littlebighead

...and when I say "the truth", I mean that he isn't a real person who comes down your chimney to deliver gifts the night of Christmas Eve.

Personally, I have neither encouraged nor discouraged the belief in Santa. I put presents under the tree without any attribution to the parents. This last Christmas Eve, my four-year old daughter decided to write a letter to Santa. I was surprised, because she had previously declared that Santa didn't exist (I just responded that some people do believe, some people don't). I asked her why she had suddenly changed her mind about Santa. She said because she wanted a ballerina dress that I haven't given her yet. Personally, I think she's just "hedging" -- writing a letter, just in case he exists, but not really believing so. I went through a similar exercise, only when I was about six or seven. Anyhow, I promised to mail the letter. It's sitting in my desk right now. I didn't have time to get a ballerina dress, but I'll go looking for one soon. I had to explain that, if Santa did exist, it might not be reasonable for him to get one on such short notice. Actually, my daughter probably doesn't believe in Santa, but is just trying to extort another gift out of me.

What are your own experiences? Do you just keep up with the pretense until they figure it out? Is Santa Claus a belief you encourage or discourage? Why?

I've always been somewhat opposed to the idea of Santa Claus. I feel it's a subversive way of controlling a child's behavior, by talking about an imaginary person "who knows when you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake." It's like bribery -- be good so that you will get gifts. And doesn't it feel creepy to think that there's someone who's constantly monitoring your actions? But I know most people believe it's just harmless fun.

...a related Calvin and Hobbes strip:



Sorry if this thread has been done before.

sexymama

All my kids have enjoyed Santa and it seems no harm was done. One reason my 9 and 11 year old are looking forward to the birth of our baby is to have someone around who believes in Santa again as it is "so much fun to pretend."

My older sister did not let her children believe in Santa. Once her eldest saw a picture of another sister's daughter on Santa's lap. He said, "see mom, there is a Santa. Auntie wouldn't let Alicia sit on his lap if he weren't real." He really wanted to be able to "believe" and she took that fantasy away from him. Personally, I thought it was sad.

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MXL

My son who is 9, is on the edge of figuring out the truth. I am a little worried because I don't want him to figure it out and tell my 7 year old daughter.

Two years ago, my father in-law came over christmas morning at about 6AM, dressed in a full Santa outfit. We roused the kids, and got them to come down the stairs. The kids saw a very short glimpse of Santa, and ran back up the stairs as fast as they could and jumped back in bed. They went back to sleep and didn't get back up until about 9AM. As far as they were concerned it was the middle of the night, and they saw Santa. Last year we overheard them talking about how they saw Santa, so they definately believe. This year I think my son is skeptical, but the Santa incident, it definately extending the belief, a little further than his classmates.

NegativeNine

Palamidian

Oh man that gave me a good laugh!

Stick

Of course Santa is real, NegativeNine, I am Santa!
And if you send me $5000.00 I will use that money to facillitate the release of $10m that you have won in the Nigerian lottery!

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sillygirl

My parents sat us down and gave us the spiel about Santa being more a state of mind, etc, than an actual person in a red suit.

Actually, my dad told us Santa had a heart attack and died. At that point I was too old to believe, but my brother about died. THEN they gave us the spiel.

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ngdawg

My mom did the same for me when I was 8-the oldest of four. It's a Christmas I will never forget. The neighbor came dressed as Santa, my mom woke me up and let me take a peek around the corner, promising to be very quiet. She said the look on my face was priceless.
I would have liked to have done that for my own kids. Instead, I would only take them to one particular mall to see Santa. I would whisper their names and the fact they were twins to the 'helpers' and Santa would ask how his favorite twins were doing that year. We did things like leave half-eaten carrots in the front yard and hand prints on the walls. I miss that part of their childhood-the lack of scepticism and the total trust in things they couldn't explain, only loved.

