Deathly Afraid of Anal Sex!!! Any Advice?
 

My bf wants to have anal sex, so do I...but I'm so f-ing scared to do it! To me its wrong, but on the other hand would feel so incredible...errr at least I think????? I don't really know. Help Please! Or any tips of making the 'deed' easier? :hmm:

1st: You should feel comfortable with the situation. The way you feel going into the situation will determine the experience you have.

2nd: If you decide to go for it, here are the four most important letters ever: L-U-B-E. The wetter, the better.

3rd: Relaxation is also key. The more tense and clenched you are, the more it will hurt. If he is a big boy, it may hurt anyway, but it will help you if you are relaxed.

The act is alot different from vaginal sex, and hopefully, your partner understands that. It isn't the same kind of fast thrusting that vaginal sex can be. He has to be very observant for your sake. He should start out very slow and cautious. The first sessions are going to have to be a test for your comfort level. If things go too fast, you can get hurt which will turn you off to the idea altogether.

Go very slow, use the lube, relax.

If it feels wrong, don't do it. Don't think that just because some people on the forum rave about it that it will be great for you. Hubby and I have tried it and frankly, I don't care for it at all.

If you are curious about how it will feel, try a small dildo first. If you like that, explore further, but using a sex toy may help give you a sense of whether or not you enjoy the sensation.

I'm pretty afraid of it, too. I thought I would never ever want to have it (and I still haven't), but I have recently grown more and more curious and there were times when I had a regular partner that it didn't seem like it would be such a terrible idea. I just sort of plan on waiting until I both have the urge to try it again and have a willing & sensitive partner to try it with.

IMHO, you should have a talk with him and make sure you're doing it because you want to and that it's on your terms. I imagine you are also asking for some kind of technical advice here, but I can't really help you with that. Good luck!

The biggest thing that helps is lube and taking things as slow as you need. You really can't use too much lube in this case. Start inserting things that are small, like your partners finger, and move up from there. As soon as anything hurts don't be afraid to stop for a minute, it takes getting used too! If you work up to it properly then yes, it can be great.

Having said that, you also need to be ready for it mentally before you start anything. You said to you it's "wrong." I would suggest really making peace with this issue before going ahead with anything, otherwise you may just regret it in the end. Also, if you're tense, you're not gonna get very far, it's all about letting go and being relaxed. Tension in this case will likely equal pain. Don't do it until you're sure about it.

HoneyPot,

I almost replied to this earlier, but didn't quite make it to posting. First, I think the most important thing is what onodrim just said. It's what I almost posted earlier. Before you start trying anal, I'd suggest resolve your feelings about it as well. It will still have that naughty edge to it if you decide to go for it.

After that, you can find a ton of tips on anal with a forum search. I think there's a few tips here : http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...light=anal+sex for example

Best of luck and take it slowly. No pun intended. Well, maybe a little....

The "Woo, Anal Baby!" thread has all of my tips on having anal sex for the first time--abaya also had some great tips in that thread.

Go take a look.

Really, it's worth a try.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

If you don't feel Totally comfortable with it... it's going to be a bad experience, being Tense and Anal sex Do NOT mix.

Give yourself a little time to think it over and as Ono suggested, try some anal play with either your partners' finger or perhaps a small sex toy.

Don't rush just because it's something your partner wants to do.
Let it happen, when Your ready.

sweetpea

Some people love anal some dont. Ive had the honor of experiencing good anal and TERRIBLE anal. I think for me be sure the girl.. (in your case, YOU) are fresh and clean inside. Im sure if you look at the other threads it will elaborate on cleaning yourself. After you are freshened up then be sure to do like everyone else said. LOTS OF LUBE and VERY SLOW.

I realized that if its your first time doing it, expect to bleed quite a bit. At least thats the experience I had with my girlfriend(s) And well... You will never know what its like unless you try it right??? Then go for it!!!

... and come back on here and tell us how it went :thumbsup:

You might want to just take the time and explore your own regions before you let him in. If you atleast feel comfortable with yourself, that would be a good start. The last thing you want to be is tense in the Anal situation.

It took me a couple years to convince my SO to let me throw my John Hancock in there. And I was fine with it. I spent time talking with her about it, researching about it, bought some KY, and spent time gently poking a finger (make sure the nails are trimmed) and then another. Did that for the longest time until she was comfortable and then we tried. She was nervous the first time and I barely got the head in but that was fine. She was interested and we kept trying. Now, its a once a month thing. It was worth the time and effort...she's worth it.

1) It's not wrong. Unless the guy was aiming for the pussy :lol:
2) Agree with your boyfriend to not have anal sex for a while, so that there's no pressure until you feel ok with it. Then, experiment with tongues, fingers and plugs.. It's fun :thumbsup:
3) Drinking some wine before anal play is good :). Don't get wasted, just relaxed.

And of course:
4) Lube. The Maximus brand is good.

That's was the "key" for me.
Before had anal with a real one
use a lot of lube,
and try your fingers, plugs and dildos.
Progressively.
Anal without pain it's amazing
can't get enought

Yes, as a matter of fact we had fun doing that just last weekend... :icare: :D

May I also add that it's very helpful for the guy to give a "reach around" for the girl? Combined with slight intoxication, a nice warm hand working my clit does wonders for my attitude towards anal... :thumbsup:

Btw, we do NOT recommend the lube called "Probe." It is just too sticky and goopy, even for anal.

Anybody have experience with Anal Ease? We have been using Astroglide but it still hurts her.

I'm tempted to try Anal Ease next because vibes, fingers, and tongues do wonders for her in the pooperhole. But once the jimmy goes in, she is in pain.

Isn't that the numbing stuff? That's not good at all... if she is in pain, then you need to know that and both work on it until she can relax. Hiding the pain with a lube/cream is only going to lead to tears, bleeding, infections, and other VERY nasty stuff. Pain is a good thing to be aware of when objects are going up the asshole! (Have you tried it yourself, Jim, to see how it feels? I find this helped my bf :icare: to be much more gentle with me, once he knew how uncomfortable anal could be at times.)

Astroglide is way too thin for anal, if you ask me. Get something nice and thick, like Maximus. Again, do NOT use numbing cream. If she is in pain, that means you or her or both are doing something wrong, and you both need to work on getting her to relax. Giving her an orgasm and getting her tipsy (preferably both) are great foreplay for anal, if you ask me... really loosens me up.

Honeypot: didja try it yet???

I'm not so sure that alcohol and first-time anal sex are a good combination, for much the same reason numbing agents aren't good for anal: this is a situation where you want a clear head and plenty of focus and patience. While I'm generally all for blurring your perceptions and loosening your inhibitions, that's not such a great idea at a moment like this.

Lube, Lube, and more Lube.....

No I haven't tried it yet because I'm too chicken to do so. I really think you all had very good advice...seriously. Right now I'm concentrating on my feelings and emotions for this guy. I love him so much and yeah.... I'm thinking more about feelings, than sexual pleasure. Thank you all for your time and words!

If your heart isn't into it then don't proceed with anal sex. Anal sex isn't something to be taken lightly, my dear.

You could convince yourself you want to do it, and you could do all the preparations in the world and have the best lube and it would still be an awkward experience if you're having doubts about it.


Try having your man penetrate your ass with his finger as he's licking your clit... that might put you more at ease.