I am in serious need of advice!
 

I'm not a parent, but I guess I'm about to be! I started dating this girl about four months ago. I wore condoms, but somewhere one must have failed. She got pregnant. About a month after conception, she miscarried. So I was sad but relieved, I'm only 18 shes only 17 and when I found out she was pregnant we'd already broken up. Well about a week ago she went and seen a doctor for stomach pains. The doctor told her she did miscarry, but only miscarried one of the twins I made! I'm a little sketchy on this part, cause I didn't think ithis type of thing was possible. I have no reason not to believe her though. The main thing I would like advice on is the fact she now lives in Loveland, Colorado, and I live in Bountiful, Utah. I don't want my child to not know me. I don't want it to be one of those kids that's like,"Fuck my dad, I never knew the guy!" How am I supposed to have a decent relationship with my child being so far away?! Is it possible? Can it work? Has it worked for any of you?

Well, look, I grew up in Bountiful, Utah (I lived all the way up 1800 South, sort of near the golf course), and I turned out all right. So you've got that going for you.

I'm confused about how you were dating her when she lives a state away? I guess that's a little beside the point, but I'm still curious about that.

Look, people work this stuff out. If you're really committed to being part of your child's life, you'll figure out how to do it. People do that all the time.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but I'd want some sort of test done to prove its yours.

My friend went through this sort of thing: A remarkable pregancy/no-pregnancy/pregnancy again. Turned out the girl was just making up lies to make my friend miserable.

Its possible to miscarry one baby in a set of twins, and actually happens more often than both twins are successfully delivered. However -- skeptical me would want to make DAMN SURE that the baby actually existed AND was mine before I changed my life for it. You being a "good" father might necessitate you moving, if that's truly who you want to be. Best of luck to you and I hope everything works out for you (and her).

Yep, this has red flags all over it.

Don't be a sucker, get it checked out.

Was her getting pregnant an acceptable risk for having sex?

Judge much?

It can work out well but it will take work on both your parts.
make sure the kid is yours, and don't get married just for the kid, that never works

*Notes the irony of the towns these kids live in...

You don't say how long you have been apart or exactly when this condom supposedly failed, so I totally concur with the others and insist on a DNA test.
If this turns out to be your kid and not some scam, you have rights you can exercise to ensure your place in your child's life, should she keep it.

This is very possible with miscarrying one of the twins. One of my friends that I graduated highschool with is carrying one of twins. The other she miscarried only barely a month ago. She is still having some trouble and is on bedrest but the second one is still healthy and alive.


Everyone else here gave good advice. Get DNA test. Consider moving or at least excercising your parental rights for visitation or 50/50 custody. Kudos to you for showing responsibility for the 'misshap' that apparently occured.

:crazy: That's what I said. :)

Yeah. I was agreeing with you...

I believe I heard that 25% of all pregnancies are aborted? I believe it was 25%... And 99% within the first three months.
So, if that's fetuses, instead of pregnancies, then it would be easy to see how one of twins would abort. I would think Fraternal twins, since most spontaneous abortions are assumed to be because there's something wrong with the fetus.

Edit: Oh, yeah, and I agree about the paternity test stuff too.

So what happened?

EULA thanks for your input but rather it was an acceptable risk or not is not an issue, but just for the record I don't have sex unless I'm willing to risk this. I do plan to get a test even though I am pretty sure it's mine. Thanks for all the advice so far!

Personally, I'd say it's not yours... or perhaps she's not even pregnant. This sounds fishy. I know that unless the baby is genetically deformed or something they won't do an in-utero DNA test (because they'd have to do an amniocentesis which is dangerous and painful), so you will have to wait until the baby is born. Do NOT assume this kid is yours, and do NOT let this pregnancy affect your life in a negative way (ie, don't let this girl play the emotions game with your head)

I'm very very happy there are men like you in the world who take responsibility! :)

Assuming it is mine today I found out it's a boy. Shes four months along now, they can tell the sex that early right?

Sex can be told right around that time... Probably earlier if a specific blood test is run.. but generally with a sonogram, the sex is known.

Ditto. Ask for a paternity test. Yeah, she might get pissed, but you need to be adults about it.

I give you two thumbs up for wanting to play an active part in your boy's life. And yes, they can tell at four months of age what the sex is. It will certainly not be easy given the distances involved but if you truly want to know your child and have him know you, you will find a way.

Good luck to you!

There is a lot on the line, your future and the future of a child. Get a paternity test.

They can tell you with some certainty the sex, but my sister went from 80% sure it was a boy at 4 months to 90% sure it was a girl at 6 months, so be wary.

My first instinct upon reading this (so I guess I'm jaded) is that if you wore a condom every time and you don't remember one breaking is that she was screwing someone else behind your back. Paternity test is mandatory in this situation methinks.

Can anyone recommend a reputable DNA company to do a paternity test?"

I know my OB/GYN used one in particular (though I don't know who). Point being that you can probably call and get a referral to one. I figure if a doc chooses one, there's a reason they stick with the same one.

Also, not much more to be said than good job and a pat on the back for being a man about this. :)

wow.. the baby in the OP should be about 1 year old now...

Hahahah that's what we get for not looking at the date.

So... I wonder what happened...

can a mod send an email to them asking for an update?

Check the profile - Gimmick has an email link.

I read a few of the replies, Not all of them, honestly.

To you I say this. There are many forms of parenting. And a parent you will be. No two ways about that. You are now one of what you have relied on your last 18 years. the role is now yours. DO YOU REALLY WANT IT? Because if you Really do, You are going to make it happen. Want the kid to know you? BE THERE. Move to him/her. Change your job and be there. Yeah, thats right, you now owe child support. Go be with who you are supporting. Show him he is more than just a monetary responsibility.
The honest truth is you have a long and trying journey ahead of you. But it is absolutely the most rewarding thing you will ever do with yourself and your time. you may not be thinking of this child your every waking hour now, But as this child is a part of your life, throughout the years, You will find yourself doing nothing but. And you will love that child. then when that child is the age you are now, and so much sooner than you think, you will be so glad you made the decision to BE there with him/her.
You're a good kid for taking the time to ask a question like that. Its a hard choice for young people to make. Because it is a decision that lasts your whole lifetime. its permanent. once you accept the fact that you are a parent. your whole life is going to change. God Bless.

Darish, dear, Hi! Nice to see a new member. Nice post, in fact. But the OP was 2 years ago. :D It was revived by someone else looking for info on paternity tests.

But really, nice post! Welcome aboard!