matt_mll

I started a new job about 4 months ago, and as an added bonus there’s a cute, smart, funny, and totally cool girl in my department. When we work on projects, we work well together, we laugh it up, talk about life, and even created inside jokes at the expense of others.

So, we all know where this is going…

I can’t get her out of my head, she’s awesome, and she’s single. But the fact we work together, sometimes closely, completely screws it. (pardon the pun). We’re both professional people with hard to get jobs, so making a mistake could really suck. But, sometimes, some things are worth the risk right?

Personally, I can handle it if she says no. I got that down long ago. But introducing the idea could create awkwardness. I’m not looking for anyone to tell me what to do, but advise/ideas/suggestions/comments/past experiences/etc would be welcome. How do I find out if the feeling is mutual, without creating problems at work?

Sage

I know I won't be the first to say this-

don't shit where you eat!

Ok, you like this girl. Perhaps she likes you. But you've said that you're both in "hard to get jobs." How much would you like her? Would you get fired for her? Would you have to move back in with your parents because you got fired and evicted for not paying the rent for her?

If the answer is NO, then don't persue anything with this girl. I'm not saying that office relationships don't work sometimes, just usually they cause WAY more friction than tranquility. Also, most companies have policies against employees dating. If you do decide to persue something, make sure it's OK to have office romances in your company. Don't want to get fired just for asking her out!

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dtheriault

Let's say it works out for a while, you have a fun time no problems with your boss- then things start to peter out and you call it quits. Unless one of you quits things will always be awkward or worse. And if she hates you afterward- you better be prepared to quit.

It's always tempting though. If someone can figure a way to solve the "should I date" a co-worker problem... let everyone know.

Please.

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"Remember, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen." -Homer

Unless you are the freakin Highlander, what is the point in learning how to fight with a sword?

Dragonknight

The problems I see are these.

1. If things go badly then there's a chance work will become hell and continuing to work there will suck.
2. You get canned for even attempting the relationship.
3. Things go good, and then end and work is now awkward and generally not fun. Very few people can break off a relationship now and days and keep in touch with there ex with no problems.
4. Things go wonderful and you end up married. What are the work policies on married couples working in the same section? As far as I've ever seen it doesn't happen, even if they allow work relationships. This means one of you will have to move should the relationship get that far. Is she worth possibly losing your job just to stay with either way the relationship goes?

My advice is this, ONLY if you’re completely sure she's worth it should you even think about pursuing this any farther. Good luck with it.

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Freedom is NOT Free.

taboo

i say ask her to go for coffee after work, once, twice, a couple of times, and gage her reactions to you in teh non-office environment, to see if she's interested. If you're both willing (100%), you can mask your relationship, but it does take a hell of a lot of concentration, and you have no room for mistakes. And if it doesn't work out, then you live with the consequences.
I don;t think it should stop you from getting to know her better.

Rodney

Ditto. Kick it up a notch -- but just one notch -- and see what's what.

All the warnings about office relationships and "shitting where you eat" are absolutely true. But if it's really important to you, what else ya gonna do? Take a pass and wonder, 20 years down the line, what might have been? Just take it slow and easy; and if it doesn't work out, treat her afterwards with all the respect you gave her before.

keeb

I dated and will possibly be getting back together with one of my coworkers(if things go correctly and if not then i have a very good friend). if things get rough it is hard, only do it if it is worth your position that you have now. I went to coffee for a few nights and we found we both felt the same way about each other.

BigBen

Never, ever, ever date (or have sex with) someone you work with. Just don't do it.

Epic poems have been written about men trying, and failing, in this regard.

Alas, there is no drive greater than sexual/emotional desire.

Did you know that scientists once put an electrode into a rats brain, right where the pleasure stimulus is. When the rat pushed the little bar, an electric current shot into the electrode, giving the rat the equivalent of an orgasm (as close as science could get, minus the rat-porn and tiny kleenex).

Do you know what the rat did? It shucked and jived on that little bar like Sammy Davis Jr. It didn't eat, it didn't sleep, it just jumped on that bar constantly.

It died, from DEHYDRATION. It didn't even drink fucking water, so that it could continue the pleasure rollercoaster.

So, it doesn't matter that I tell you to stay away from your co-workers. You won't (and shouldn't) listen to me anyway. I just want my words to be here to haunt you when things turn to a river of shit.

Hey, remember the good times while you are at it, okay?

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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

Bill O'Rights

Take it from the old fart...

Never, never, never, ever...dip your pen in the company ink. Dark, evil things, dwell down that road.