Grasshopper Green

My mom told us at a very young age that Santa didn't exist, and we didn't celebrate Christmas after I was 7. She did tell us not to tell other kids though, because they didn't know and we shouldn't spoil it for them. My son is 3 and I'm sure I'll tell him about Santa. He kind of knows about Santa after this Christmas but is too young to fully understand yet. I never really felt bad as a child that I knew Santa didn't exist, but I want him to have that experience and make Christmas more special now.

discotequi

My wife is pregnant with our first... but her brother has 3 kids, the oldest just turned 7. They decided to tell their kids VERY early on that Santa was not real, and now I'm just not sure I want my kid to spend Christmas with them. Not only do they not believe, but they find it important to contradict any mention of Santa with "He's not real"...

I think kids want to believe... it's magical and I would think eventually helps kids develop greater imagination, etc. I'm looking forward to fostering this belief in our kids.

Ella

My kids are 5 and 11 and I want them to believe as long as possible. The oldest has already figured out there is no tooth fairy (that was a no-brainer when she caught me sneaking in to put the money in the box one morning when I had forgotten the night before), and the Easter Bunny is a bit obvious. But she still maintains belief in Santa (I think she has an inkling but doesn't let on).

My 5 year old has full belief in everything! And that's the way I'd like it to stay. Even if my oldest did catch on to the Santa thing, she would still want her younger sister to believe.

Let kids stay kids for as long as they like, I say.

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discotequi

Amen Ella!

crewsor

We let our kids believe untill they began to question the existance of Santa. Once they reach a certain age, depending on environment and circumstances, they will natrually have doubts. For us, that was the time to explain about Santa. It will vary from person to person and family to family, but there will come a point where kids will doubt Santa. Be it from exposure to older kids, other kids their age, or just media in general. I see no point in lying to them, but I also see no harm in encouraging the belief untill they harbor doubts.

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Xell101

I was a perceptive and cynical little bastard. My mom regailing me with tales of Santa is my first memory of the BS detector going off, I was around two and a half to three years old at the time.

ICER

What truth about Santa? Is there a secret about him I don't know?

heh heh, actually. I told my kids. But encourage the belief of a Christmas spirit of giving

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bigdaddy19

Last year, my wife told our kids (8 and 5 at the time) the truth about Santa. The deal was they could not reveal the truth to other kids, or they wouldn't get presents from Santa this year. They held up their end of the deal. In fact, the 5 year old forgot that there was no Santa and was very excited. To me, Santa represents the true meaning of giving, where you ask for nothing in return.

pattycakes

....lol when my cousin andbrother told me there was no such thing as santa i said
"don't worry i wont tell them he isnt real" them being our parents

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kangaeru

MXL, that is the most awesome thing I have ever heard. When i was a kid we set out milk and cookies and my dad ate them, and wrote us a letter. We used to be putting off going to my bed and my mom would go, "Do you hear that, it's Santa's bells, the reindeer are close! If you go to sleep he might skip our house!"

I'm 20 years old and I still look back on those times with vivid fondness. Don't worry about telling your kids about Santa, some punk ass kid is going to tell them in school around 3rd or 4th grade, they will come to ask you about it, and then you can tell them the truth. But let them believe it as long as you can, and MXL, I'm going to remember what you just said because if I ever have kids I'm definitely going to pull a Santa stunt too =)

squirrelyburt

So you are saying Santa isn't real??? WTF???

Mine kind of figured it out on their own, I was honest when they asked but tried to impress that it was the spirit of the thought, not that there is an actual being. Just a nice thought to beleive in

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thyckredhead

I have a 8 year old and a 6 year old. My 8 year old has been having doubts about Santa and keeps asking me to tell her the truth. Some kid at school keeps telling her that Santa is not real. I was well over 10 when my mom and dad shared the devastating news with me and I just don't want my daughter to stop believing this early. Also, I do not want her to spoil it for my 6 year old. Any advice, please?

fresnelly

I would pull her aside in a conspiratorial manner and make a big production out of letting her in on the BIG secet.

