sadistikdreams

Okay, so I've been seeing this girl for about 2 months, & we're really serious. (i.e. shes the love of my life, I'm going to propose to her this summer)

We had sex for the first time on like, the weekend of the 17th.

There were times while we were going at it, the condom kind of slid off, so just the head was covered. I'm uncut, and she's small, so those might have something to do with it.

And for the past couple days, off and on, she's been puking in the morning. And having weird cravings. And she's skipped her period.

Now, here's the twist, and why she might not be pregnant:

She's Anorexic/Bulimic and in turn Malnourished.
She's told me that the malnutrition could cause the absence of menstration, since it's done that before.
And the bulimia might be why she's puking in the morning.

One more thing: I didnt finish. The only fluids that could've done anything were the pre-orgasm fluids. But, as I've heard, those are enough, right?

So I need your opinion. I've looked at all these factors, and I still think it could go either way. I need some convincing that it's most definately one way or another.

Thanks for your feedback.

Tamerlain

You're right, it could go one way or the other. She's either pregnant or she's not. Nothing anyone says here will change that.

Your best bet is to get a home pregnancy test.

-Tamerlain

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la petite moi

Home pregnancy test.

If she's bulimic/anorexic, the throwing up and cravings may be because of that, as you said. Very probable that the lack of menstruation occurs due to her eating disorders too. I had those problems, as well, and after three years of "healing" I still have sporadic periods. Also, (and I know this has nothing to do with the thread), if you're truly serious, PLEASE get her to a therapist.

Sage

I second everything that LPM said. First and foremost, her mental well being is important to your relationship- have that issue addressed. If you love her, care for her, make sure she is getting the care she needs for her condition.

And the only way you will know if she is pregnant is a pregnancy test. We here at TFP are a lot of things, but psychic is not one of them!

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astrahl

I would add to the above comments by saying that you should be responsible enough to, in the future, purchase condoms that fit you properly. A condom should not just come off during intercourse.

Best of luck to you both.

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Borla

I agree..........buy two of the box tests at a local pharmacy and see what they say.

Also, I'd slow down if you are sure you are going to propose after two months. JMHO.

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ratbastid

If she's got an active eating disorder, she needs to get that sorted out before she talks about permanently adding new people to her life. Get her to a counsellor before you propose. Give her a chance to get herself squared away before you go adding a huge new committment to her life.

Oh yeah, and... preganancy test.

sadistikdreams

Okay, maybe I should given you some more backround.

She is in treatment for the eating disorders, and I'm very supportive of it all.

This problem is kind of tearing us apart, which is why I don't really want to ask her to take a pregnancy test. We're basically trying to just wait it out, and see if she does go back on her period.

What I guess I should've asked, was which side do I have more evidence for? From the evidence, is there more of a chance that she is pregnant? Or is there more evidence to think that she isnt?

And to what Borla said: We were going to get married on the day we met, a la Dharma & Greg, but we're somewhat rational people, we wanted to see how compatable we really are. And we really are. We're just.... there, you know?

ratbastid

I can't quite picture that, but... lurkette and I sat down and discussed our relationship and rationally concluded that getting engaged was the appropriate thing at that point in our lives. It was real romantic.

Good for you, standing beside her as she deals with her issues. Takes a big person to do that.

I vote you take pregnancy worries off her plate by taking a test and having done with it. You know she's worried about it too, right? Probably even more than you are. That can't be helping with her therapy.

ngdawg

The 17th was 17 days ago. I don't think anyone gets morning sickness in just 2.5 weeks.
There are other signs, if you don't want to push the pregnancy test. Nipples will be darker and continuously darken over the next few weeks. Breasts might poof a bit, specially if she's small to start with, you'll notice a change in size and/or shape. Labia might get darker and thicker over time. Walk will change, even this early as ligaments loosen. Emotions may be like a roller coaster gone mad. Crying over commercials, that sort of thing. Exhaustion is common very early-she'll nap every chance she gets. These are the earliest non-test signs of pregnancy but they can be signs of anything(except the nipple color-that's a dead giveaway)

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astrahl

Don't wait on the pregnancy test...it won't hurt anyone to just take one and find out if it is positive or not. Why wait? If she has an eating disorder...the sooner you know, the better off you will be in making the decision to go ahead with the pregnancy or not. A pregnancy for somebody with an eating disorder is not only dangerous for her, but for the potential child, as well.

