Vindicated0411

Ok, heres the thing. I am in college and I am with my boyfriend of a year and a half. I care about him so much and I try to do things with him and for him. Hes my best friend and the best boyfriend I could want.

So it has officially been three weeks, almost a month, since we have had sex and counting. I like sex but I can live without it. I am just trying to find out if there is a reason for the lack of sexual activity. And when I say three weeks I mean nothing as in no sex and no oral, nadda-zip, not even the slightest hint of sexual interest. Our relationship is fine as far as I know and nothing has changed to effect our relationship. I guess I am asking you guys out there if there is a reason that out of nowhere there is a lack sexual interest all of a sudden. I tried last night to "start certain activities" and his response was that he was tired. Which if he is tired I completely understand and being tired can kill your sexual drive. So what do you guys think and what is your advice?

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Glory's Sun

You're best bet is to ask him. I can't tell you what his problem is .. if there's a problem. I will saythat I have been extremely busy and overly stressed the past few weeks and it's had an effect on my sex drive. I want to have sex sure but I don't have the time and when I do get the time.. lately I've just been too tired. I know that in a week or so I'll have some time and things will be back to normal for the most part. It may even make it a little better since it's been a little while.

Anyway, you just need to ask him if something is wrong. We can't tell you what he's doing or going through.

alinn

I certainly can't speak for him as guccilvr said.

I can share with you my experiences as a 27 year old male have gone through ups and downs. I know that there are times where I can't put my finger on exactly what is wrong, but I just don't want anything to do with sex. It typically ends up being related to stress or other things I have kept down deep. Eventually it this lack of desire goes away and I am back to being a healthy sexual being, but it certainly comes in cycles.

*Here's to hoping for the recognition next time :-)*

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Jinn

Three months is pretty long -- I have a relatively low sex drive for a "typical" male, and I'm not sure I could go three months. That's not to say that this is indicative of anything, just that you might be right in wondering.

Being busy/stressed cuts down on your sex drive, and being tired just happens to be a symptom of this. Does he have a lot of new responsibility? Sex starts to seem like a "leisure activity" (it is, after all) when you have many areas of responsibility. And when you're truly responsibile, "leisure activity" is the last thing on your list of "things to get done."

I'd look at how busy he is before making any sort of "he doesn't want me anymore" kind of judgements.

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MEAD

3 weeks with absolutley no hint of sex is definitly not some freak anomalous event. Like the others have said there is a problem here. There are a range of possible reasons behind this behavior. Stress is entirely likely, there's also the more horrible idea that he is not having sex with you because he is having sex with someone else. I'm not trying to scare you. I'm more just trying to let you know how important this is, and that you really need to talk to him honestly and calmly about it.

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fresnelly

My Wife and I are way behind on where we used to be, but that's because of raising a child, work etc... But we're not overly concerned by this, because we are still affectionate in so many other ways.

Is his low sex drive the only way he has withdrawn from you? The answer to that question should give you a clue as to his state of mind.

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Sage

Hokay, girlie, you've been with your BF for a year and a half. So... COMMUNICATE WITH HIM!!! As has been said many, many times in the past, communication is the grease in the cogs of a healthy relationship. You shouldn't be asking us what's up, you should be asking him!

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ratbastid

Here's the deal with sex:

When you're hot, you're hot. When you're not, you're not. End of story.

Crack

this is true for the most part, but even when most guys are not "hot" it would take only a few mins of coaxing from a woman to turn that around.. (we are easy that way) But from your post, it seems like something else is bothering him. Ask him.

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ruggerp11

Ask, I would. On my side unless I have a life changing event coming or just happening (death in the family, entrance exams, injury, etc.) theres no reason not to have some sexual fun.

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Halx

Wow you guys are scaring the shit out of her. Stress is the #1 suppressor of sex drive I can think of. Focus on that before you start investigating his fidelity.

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ShaniFaye

Is he on any kind of medication that would lower his drive? (like anti depressants, or anxiety meds)

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ruggerp11

That is completely true, but to what extent stress affects someone is very very different per individual. I handle stress well, others don't.

__________________
Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it.
--Mark Twain
Do What makes you happy
--Me
BUT!
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FancyPants

It's nothing uncommon, most people go through phases of hightened sexuality. You can generally bring him around to his senses with very low played reverse psychology effects. Things such as telling him not to look at so much porn, or make fun of his choices or talk about the things they do in a conversational way. I find the "direct attack" route to be a turn off myself which is why I'm suggesting these routes

visotech

Have you tryed initiating by just jumping on top of him and going from there? I hate the formality of deciding to have sex, that totally kills my mood, i like to jump into it, or be jumped into it. Also, some guys just don't initiate, yet like most guys their available for sex any time of the day, you mite just have to bring it out of them?

This reminds me of my situation, which can be summed up by a scene in Curb Your Enthusiasm:

Larry is drifting off when Cheryl asks him, "Why am I the one that always has to initiate sex?" Larry explains that he's always available, and all Cheryl has to do is tap him on the shoulder. Otherwise, he tells her, "I'll just be mauling you all the time" and that would just be annoying...lol

ruggerp11

See thats it too, sometimes I would love to kiss her deeply but I
A) don't want her to think thats what its all about
B) don't want to if shes not in the mood (I always am, so her not being isn't a big deal)
C)Don't want her to feel obligated, just cause I'm ready to go.
D) find it really hot when a girl jumps on a guy, no need for games or second guessing, she wants it as much as I do.

__________________
Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it.
--Mark Twain
Do What makes you happy
--Me
BUT!
"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

Fallon

So many words of wisdom. Three weeks...pfft, I've gone whole months(it freakin sucks, and not in a good way). My fiancee and I sometimes just can't find the time or we're either to entirely stressed out.
I'm guessing that you're probably in the beginning of a new semester at school, he could be stressed about classes or something like that. Just have a chat with him about it or anything else that is bothering him and try to be supportive. If it gets to be to bad and you're worried about it, mention it kindly to him because sometimes all it needs is a little kick in the ass to get jump started again.
Best of luck and let us know how it goes.

match000

i've gone my entire life

analog

I agree... stress can kill the sex drive easily. 3 weeks to a month is far from a dangerous indication of any kind. Just ask him if there's a reason why his interest has waned. He'll tell you.

tecoyah

I would recommend the honest communication approach as well.....and I would also explain (whether true or not) that you need him, as in " My God you are pure hotness my beefy man slave of freaky circus sex, I want you so bad it hurts"....we kinda like that sometimes.

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Jinn

Oh you said three WEEKS? I thought you said months? Three weeks, pshaw..

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Vindicated0411

So I talked to him about it. We have both been stressed a great deal. This semester has been very busy for both of us, especially him. I am just worried about him in general or all the way around. I must admitt that our sex drive has been low for both of us. Our spring break starts today. I am hoping the time away from school and work will do us both good. I love him a great deal. I don't need sex but I miss him "intimately." Without trying to sound icky or mushy, I just wish he would take me and make love to me. I think the break may be just what we need. I also bought a new silky blue chemise that may help things along. ;-)

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hrandani

Glad you got this resolved, but thought I might as well chip in my own two cents.

If I've gone three weeks without sexual activity I'm dead. Stressed, hospitalized, coma - whatever.

I'd now like to take this opportunity to thank my girlfriend for moving 2,000 miles away : (