what would you do in my place
 

heres the story... my ex-girlfriend of about a year or so has decided to come and visit me in my place in california (i havent seen her in 4 years almost) and i am wondering, since she is now engaged to be married, what should, or should i not do... i know it sounds stupid.. but she and i still have strong feelings for each other... and at times she has confessed to being confused as to why she is still with her fiancee... i just need some form of perspective... thanks a million to all that reply... i just dont know how to handle it if we do anything that may compromise her current relationship...

There's a reason she's your ex. Think about why that is. Think about how hurt you'd be if your fiance went to visit an ex, and shacked up w/ him. Think about what your personal morals require of you. If, after all that, it still seems like a good idea, then that's your decision, but i'd advise against it. On again off again relationships seem doomed, in my eyes, and if she's got a fiance, then she's made a commitment to someone else, and (in my opinion) you should respect that. But, that's just my 2 cents.

i agree with you in that point... in case you are wondering... she is my ex cause i moved from arizona to california, and we decided to stop the relationship, distance sucks... i just dont know how to interpret the parts where she tells me she is feeling bored, seperated and alone at times... its hard to know what to do in that case...

well, as the thread title asks, I can tell you what I'd do, and why, but as for what yOU'LL do, well, you're gonna have to decide that on your own.

Me, I wouldn't touch something like that with a 10 foot pole. She's made a commitment. whether she likes it or not. if she decides it's not for her, she needs to break up w/ the fiance, free and clear, before she starts something new. I've got some stiff personal morals against cheating, and helping someone else cheat. It's just cruel, and i won't be a part of it. Plus, that keeps me free and clear from some jealous girlfriend who wants revenge for someone stealing her man. ;)

So, I'd have her over, show her cali, and leave it at that. if she needs a shoulder, thats great. if she needs a cock, I think she should find it elsewhere.

I'll put it simple...

Don't do it, dude
You'll regret it.

Mark my words.

thanks for all the help... it all makes sense now... really... i think i will just do what you recomended cheerios.... show her the area and have a good time, outside of the bedroom... thanks again.... you too rogue...

yeah dude, whether or not she's happy in her relationship is nothing you should get into, and stepping between that can just lead to bad times.

I think you should do whatever makes you happy at that time and go with it. I have a similar situation where an ex and I have discussed different things like that. We have both been in relationships (granted not engagements). We had to break up due to distance as well.

I would probably go for it if you still have feelings for you. Better to say something now rather than when she is married and it is too late.

I second that.If she's confused about her feelings,then there is a good chance that anything you do or say to her will be very impressionable since she may be looking for an excuse to get out.

If you and her are meant to be together,let her get her house in order and that means time alone. If you jump into something with her immediately,one day her feelings may change and you'll be the one she is confused about. Her problem is not going to be solved by running to you.

Maybe it's just an inexpensive way for her to visit Ca? Maybe you're reading too much into this? Maybe she's using you for an excuse to break up w/her fiance'? DANGER DANGER. Maybe you could ask her these questions? That might make things clearer for both you and her.

don't let her in your house, and don't talk about romance. Make her be responsible to her current man. Tell her if she has doubts she needs to get it all cleared up before she comes to you. Remember "Ganon's first axiom on The Drama": Don't let it start, and you won't feel the pain"

[QUOTE]Originally posted by ganon
don't let her in your house, and don't talk about romance. Make her be responsible to her current man. Tell her if she has doubts she needs to get it all cleared up before she comes to you. Remember "Ganon's first axiom on The Drama": Don't let it start, and you won't feel the pain" [/QUOTED]

Good advice.

thanks geep!

thats all good advice.. but its not like she is comming out here to see california.. she is comming to see me... and its not like its inexpensive anyway... as far as her motives, we really only joke that she and i are going to do anything remotely related to having "relations" as slick willy would say... i think i have enough data, and points of view to thoroughly smooth things out... thanks alot you guys/girls....

lol

i agree, also u dont even know what she wants to do yet, she might just want to sight see around cali but until u know keep a check on yourself

dont go out drinkin either -- you that'll just end up bad

if i were a year older that might be a probem... but then again... i dont plan on drinking... they "let" us drink in my Wine Appreciation class.... let me tell you , out of all of the wines... not one made me feel compelled to drink (tho i got an interesting, "well you just need to start drinking" excuse from a woman in the class, it was lame...) but yeah... it all sounds good... things will work out... wether or not anything "happens" thanks again all.

Hmmmm, I think I am on the otherside for a change. If she is coming to see you and is unsure abt her current relationship, even if it is an engagment, do what feels right. If the spark is still there go for it. You don't owe her fiance anything and are probably doing him a favor. Just don't give your heart away.

Don't do the bedroom tango, in any case! She seems to be dropping hints. I bet she will start saying something less vague when she's at your place. Think about your feelings now that she's not yet around. You will get even more confused when she gets there when your feelings and speculations make you unable to decide anything rationally. So, talk. Don't have sex, don't cuddle. If she tells you she wants back together with you, be prepared to say what you think.