Cry babies. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

EULA · 04-19-2005, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Children Need Touching and Attention, Harvard Researchers Say By Alvin Powell
Contributing Writer

America's "let them cry" attitude toward children may lead to more fears and tears among adults, according to two Harvard Medical School researchers. Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with them, where they'll feel safe, according to Michael L. Commons and Patrice M. Miller, researchers at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry.

The pair examined childrearing practices here and in other cultures and say the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds -- even separate rooms -- and not responding quickly to their cries may lead to incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders when these children reach adulthood.

The early stress resulting from separation causes changes in infant brains that makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons and Miller.

"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma."

The Harvard researchers' work is unique because it takes a cross-disciplinary approach, examining brain function, emotional learning in infants, and cultural differences, according to Charles R. Figley, director of the Traumatology Institute at Florida State University and editor of The Journal of Traumatology.

"It is very unusual but extremely important to find this kind of interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary research report," Figley said. "It accounts for cross-cultural differences in children's emotional response and their ability to cope with stress, including traumatic stress."

Figley said Commons and Miller's work illuminates a route of further study and could have implications for everything from parents' efforts to intellectually stimulate infants to practices such as circumcision.

Commons has been a lecturer and research associate at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry since 1987 and is a member of the Department's Program in Psychiatry and the Law.

Miller has been a research associate at the School's Program in Psychiatry and the Law since 1994 and an assistant professor of psychology at Salem State College since 1993. She received master's and doctorate degrees in human development from the Graduate School of Education.

The pair say that American childrearing practices are influenced by fears that children will grow up dependent. But they say that parents are on the wrong track: physical contact and reassurance will make children more secure and better able to form adult relationships when they finally head out on their own.

"We've stressed independence so much that it's having some very negative side effects," Miller said.

The two gained the spotlight in February when they presented their ideas at the American Association for the Advancement of Science's annual meeting in Philadelphia.

Commons and Miller, using data Miller had worked on that was compiled by Robert A. LeVine, Roy Edward Larsen Professor of Education and Human Development, contrasted American childrearing practices with those of other cultures, particularly the Gusii people of Kenya. Gusii mothers sleep with their babies and respond rapidly when the baby cries.

"Gusii mothers watching videotapes of U.S. mothers were upset by how long it took these mothers to respond to infant crying," Commons and Miller said in their paper on the subject.

The way we are brought up colors our entire society, Commons and Miller say. Americans in general don't like to be touched and pride themselves on independence to the point of isolation, even when undergoing a difficult or stressful time.

Despite the conventional wisdom that babies should learn to be alone, Miller said she believes many parents "cheat," keeping the baby in the room with them, at least initially. In addition, once the child can crawl around, she believes many find their way into their parents' room on their own.

American parents shouldn't worry about this behavior or be afraid to baby their babies, Commons and Miller said. Parents should feel free to sleep with their infant children, to keep their toddlers nearby, perhaps on a mattress in the same room, and to comfort a baby when it cries.

"There are ways to grow up and be independent without putting babies through this trauma," Commons said. "My advice is to keep the kids secure so they can grow up and take some risks."

Besides fears of dependence, the pair said other factors have helped form our childrearing practices, including fears that children would interfere with sex if they shared their parents' room and doctors' concerns that a baby would be injured by a parent rolling on it if the parent and baby shared the bed. Additionally, the nation's growing wealth has helped the trend toward separation by giving families the means to buy larger homes with separate rooms for children.

The result, Commons and Miller said, is a nation that doesn't like caring for its own children, a violent nation marked by loose, nonphysical relationships.

"I think there's a real resistance in this culture to caring for children," Commons said. But "punishment and abandonment has never been a good way to get warm, caring, independent people."

hrdwareguy · 04-19-2005, 01:43 PM

First off, generally a discussion is started by you posting an article and then posting an opinion.

With that said, I think it is important that parents provide both things to their kids at appropriate times. Affection and touching is good in some circumstances while letting them cry is good in others.

Example: If my child hurts himself, then affection and touching is a good thing to provide comfort. However if my child is throwing a fit because he doesn't get what he wants, he can take his happy butt to his room and cry away.

f6twister · 04-19-2005, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Commons and Miller, using data Miller had worked on that was compiled by Robert A. LeVine, Roy Edward Larsen Professor of Education and Human Development, contrasted American childrearing practices with those of other cultures, particularly the Gusii people of Kenya. Gusii mothers sleep with their babies and respond rapidly when the baby cries.

"Gusii mothers watching videotapes of U.S. mothers were upset by how long it took these mothers to respond to infant crying," Commons and Miller said in their paper on the subject.

Um, of course the Gusii are going to be upset by seeing a response to something which differs completely from their culture. Many Americans are repulsed by a culture who's women don't shave their legs or under the arms, but that doesn't make it wrong. I agree with hrdwareguy, there are times a quick response is needed and others where it becomes necessary for a kid to cry. My son fell and hurt himself. I was picking him up in less than 5 seconds after it happened. A few days later, he grabbed an item he knows he is not allowed to touch. I told him no and took it away so he started bawling. I left him alone on the floor to cry.