Do the responsible thing and get that pregnancy test over and done with.

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Maybe it was over when she chucked me out the Rover at full speed.
Maybe Maybe...
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maleficent

Busybody answer here:

If she is indeed pregnant, waiting will eventually limit your choices.

If she is indeed pregnant, with her health history, she should start pre-natal care sooner rather than later, which means eating correctly, and vitamins, etc, if she does indeed want to go forward with the pregnancy.

If not knowing is tearing you guys apart... find out... What's her hesitation in not wanting to take the test -- afraid of what the results will be? Better to find out sooner rather than later... and then she can relax a little.

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absorbentishe

Wait and see. Give it another week or two before taking any tests.


BTW. My wife was/is bulimic/anorexic. This is something she's struggled with for years and years. She's seen all kinds of counselors, etc. It is not something to take lightly, it will be in your relationship for a long time. If you want to talk more, pm me and I'll be glad to speak with you about this.

astrahl

I'm sorry, but I don't agree at all. Waiting those extra weeks can potentially limit the choices that she has or is willing to make. It is just an over the counter pregnancy test. The waiting and the stress of not knowing could also cause her harm. If she is bulemic, she already probably has some esophageal and gastero- damage; stress can add to that damage and turn into a whole new problem.

Don't take chances with her continued health. Just buy an over the counter test. There is no shame, nobody is going to judge. Just make the right decision whether or not you're afraid.

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Maybe it was over when she chucked me out the Rover at full speed.
Maybe Maybe...
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absorbentishe

Sure you say to do it now, but... With the disorders she has, it affects her systems, and maybe the cause. We don't have all the information, so it makes it hard to help make a decision. If we were doctors and were in their shoes, we could make a decision a lot easier. On the surface, you can only tell from the info given. Their maybe other factors to consider. Stress also is another factor why she hasn't started.

The_Jazz

There is circumstantial evidence both ways. I don't think that anyone on this board, even the doctors, can make any sort of judgement. Even a doctor examining her is going to need a test to make a decision. I wish that I could give you a magic answer that would make it all go away, but that's just not possible.

If she's stressed out about this, taking the test is the easiest way to relieve that stress and move on towards making a decision on how to proceed and what's going to be best for her and you. If you're stressed out, shut the fuck up and don't stress her out any more than she already is. In all seriousness, you harping on the issue is probably going to cause more trouble in your relationship, and if it's already driving you apart you should probably bite your tongue as much as possible. Walk on eggshells for the next few days until she gets her feelings sorted out or the situation resolves itself.

Either way it turns out, good luck with it, and I hope that everyone comes through this with their feelings intact.

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highthief

Agreed. I'll be even more blunt - if you can't bring yourself to take a pregnancy test to determine whether the most important thing to ever happen to you is about to happen, son, you're neither ready for marriage nor parenthood, as a couple. I know - you'll not like me for saying it, but us old farts have inalienable rights to speak our minds and piss the younger generation off.




But it is unlikely she is ill due to pregnancy at this early stage.

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Sultana

I cannot understand at all why taking a home pregnancy test could in any way be a bad thing. It's not like waiting will change the results.

If it were me wondering, I'd have taken several by now, LOL.

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kutulu

That's what they say but personally I think that's quite unlikely. It seems like a 'well I bought a ticket so I could win the lottery because I bought a ticket' I have no clinical proof that it's unlikely but it doesn't make sense to me.

My wife and I had unprotected sex for over 5 years just using the pull out method before she got pregnant the first time (atopic sp?) and another 3 years before she got pregnant the second time.

