dust of the archives	Ok...a few things; A.) You've made a nice little blanket, for yourself, out of your pain, your hatred, and your fear. As long as you're embracing, and wraping yourself up in, all of that negativity...she does still own you. And always will. Think about it. B.) You had, what I would presume to be, a very bad relationship experience. Although you should learn from it, I think that you walked away with the wrong lessons. Reevaluate what Casey really taught you. C.) Ok...you had your heart ripped out of your chest and handed back to you, after she took a bite out of it, and crushed it under her boot heel. Sound about right? Been there, my friend. Been there, and back again. Thing is, not all women are like that. And by turning your back to your emotions, and denying yourself the ability to ever fall in love again, your going to miss out on something wonderful. Time. Time is key. It will get better. But, not tomorrow. D.) Don't call. Nothing good is going to come of it. Even if you vent, as you have to us, while it may feel good...it'll be hollow. Let it go. __________________ "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt. Last edited by Bill O'Rights; 03-20-2006 at 06:42 AM..

03-19-2006, 10:24 PM	#4 (permalink)
Misz Tilted	Sucks to be you atm dude, one of my mates just recently went through this hole situation and now hes a stronger man, but he did bite back at all the little things she did and it just got him fucked up and deeper in the hole, my advice ( continue reading at your own will ) dont ring her back, well atleast not to get angry at her and start shit again, just call her back and tell her you dont want anything to do with her, keep it short and to the point. Maybe even a less intimate way of communication? send her an email or something.

03-20-2006, 06:46 AM	#8 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	Listen to BOR. We're not all like this. I promise. There are plenty who give women a bad name, just like there are plenty of asshole men to live up to their negative stereotypes. If you start to live this way, you will be come the stereotypical jerk guy that everyone's mom warned them about - and that's no good either. Trust me, my husband is a really nice guy and always has been. Sometimes it helped and sometimes it hurt, but he ended up with someone who loves him just as he is. You will too. Just not today, and definitely while you're this hurt and angry. Give it time. Be patient with yourself. And remember we're not all like your exes. I promise. __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

03-20-2006, 07:41 AM	#10 (permalink)
xim Insane Location: One with the Universe	Thanks for your replies, and for tolerating my angry venting... __________________ If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com Last edited by xim; 03-20-2006 at 07:44 AM..

03-21-2006, 02:33 PM	#12 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	Don't call. That's really the most effective way to cut her out of your life, and out of your heart/head. No contact. It gives you the power. Good Luck. __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

03-22-2006, 02:08 PM	#13 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	If you want to rant, rant. Go for it. Pretend she's in the room. Dig out a photograph if you have to. Hell, draw a picture and just rant and rave and swear and yell and cuss and get it out of your system. Why does she have to hear it? You said you don't want to hurt her, so don't. There's no gain to it and it'll be a hollow victory if you do. As to the rest, I agree fully with BoR. But you're gonna do what you're gonna do. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

03-25-2006, 08:40 AM	#15 (permalink)
doncalypso TFP Mad Scientist Location: Philadelphia, PA	In the name of everything that's holy and good, Xim, do not call your ex back---ever!!! She's just out to play games with your heart and screw with your head, my friend. My best guess is that she knew full well that her calling you on your birthday would have that effect on you, and she's probably doing this to boost her ego with the knowledge that you're not over her and that she still owns your heart. In all seriousness, don't even recite her that little speech you prepared because it'll only make you look weak and confirm the fact in her mind that you're not over her. For the sake of your sanity and your heart, block her number, erase her info from your address book, and cut her off completely from your life. She is the one who dumped you and broke your heart, so obviously she doesn't care about you. Look at it this way, my friend. Be glad you found out her true colors now and are going through this heartbreak at age 21 instead of paying tens of thousands of dollars in divorce fees and paying her a substantial portion of your paycheck in child support while another man gets to raise your kids. __________________ Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

03-26-2006, 06:10 AM	#16 (permalink)
Sharon Coy, sultry and... naughty! Location: Across the way	I agree with everyone else, don't call her. If somehow she manages to contact you (blocking her caller ID or something), you want to tell her as calmly as possible not to call you again and hang up. You win.