For example, you could:

Tell her that only special children get to know the truth.
Have her swear the "Official" Santa secret oath not to tell anyone who doesn't deserve it.
Include her in deceiving her sibling (Fun!)

Above all, stress the importance of maintainting the Christmas spirit for the greater good

It's a shame she had to find out from some little brat at school.

Good luck
/*performs the Santa Secret hand shake*

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Willravel

My daughter understands what Santa is. I told her, in so many words, that Santa Clause is an old story based on a man that used to bring gifts to children. I told her that to celebrate this man, we say he is still alive and giving gifts to children. I also told her not to tell her classmates at the pre-preschool. She still hasn't mastered english, but I think she got the gist of what I was trying to say. I'll tell her again when she gets older. I just hope she doesn't blurt it out in kintegarden like her old man.

SERPENT7

I think the best time to tell is when they tell you. not before. (why spoil it?)
I would def. not try to maintain the mystery once they find out, though. Otherwise they will continue to doubt, and spread it to others.

sapiens

I'm inclined to tell my daughter that Santa doesn't exist. I don't see the benefit of deceiving your kids. I don't think that it aids imagination to believe in Santa. I don't think that it's useful to believe in things that don't exist.

Of course, I don't go overboard with the truth. For example: I would never tell my daughter that her doll, Baby Poppins, is just plastic and cloth. (She LOVES Baby Poppins).

I don't think that believing in Santa hurts anybody. I understand that others do see benefit in it and I respect that. My wife, for example, wants our daughter to believe in Santa.

willravel, I really like your strategy. It seems like a thoughtful compromise.

analog

The year that I found out about the truth of Santa from my parents, i promised to keep it under my hat. However, I called them on the dishonesty of it all- no biggie, I just mentioned it.

A week or so later, my brother accidentally ran into the coffee table and broke something on it, and rather than go and own up to it, he went and tried to pretend he hadn't done it. He was confronted by my parents, I was in the room, and when my mom mentioned how lying is bad, my "this is hypocritical bullshit" detector went off, and I quickly blurted out, "YOU LIED ABOUT SANTA!" After a moment, my dad was dying with laughter, my mom was glaring at me with a hint of "I want to laugh but can't" and my brother was quickly piecing the puzzle together in his head, and looking very upset for the effort. Before he started wailing, I made up something about the milk we put out being put back in the refrigerator because it would go bad if it sat out, which he readily accepted.

Long story short, I THEN got the story on "innocent, little white lies", and not being disrespectful by undermining your parents directly in front of someone else- a "if you're going to call someone out, do it in private", sort of thing.

That being said, my imagination is one of my fondest personal posessions, and I thank my parents all the time for nurturing it to its potential. Seeing as allowing "Santa" (or whomever) doesn't permanently damage a child once they find out the truth, I've never seen harm in letting a child have something magical to believe in.

I think that's a large part of why there are a good number of people with no religious affiliation who nonetheless enjoy the festivities of the Santa-Christmas. You still get the good will, the "giving is better than receiving", the "helping the less fortunate", the presents (yay!) and the fun imagination of it all.

(Disclaimer- I don't have kids... I don't like kids... but i'm a kid at heart... take it for what it's worth.)

Oh, and, not for nothing- but some of you have literally written out, or heavily alluded to, your desires to keep your children young... so if "I want them to be kids as long as possible" is your reason, that's not really a healthy reason to not tell them, or do anything, in my opinion. That's just a selfish desire to keep them children, so you don't have to watch them grow up- which for some of you, annoyingly points out the progression of your own age, which portends their leaving the nest, which gives you a sense of "no longer being needed". Raise them right, and you'll always have their love- no need to keep the "you're a kid" strangle-hold on them. Just a point to ponder.

Shadefire

When I was a kid, we would go over to my grandma's house for Chistmas Eve. At night we would watch the Santa Tracker on the news. It was a big map of Wisconsin with a red dot for Rudolph. When it got close to our area, we would go home so we could go to bed.