Now, with the atopic, she had a tube removed so her fertilitly rate was basically cut in half. But that only applies to the later years. It's possible I have a pretty low sperm count but I've finished the job twice... Now she charts her period and keeps track of the color and consistancy of secretions (it's more than what the rhythm method is) and we've made it another year with no more babies.

/if you can't ask her to take a home pregnancy test then perhaps you should re-think marriage at this time. Seriously, you've known each other a couple months.

Exorcist

Make sure she is completely through with her therapy for her disorders before you even talk about marriage. It really does change a person...

I'm in a relationship with a recovering anorexic right now, and I love her, but she is different when she eats than when she doesn't eat.

About the pregnancy, just go ahead and make her a light supper, kiss her softly, and ask her to spare you both the anxiety. She will understand that.

xrayvision2

i doubt she's pregnant, i have never heard of anyone getting pregnant from using a condom with spermicidal lubricant and not cumming, so you are safe.

taboo

i say go get a pregnancy test done RIGHT AWAY.
You're right about your assumptions.
It's better to be safe that sorry.

astrahl

That's a very irresponsible thing to say. I'm sure there are lots of things you've never "heard" of that have, indeed, happened.

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Maybe it was over when she chucked me out the Rover at full speed.
Maybe Maybe...
~a-Ha

taboo

exactly
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sadistikdreams

UPDATE:

Okay, so the thing about talking about it, and worrying about it was all we were doing.

Since we started suspecting that she was pregnant, it's really all we could focus on. So the night I made the thread, we decided to wait it out, see if she's get her period within the month.

And, it turns out she did. So there's about 10000000 pounds lifted off my shoulders.

Thanks for all your input, TFP. I especially appreciate ngdawg's advice, I really didn't think women got morning sickness so soon.

Sweetpea

Glad to know all is well again.

sweetpea

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HoneyPot

Hmmm it could be either she is so into her Anorexia that she could skip her period, but if I were her I would totally be getting a pregnancy test. Its been said before...."It wouldn't hurt to get one" or two or three....I know I would!

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SexyCat

FYI my mom and stepdad got married after 16 days and they have been together for over 10 years and are still going strong. If it is meant to be it will happen.

taboo

um, just because she got her period, that doesn;t mean you should be 100% sure that she's not pregnant. Some women still get their period, even if they are pregnant in the beginning. get a pregnancy test done!!!! What are you waiting for???? Ok, it does seem ok given the fact that she got her period, but still--that doesn;t guarantee anything.

analog

[echoing others] Periods don't mean shit. [/echo]

Dude. Seriously. A pregnancy test costs like $5. You can get a twin-pack of them for like $7, maybe $8. Buy the fuckin' thing, have her piss on it, and go from there. I recommend the twin pack to be extra sure.

The longer you wait, the bigger a problem it will be if the results are positive. I know why you're asking us- because you want us to tell you it'll be ok. And we're doing that. Either way, you'll be ok. But I also know you're too smart to think any of us, even if one of us was a professional in the field, could make any kind of real assessment based on text alone. The best we can offer is statistics on your situation.

So for your sake, I implore you to just bite the damn bullet and buy a pregnancy test. I have horrible anxiety attack issues myself- I know what it feels like, and I know the sense of "let it go away rather than try and resolve it". Everyone, at various points in their lives, has to step up and do what they have to do. This is one of those times.

The_Jazz

I'm glad to hear that everything worked out well. Maybe you should invest in a home pregnancy test and just keep it around for the next time (unless there's some sort of unreasonable expiration date on it). You know, just in case.

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Sultana

I second both Analog and taboo.

Dude, if you're in this kind of serious level of relationship, you and she both have GOT to be grown-up enough to be able to pee on a damn $7 stick in the privacy of your own home should a question arise. I'm sorry to be harsh, but them's the facts.

What the heck would you guys do if you thought there was a chance of a disease, or a problem, or something a bit harder to deal with?

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

cellophanedeity

Hell, skip getting the pregnancy test and get a backup supply of planB, just incase.

Really though, use more lube and put the condom on properly and the condom shouldn't slip off until you go flacid. If you need to know how to properly put on a condom, PM me and I'll run you through it.

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