Whining and discipline - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

raeanna74 · 10-31-2005, 08:05 AM

I hadn't meant to get her off it since my 5 yr old loves having a sport bottle of at least water at bedtime. Not a big deal.

Only saying that since she was throwing the fit about wanting the bottle - giving her a sippy or nothing would have meant that you were not giving in at all.

It could have been just an isolated incident - like when my 5 yr old was trying on her Halloween costume the other day, then suddenly decided she didn't want to wear it at the moment and had a complete meltdown before I could get it off her. Hasn't had a problem since. Just one of those unexplainable moments.

hrandani · 11-02-2005, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spanxxx

Well, my folks happened to be in unfortunately to witness this episodic meltdown, but alas, sometimes you can't pick your parenting moments. It was time for bed, and I told my son it was time for bed and told him to go pee so we could go put pajamas on. He told me flatly, "I don't have to pee." I explained, "You know the routine. We do this every night. We always go peepee before bed so we make sure not to wet the bed. Sometimes you have to pee a little bit and you just don't know it". So, we went into the bathroom with my basically escorting him forcefully in there. Once in there, he went over to the toilet and then turned around and said, "I don't have to peepee. I'm not going to peepee." I tell him that, "you will try to peepee. we always try. if you don't actually have to pee, that's fine. but you WILL try." So, eventually he starts crying and yelling that he doesn't have to pee and he isn't going to pee. Then, he just melts down. falls on the floor. starts pushing at me to get out of the room. I close and lock the door, stand against the doorknob, and amazingly enough, he can't move me however much he tries to shove me out of the way. I just stay quiet and let him have his tantrum. Every few minutes I try to calm him just by saying his name flatly, "Conner"....."Conner"......"Conner". Eventually, he'll stop crying to respond, and I'll ask, "Are you going to go peepee now?". Then, he'd meltdown again. I explained that we will NOT leave this bathroom until he at least tries to go peepee. Well, eventually I say, "Alright, why don't you go ahead and take your clothes off so we can put on your pull-up and pajamas." He does this, then I say, "Okay, you already have your clothes off, why don't you at least try to go peepee." He says no and stands there. I just stay quiet and keep leaning against the door. Eventually he just stops crying and whining and walks over to the toilet and as SOON as he gets within range, he lets out a forceful stream of pee and then he sort of glances at me out the sides of his eyes and this look of astonishment comes over his face and I say, "I guess you did have to go peepee didn't you?" and he quietly responds through that just getting over being crying choked up voice, "Yes.". After that, we've never had one single issue with him throwing a fit at bedtime again. He's tried, but all I've had to say is, "We always go peepee every night before bed. You know that." and he complies.

The bottom line that night was that I had decided I would not submit, no matter how long it took and eventually my son realized that this was going to be the case and he learned that I mean what I say.

By the way, it took about 20 minutes.

I got this image of this police state, sadomachocistic, Orwellian affair with a lone lightbulb and a 30 year old man instead of a child in my mind when I read this.

Could have just added 'The State always goes peepee every night before bed. You know that.' and I would have lost it.

Sorry for my warped sense of humor.

HiWayMan · 11-14-2005, 07:15 AM

A good ass whuppin' worked for me and my brother. Oddly enough, it worked on my parents, their parents, and their parents before them. And if you are worried about a high pain tolerance, don't be. I had one as a child and I can distinctly remember being swapped enough times to break through the barrier. What is more, it usual wasn't the pain that hurt me, it was the humiliation of being paddled. Works damn good in public places. No one likes getting whipped in public, and even a three, four, or five year old knows about public humiliation.

CaliLivChick · 05-16-2006, 08:53 PM

Lebell's scenario is similar to what my dad, step-mom and I used on my baby sister (15 year difference, she respects me as an authority figure, as well as a sister). However, it got to a point where we would say sorry enough times, and she would say "No you're not," and we'd have to come up with reasons that we were sorry. Her BS meter was probably going off every time we explained.

