FallenAvatar

I read these forums regularly and I don't always have the answers but I try to help as much as I can. I'm looking now to you all for a little advice; I may or may not get anything that can help me here but I'd like to try.

I recently started a relationship with someone I just met. We hit it off as friends from the very beginning. We had decided that we were ready to date and then changed our minds and wanted to. We get along very well yet we seem to have trouble reading signals from each other. We have a strong relationship mentally in terms that we can talk about almost anything, and do so on a regular basis but physically sometimes we just can't keep it going and sometimes can't get close at all. This part is hurting us because we aren't coming together like we should be. I really can't explain it, it's just odd honestly. I thought at first that it was my problem or maybe hers but we've talked about it and we just can't figure it out... the desire and attraction is there we just both seem to be scared to open the door. Anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

The_Jazz

I'm not sure I understand what the problem is after reading this 3 time. Are you saying that you want to hook up but can't? You have hooked up but something goes wrong midstream? You can have my $0.02, but I have no idea what you're even trying to ask.

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BigBen

BEN BEING FUNNY:
Booze. Lots and lots of liquor. Tequila, followed by some beer bongs should do the trick.

BEN BEING SERIOUS:
Slow down. Both of you are pushing it because "It makes sense", and love (physical and emotional) is not like that. It has its own rules, and does not follow logic. Keep talking, keep hanging out, having fun, and keep talking. Don't force things.

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Sage

What Ben said. He hath the goode advice, sayeth the Sage.

Just because you and someone else are poppin chemistry sparks all over the room doesn't mean everything will proceed in an A before B before C way. Take a deep breath, step back and enjoy this person you've found. Things will fall into place a lot faster than you think they will, and it will all be natural and easy and *right*. Don't push it- go with the flow!

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FallenAvatar

I figured that this would be the answer I received and was pretty sure that it was the best way to approach this. I'm trying not to rush things. We both come from different relationship backgrounds and I guess neither of us are used to how this one is going. Guess I really do just have to breathe some more..

And Ben, the liquor idea is funny.. but I'll choose your other option.

I thank those who gave their advice and I'd love to see more, I think I may have found a door to make things go smoothly lastnight but I still wanted to see if anyone had any ideas.

Rodney

Part of it is the "baggage" issue. Everybody has baggage -- self-fulfilling expectations -- about how relationships should go, based on all their _past_ relationships. But everybody's baggage is different. You think relationships are A, but in her experience they're B. And the emotional expectations -- including things to beware of -- are different for you than for her.

So I agree with everybody else. Start slow and start fresh. You should both forget everything you "know" about relationships and build something new that works for both of you.

FallenAvatar

Yea I hear the baggage thing, it's true people bring all sorts of things into a relationship. We've gotten over a lot of baggage; it still isn't helping that we aren't reading signals well.. but I think things will do well over time, atleast I hope so.

visotech

Let it go on too long and its BFF...make a move, what do you have to loose if its really what you both want?

healer

This is the part that I don't get. Probably because I don't get most things and that I suck at catching hints. Maybe you're like me.

The best way to get over misreading/missing signals IMO is to talk. If you're unsure of what she wants or expects of you, ask her. More often than not, she'll be grateful that you cared enough to make the effort to find out what she's thinking or how she feels.

Hope all goes well.

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Sage

^^^

Communication is the rock all good relationships are built upon. Even with Martel, whom I adore like a God and with whom I have the greatest marriage ever.... if we go two hours without total, open, honest communication... well, things get not so great. Keep the conversations going, always be open and honest, always respect each other- your relationship will be AMAZING.

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