avhg1

I’ve got a situation that has been bothering my a bit lately. My mother-in-law has been seeing this new guy for a few months and they are starting to get pretty serious. He’s very nice and they get along great, so everything is good there. The issue that is with his 13 year old daughter; she is a bit of a follower and likes attention. We’ve talked a good bit about her new mp3 player and computers, since I’m a computer nerd. She’s a nice girl and so far everything has been innocent, but I still get a bit uncomfortable around her. It was just a bunch of little things like, she seemed to lean a little too close while I was helping her install software on her computer, that made me start thinking about it later.


I could be completely wrong, in which case I would like to stay friendly with her, but my question is how and when to deal with it moving too far. I’m not sure what her intentions are and at what point I should say something. I live in the same town as my mother-in-law and she is very close with my wife, so I can’t avoid the whole thing. I don’t want to say anything if I’m really wrong, as that could make family gatherings very uncomfortable. I haven’t said anything to my wife, but I was thinking of asking her to pay a little more attention the next time we’re all together to see what she thinks. What do you all think?

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I shake the devil's hand daily... I'd do it hourly, but my hand gets tired.

maleficent

She's 13, it shouldn't matter what her intentions are....

She's probably flirting with you. Or thinking she's flirting with you. I'd say that's pretty normal behavior of a girl her age. Most every girl has developed some sort of crush on an "older man"-- and at age 13 -- age 25 is an older man. Just relax, you aren't returning her affections.

It's more concerning that you haven't expressed your concerns to your wife. Talk to your wife about whatyou think is going on.

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ratbastid

Or just milk it for five years until she's legal...

That's a joke. Do what Mal said.

clavus

Or just milk it for a couple years and take her to Hawaii...

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

avhg1

Like I said, I plan to say something to my wife to see what she thinks, but I didn't want to sound like a dumbass. I have very little experience being around 13 yr old girls. I only had a brother and currently have only boys, so I don't know what normal 13yr old female behavior is.

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I shake the devil's hand daily... I'd do it hourly, but my hand gets tired.

FatherTed

Dont keep it to yourself. If she is developing a crush on you and you reject her in the gentlest manner, she could turn nastly and make any amount of claims about you to her Dad.

Definitely mention it to your wife.
She can give you a good 'outsider' view as to whether you are imagining it or not, and can then stop it getting messy.

f6twister

As long as it stays simple like her sitting a little closer or wanting to talk with you, don't worry too much about it. If she starts making more moves, put a stop to it right away. You should definitely tell your wife asap. You may want to watch for and avoid circumstances in which you could be accused of sexual assault.

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A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

Rodney

I agree with Maleficent. She's 13, and she's got a crush; which is a way of trying on being a sexual person. Just play it cool; treat her respectfully but formally, act like you haven't got the faintest idea of what's going on, but stay in control of the situation. After a while, she'll back off and transfer her affections to someone else.

As for telling you wife, just tell her the kid has a crush on you. She'll know exactly what's what.

Baron Opal

I agree with the above. Telling your wife has a bonus feature: she might have had a similar experieince (a crush on an adult while a teen) and take the young lady aside for a girl-to-girl chat. Having a talk from an older woman might help guide the teen and minimize any chances of things getting ugly.

mike059

You also have to remember that there is no "normal" for 13 year old girls. Just be careful and be gentle with her. She is just learning that subtle game of manipulation. I also agree you should tell your wife, in fact she may already have noticed.

Hard8s

Go rent the movie "The Crush" with Alicia Silversotne. It shows what can happen with a crush.

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If ignorance is bliss, then wipe this smile off my face!

avhg1

I did talk to my wife and she thought it was cute. I think it reminded her of the little crushes she had as a young girl. Anyway, nothing to worry about. I've been around her a good bit more and I'm sure it would never turn into anything.

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I shake the devil's hand daily... I'd do it hourly, but my hand gets tired.

sashime76

Since you are the adult you will be (solely) responsible for anything (inappropriate) that happens. Hope it's not anything like the movie The Crush.

pinkie

#1 Get your wife in on it.

[edit] And that is not meant in any dirty way people. Get your minds out of the gutter!!!

Willravel

Introduce her to your 14 year old little bro.

SecretMethod70

LMAO!

Anyway, it seems to me that it's just like others have said. She'll grow out of it, and I wouldn't be embarassed or anything about talking with your wife about it.

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

Demeter

I remeber being 13. I pretty much fell for any older guy I crossed paths with. The best crushes ever...
Just talk about your wife in front of her a lot. She'll back off.

Mephisto2

Tell your wife, but in a nice way. Just mention you think she's got a crush on you and what should you do. Don't ask her to "escalate" it to her mother.

And don't, under any circumstances, be alone with her.


Mr Mephisto