hiredgun

The overwhelming majority of people I've dealt with on TFP are tolerant individuals. Though we may have strong and often clashing beliefs, there is an overriding sense among most of us that these differences pale in comparison with our common humanity and common goals. Now I ask you to help me to explain this tolerance in words.

My situation is this: my parents are not nearly as open as we are. They have very strong religious beliefs, and though I have much respect for those beliefs and the Islamic tradition in which I was raised, I do not accept them as my own.

This realization has caused my parents a great deal of pain. This is NOT a thread about how I can get my way; aside from minor quibbles, I am mostly getting it, as my parents do realize that as an adult I am free to make my own choices. However, I am painfully, palpably, and above all gratefully aware that my parents continue to provide me with not only a roof but a costly education, while remaining in total confusion and frustration over my decision. What I am asking for is help in explaining this matter to my parents, who after nearly 8 months are finally ready to listen.

Why should they, with strong religious beliefs, accept my opposing attitudes as legitimate? What value is there in tolerance versus exclusion? Moreover, my quarrel with their religion is in ritual and arbitrary commandment, not in morality and fairness. How can I show them the value of (even secular) charity and justice over five-times-daily prayer? The value of eschewing religious hatred rather than eschewing pork?

These are the questions I hope you can help me answer, while helping us all learn why to be tolerant.

wilbjammin

I think the key is to make it clear that your differing beliefs don't mean that you don't your family and have no respect for the traditions. Rather, you simply personally disagree with them... try to start by talking about what you do believe in, and then what you don't. Tell them that you're ultimate goal is to be a good, honest person and you can't do that by lying to yourself and your family. You aren't trying to hurt them.

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Innominate.

ARTelevision

Religious intolerance is a tough one.
Your post indicates you are able to reasonably frame your positions in tolerant and respectful ways. I have no doubt of that. As to whether you'll be able to convince folks who have a tendency to express religious intolerance is - given the history of such attempts - doubtful, in my opinion.

Best of luck with your own life. It's not always necessary to convince others of one's own point of view. Sometimes it's wise not to make the attempt. There's life to be lived. It's more important to live one's points of view than it is to convince others of your "right" to do so...

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create evolution

hiredgun

Thanks for your input, I appreciate it.

Tonight was the beginning of what will probably be a very long dialogue between myself and (for now, only) my father. I have given it much thought, and their eventual acceptance is worth my time. It was not a bad beginning.

Thanks for the wishes of luck.