Our kid is for and firmly believes in Santa and I want to keep it that way.

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Lead543

I figured it out on my own, my mom would leave letters from Santa and one winter even put reindeer bells in the driveway. When my older brothers figured it out I guess she spoke to them because they never told me he didn't exsist. Regardless, santa still comes to our house, last year he visited a 17 y/o, a 21 y/o and a 24 y/o.

streak_56

Literally I found out in the Seventh grade. My music teacher broke the news to me. No one would tell me. And Santa only leaves me a stocking nowadays.

Siege

I don't think I ever believed in Santa. It wasn't that I was a rather sharp kid, it's just that I figured it out when my parents would just ask me what I wanted for Xmas, buy it, and put it under the tree.

This never made me particularly unhappy, but it might've made other kids unhappy when I would say things like "Santa? Who the hell is Santa? My parents give ME presents!"

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matthew330

I learned an important life's lesson when I learned Santa wasn't real. I don't remember what age exactly I was, but I remember the event like it was yesterday

I helped my mom wrap gifts for christmas and after she laid them all out and put the tags on them I was looking around and noticed one that I recognized I had wrapped, but the tag said "To: Bill", "From: Santa". Both my parents were in the room and I asked my mom, "why'd you say this was from Santa when it was from you?"

My mom burst into tears and started freaking out because she "let the cat out of the bag" so to speak." My dad got pissed at me for upsetting her and kept saying "c'mon now, you certainly knew by this point santa wasn't real??"

I'm thinking "well no, not really, but i seriously don't care that much."

I don't think it'll bother your kids in least when they find out, regardless of how they find out...but remember, if you think it's starting to upset them - act twice as upset about them finding out and they'll be more concerned about you then you ever were about them.

It's great relationship advice too. If you do something that pisses off your significant other, act like your twice as disappointed in yourself as she is in you. She'll go from yelling at you to trying to make you feel better.

macmanmike6100

of this might sound childish now, but i honestly feel hurt when i think about santa. i have always been an incredibly driven individual, and always felt on-par with everyone, including my parents (yes yes, they still disciplined me, but I was treated with the same respect as an adult)...or so I thought, because when they told me there was no santa, trust in my parents was utterly shattered. from that point forward, i would never trust a soul without completely faith in my own analysis first. you might be saying that's a good result, but the truth of the matter was that it only hindered my faith in what my parents told me, and by extension those very close to me.

i'm a fervent supporter of telling your kids before, say, middle school.

peterbilt1

Like most other things in parenting, answer your kids truthfully when they ask. Because when a child asks you something, it's because they want to know the truth, and they need to know they can get it from you. My oldest asked when he was in 5th grade (more of a fantasy-driven kid), my middle son when he was 5 or 6 (the pragmatist), and my daughter likewise. She, interestingly, chooses to believe strongly in the Christmas spirit.

silvertiger

Santa was a good idea for the first kid.. she believed, was happy and oblivious.. but when we had other kids.. they found out via the older sibling's grapevine and challenged us on it ..

good luck after kid 1 with santa

abaya

I am an only child, and I believed in Santa fervently to about the age of... 8, 9? Can't remember now, might have been earlier. I argued with those punks at school, offered them proof that Santa was real, left milk and cookies (carrots for reindeer), fell asleep waiting by the tree (dad was a trooper and carried me in each time).

I don't regret believing in Santa one bit... when the time came, I finally gave up my belief, but it wasn't a hugely traumatic thing. Just part of growing up in America (remember this is a hugely cultural thing, not everyone does it!). Not sure if I would do it with my own kids, but I don't see much harm either way. It's kind of tough to avoid perpetuating the myth when you raise them in this country, at least. What's better, teaching cynicism or appreciation? I don't know. Maybe they aren't mutually exclusive..

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aceventura3

When my son directly asked, I told the truth. He was about 4 or 5.