Also, with regards to manners and saying "Please" and "Thank You," I had to remind my parents to use that with my baby sister, as my dad had been out of the game for so long, and my step-mom had never had kids. They'd ask her do to something, but wouldn't set a good example by saying please. I know they shouldn't HAVE to say please, that she should just do it because they're her parents, but for the purpose of setting a good example, they needed to be a role model.

shakran · 05-16-2006, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HiWayMan

A good ass whuppin' worked for me and my brother. Oddly enough, it worked on my parents, their parents, and their parents before them. And if you are worried about a high pain tolerance, don't be. I had one as a child and I can distinctly remember being swapped enough times to break through the barrier. What is more, it usual wasn't the pain that hurt me, it was the humiliation of being paddled. Works damn good in public places. No one likes getting whipped in public, and even a three, four, or five year old knows about public humiliation.

Sorry, but physical punnishment is rarely necessary. I was spanked once growing up, by my uncle, who nearly got killed by my dad when he found out. I turned out fine. My kid's never been spanked and he is and always has been one of those rare children that actually behaves in public, isn't a sniveling jerk, and in fact is pleasant to be around.

You can advocate violence against the kid all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that it turns you into a hypocrite. You can't tell them that hitting people is wrong and then turn around and hit them. You can't tell them that violence isn't justified even if someone really makes you angry, and then use violence when the kid makes you angry.

Quite frankly spanking/paddling/switching/whatever you do to hit the kid, is the easy way out. It's a lot harder to hold steady and consistant non-physical discipline than it is to smack the kid whenever he pisses you off. But, in my experience anyway, you end up with a better kid as a result.

All that aside, we do have to remember that, especially when they're young, they're CHILDREN. They're not going to be perfect all the time. My dog sometimes pees on the floor when he gets excited. That doesn't mean he's a bad dog. It just happens. Kids sometimes screw up. When they reach 2-5 years old they start exploring their boundaries. All the times your little kid tells you "no!" or refuses to use the toilet, all that is is the kid testing to see what he can get away with. Don't let him, and you won't have trouble. Spanxxx already discovered this by not letting his kid get away with refusing to use the toilet as commanded. The kid was exploring his boundaries, and he found one of them in this incident. I note with interest that Spanxxx didn't say anything about hitting the kid to get the desired behavior. And since then the kid's been good. He might try exploring them later to see if they've moved, but as long as Spanxxx stays consistant it won't be a big deal.

But I know there are lots of parents out there who will say to themselves "but it's hard to be consistant like that. You have to stand there in the bathroom making sure they use the toilet! And I'd rather not have to stand there for 3 whole minutes. I'll just hit the kid and he'll behave."

And yes, it will probably work. Hit the kid and he'll probably modify his behavior, but out of fear, rather than desire to do what he knows he's supposed to do. Which do you think is the stronger motivator throughout life?

10-31-2005, 08:05 AM	#41 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I hadn't meant to get her off it since my 5 yr old loves having a sport bottle of at least water at bedtime. Not a big deal. Only saying that since she was throwing the fit about wanting the bottle - giving her a sippy or nothing would have meant that you were not giving in at all. It could have been just an isolated incident - like when my 5 yr old was trying on her Halloween costume the other day, then suddenly decided she didn't want to wear it at the moment and had a complete meltdown before I could get it off her. Hasn't had a problem since. Just one of those unexplainable moments. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

05-16-2006, 08:53 PM	#44 (permalink)
CaliLivChick In Transition Location: Sanford, FL (between Daytona and Orlando)	Lebell's scenario is similar to what my dad, step-mom and I used on my baby sister (15 year difference, she respects me as an authority figure, as well as a sister). However, it got to a point where we would say sorry enough times, and she would say "No you're not," and we'd have to come up with reasons that we were sorry. Her BS meter was probably going off every time we explained. Also, with regards to manners and saying "Please" and "Thank You," I had to remind my parents to use that with my baby sister, as my dad had been out of the game for so long, and my step-mom had never had kids. They'd ask her do to something, but wouldn't set a good example by saying please. I know they shouldn't HAVE to say please, that she should just do it because they're her parents, but for the purpose of setting a good example, they needed to be a role model. __________________ Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.

11-14-2005, 07:15 AM	#43 (permalink)
HiWayMan Upright	A good ass whuppin' worked for me and my brother. Oddly enough, it worked on my parents, their parents, and their parents before them. And if you are worried about a high pain tolerance, don't be. I had one as a child and I can distinctly remember being swapped enough times to break through the barrier. What is more, it usual wasn't the pain that hurt me, it was the humiliation of being paddled. Works damn good in public places. No one likes getting whipped in public, and even a three, four, or five year old knows about public humiliation.