You want the girl? Great! Who could blame ya? She sounds fantastic.
Either you, or she, needs to find another job first, though. Trust me.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

blade02

Why limit your resources? Meaning: Why date her when you can date some one outside of work, and look forwards to flirting with office girl everyday?

little_tippler

I agree with Bill O'Rights. Ok let's say we took a poll and people were honest - what percentage of them do you think would say that the relationship they started with a work colleague worked out? I don't think it would be a high percentage. If you love your job, and it's that important to you, leave it alone. Even if you managed to stay "friends", it might be too complicated anyway.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

World's King

How old are you?

This isn't the cute girl that you worked with at McDonalds when you were 15.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Poppinjay

I dipped... it worked out.

Sorry to screw with the paradigm.

We were employees at a fairly large college in different departments. I think it's common for many people to meet and marry in that kind of environment. There were a lot of couples at our school. We work for different places now, and frankly, it's harder to talk because I don't know who these people are she talks about who work with her. I have to keep a stat sheet.

I say go for it.

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

Toaster126

Are you willing to lose your job for her? If you are, go for it. If you aren't... well, stop the nonsense before it goes too far.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

shesus

I've dated people I worked with before. It turned out horrible and one of us had to quit because of the uncomfortable feelings that developed.
However, I now work with my husband, but we were married before we started working at the same place. We rarely see each other at work, so it's not a problem. Plus, we're married so it's different. However....
You share basically the same days, put up with the same shit, and deal with the same people. We don't talk about work, but since we're together all the time, there isn't much to talk about except work. I'm looking for a different job just because...while I love him dearly, we need some different experiences away from each other to bring into the relationship.

My strong answer would be no...it could work, but do you want to bring work home too? or it couldn't work...do you want to have to continue having to be around your ex?

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Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

alkaloid

I dated a girl I met at work. Just once. She was hot and she was very smart. It was not good for the career there, since we both quit and went to work for different companies, but we didn't like it there anyway. We moved in together 3 months after we started dating. We got a dog 2 months after that. Two years later we got married and bought a house. Now after 6 years of being together, we have a beautiful baby son about to turn 1. I guess I was pretty lucky.

peterbilt1

Years ago I dated at work religiously (worked in a restaurant). I have met two wives at work--SO--wjat can I say? In a professional environment, it's a minefield at best, but we are driven creatures, aren't we? Both of you would have to be very private, mature, and discreet to pull this off in a professional environment. Good Luck.

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"God is not dead, nor does He sleep."-Henry W. Longfellow

Grasshopper Green

I'm with shesus on this. I dated someone at work...and ended up married to him. However, not bringing work home is hard. Be aware that any problems at work will transfer into problems at home...it's too damn hard to leave work at work.

I doubt I'd date at work now. Dating someone you met at a movie theater is one thing; dating someone you meet in a difficult to get job (which probably means it's one that you probably really wanted) could really mess things up if the relationship didn't work out.

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"They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king"

Formerly Medusa

pig

In addition to all the advice above, if you decide you want to initiate some "non-professional" interactions....take it slowly. You may find out, after talking with her, that she's got some hang ups you're not ready to deal with. If you jump into that situation too quickly without knowing the territory, you're screwed. You'll see her. Every day.


My advice? Be happy you work around hot chicks. That's a bonus. Hang out with her away from work? Sure. Start doing the babymaking practice with her? Be very very very careful.

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

Daoust

There are nineteen posts when I posted this, and I think that the advice given was split just about down the middle with half of you saying, and very strongly saying "DON'T!" and then the other half were people who were successful, and even got married to people they met at work. So I guess the moral of the story is sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Perhaps it doesn't work if you're just looking for an ass to tap, and might work better in circumstances where you are looking for a serious committed relationship. Obviously that theory has flaws, but there could be some partial truth to it.

I personally like not working with my wife. If we did, I think we'd do all in our power to not run into each other much in the course of a day. It would be too much exposure. Some of you folks out there might like that kind of thing, but not me. I like having two different worlds; home and work. It's easier that way for me.

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I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys

CandleInTheDark

I was infatuated with a co-worker once. Then I got some action from another woman. Puts everything into perspective.

Don't fish off the company pier.

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Where there is doubt there is freedom.

SAM821

I say go for it! What do you got to lose??? I cant see why you would lose a job over dating someone there. The only difficulty I see happening is that if one of you ever get promoted and then the conflict of interests start kicking in. Plus you the other important thing is you must keep your personal (private) lives away from the office!!! thats the key...

Other than that there is nothing wrong with dating her. I say give it a shot, especially if you two get along so well. Let us know how it goes!