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Guinevere

My kids never asked so I never had to deal with it. All I know is they loved Christmas morning and still do. I do have close friends that told their child there was no Santa and at Christmas, she just wandered around with a puzzled expression on her face all the time. All the ridiculous pomp and ceremony made no sense to her without the 'Santa' part of it too.

But I must say, I've grown weary of the entire Christmas scene and really want to change it up next year. I think for the first time we're going to take daddy's bonus check and go skiing for a week instead of spending that money on consumer goods. I'd rather have fun memories of a family Christmas vacation then the traditional spending and eating frenzy. My family is all for it--I think we're all ready for a new tradition too. But, old traditions die hard! Anyone else have that problem?

raeanna74

We've told our daughter the 'truth' from the start pretty much. When she was one I wanted to start the Santa thing. Then my mother, who believes Santa is a created of the devil used to distract us from the 'real meaning' of Christmas, told us that if we insisted on lying to our daughter she would not help us. If our daughter ever mentioned Santa to her she would tell her the truth.

Soooo rather than allowing her to make us out to be the bad guy we told her the truth. She is five now and has friends who do believe still and she decided that Mom and Dad are just duped into not believing. She wanted to go see Santa, she only had 3 things that she HAD to have from Santa, and she wanted badly to leave carrots and cookies and milk out even though we'd never told her to do those things. When we opened our presents on Christmas we didn't say that any were from Santa and she never asked.

In the end we tell her that Santa is a fun thing to pretend and that he does something that we all should do, giving others thoughtful gifts. She doesn't seem bothered by it in the least and enjoy ths Santa game.

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CaliLivChick

Analog - When I think of parents trying to keep their kids as kids, and not having them grow up too fast, they don't do it for themselves, they do it for their kids. I grew up too fast, knew too much at too young of an age, and would much rather have been kept in the dark about some things. I started continuing my childhood around 16, and my mom couldn't understand why, even when I told her that it was because I didn't have a childhood as a childhood, so I was having it at 16.

I probably started asking my parents if Santa was real around 6 or 7, but they could see that I still believed, and only had small doubts, so while they never said "Yes", they never said "No". They pulled some politician-speak on me, and never answered my question directly. I started asking to sleep downstairs in the living room (where the Christmas tree was) on Christmas Eve, saying that I'd stay asleep, but they wouldn't let me. I figured it out around 10 or 11, but wasn't mad at them for not telling me.

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ClostGoth

Okay, I'd like to add my 2 cents. I don't think it's wrong to tell your kids that Santa is real. However, I couldn't do it with my kids for my own, personal reasons. Mojodragon agreed when I explained my reasoning. To myself, and my husband, finding out that there was no Santa was one of the reasons we started questioning other things our parents had told us. We didn't want that to happen to our kids. So we lied about Santa, what about the Easter Bunny? The tooth fairy? God? Drugs are bad? Ummm.. okay, so that might be a bit far out there, but the thought was valid. Instead, we "play" Santa. Every year, we tell our kids the Santa story. We also tell them stories about the original St. Nick, and different stories from around the world. We talk about different religion's reasons for celebrating the season and why _we_ do. (Consequently, we aren't Christian, but we do teach them about the birth of Jesus right along with every other religion.) Then we tell them that _we_ believe that Santa is a representation of the spirit of giving, and we "play" Santa. They pretend Santa is real and we pretend to be him. And we all know it's pretend, but we have fun anyway. The kids really enjoy "playing Santa" for each other and for other people in the neighborhood, homeless shelters, kids at church, homeschool friends, etc... So why can't we have the best of both worlds?

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thespian86

Santa isn't real? Thats bullshit! my girlfriend keeps trying to convince me but she has yet to reason with me... you know what... don't ever tell your kids. Eventually it will dawn on them and you can still continue to pretend and they will tell you that you are stupid and that he isn't real but what does it hurt huh? i think it's nice. And plus... he's real

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