Okay, so the basis of the story is that by doing what I did, I'm going to cause my son, "incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders". The story states that I live in, "a nation that doesn't like caring for its own children, a violent nation marked by loose, nonphysical relationships". Because I let my child cry when he does something bad? I find that very difficult to believe and do not plan to change a thing with my parenting. There is a balance which should be maintained between no contact and smothering and everything I read in this article reeks of smothering. If you don't maintain the balance and let them have some time to cry, I think we will end up with a bunch of adults who won't leave home because they haven't cut the apron strings from their mom or deal with the real world.

Grasshopper Green · 04-19-2005, 06:28 PM

From what I gathered from the article, it's mostly about infants. I don't have a problem with quick response to an infant's crying; I definitely don't agree with the cry-it-out method for babies. Toddlers are a different story however. I'm with the previous two posters...when my son gets hurt, I'm there immediately. When he's throwing a tantrum....he can cry as long as he wants to.

sexymama · 04-19-2005, 06:37 PM

Eula -- this is something we can totally agree upon! Infants need touch. That is why I don't buy the "carry" type carseat. When we are out and about, I hold my babies. (Note: not in the car -- once we arrive.) They don't sleep in my bed, but in my bedroom. They are never left to cry. And they are all well bounded, happy individuals. This is a good article and very true when it comes to infants. Thanks for sharing.

EULA · 04-20-2005, 02:56 PM

I think in general Americans don't like children. I don't think we want them to be independent, we don't want to constantly be a niussance.

Devoid · 04-20-2005, 05:52 PM

Yeah, I hated children till I had a daughter of my own. Now I love them. I agree that there is no single answer to dealing with children. Of course it differs with the behavior and the motive, not just the fact that they're crying. If my daughter is hurt, I'll console her and give her kisses, but if she's throwing a fit, I'm firm with her. You can't just give in whenever a kid wants something.

That's why we've got so many whiny little brats these days, because parents are either too busy to discipline their kids, or too scared. I hate it.

Zegel · 04-21-2005, 04:37 PM

I try to always be there for my daughter when she's crying, but I also watch out for the fake tears. For instance, when she falls down and gets up to start playing again as if everything is okay - but then she notices that I saw her fall, thus prompting the tears. I'm sure it goes back to her younger years when that type of thing prompted an immediate reponse from us, but she's a big girl now and the fakeness can get old fast. That said, we never ignore her rightout, in those cases we just explain to her that it's not a big deal, and that she needs to handle it on her own.

04-19-2005, 01:43 PM	#2 (permalink)
hrdwareguy "Officer, I was in fear for my life" Location: Oklahoma City	First off, generally a discussion is started by you posting an article and then posting an opinion. With that said, I think it is important that parents provide both things to their kids at appropriate times. Affection and touching is good in some circumstances while letting them cry is good in others. Example: If my child hurts himself, then affection and touching is a good thing to provide comfort. However if my child is throwing a fit because he doesn't get what he wants, he can take his happy butt to his room and cry away. __________________ Gun Control is hitting what you aim at Aim for the TFP, Donate Today

04-19-2005, 06:28 PM	#4 (permalink)
Grasshopper Green ...is a comical chap Location: Where morons reign supreme	From what I gathered from the article, it's mostly about infants. I don't have a problem with quick response to an infant's crying; I definitely don't agree with the cry-it-out method for babies. Toddlers are a different story however. I'm with the previous two posters...when my son gets hurt, I'm there immediately. When he's throwing a tantrum....he can cry as long as he wants to. __________________ "They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king" Formerly Medusa

04-19-2005, 06:37 PM	#5 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	Eula -- this is something we can totally agree upon! Infants need touch. That is why I don't buy the "carry" type carseat. When we are out and about, I hold my babies. (Note: not in the car -- once we arrive.) They don't sleep in my bed, but in my bedroom. They are never left to cry. And they are all well bounded, happy individuals. This is a good article and very true when it comes to infants. Thanks for sharing. __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

04-20-2005, 05:52 PM	#7 (permalink)
Devoid Psycho Location: Floating amongst the ether	Yeah, I hated children till I had a daughter of my own. Now I love them. I agree that there is no single answer to dealing with children. Of course it differs with the behavior and the motive, not just the fact that they're crying. If my daughter is hurt, I'll console her and give her kisses, but if she's throwing a fit, I'm firm with her. You can't just give in whenever a kid wants something. That's why we've got so many whiny little brats these days, because parents are either too busy to discipline their kids, or too scared. I hate it. __________________ We're here to steal your pornography, and sodomize our vast imaginations. - Inignot

04-20-2005, 02:56 PM	#6 (permalink)
EULA Crazy Location: Bowling Green, KY	I think in general Americans don't like children. I don't think we want them to be independent, we don't want to constantly be a niussance.

04-21-2005, 04:37 PM	#8 (permalink)
Zegel Tilted	I try to always be there for my daughter when she's crying, but I also watch out for the fake tears. For instance, when she falls down and gets up to start playing again as if everything is okay - but then she notices that I saw her fall, thus prompting the tears. I'm sure it goes back to her younger years when that type of thing prompted an immediate reponse from us, but she's a big girl now and the fakeness can get old fast. That said, we never ignore her rightout, in those cases we just explain to her that it's not a big deal, and that she needs to handle it on her own.