2 year old and a newborn question
 

Hi,

My wife and I have 2 year old daughter and are expecting our son any day now (due date is 3/9/04). My question is this: Our daughter recently moved to a toddler bed and has been making progress in potty training. We were wondering if she would regress when her brother comes home. We aren't paniced that she might, just curious. Also, any pointers on how to go about bringing him home so she doesn't get too jealous? Should we bring them both home from the hospital or bring him home to her?

Thanks!

plenty of attention.
She will enjoy the baby if you let her.
keep focused on her as much as possible.
I mean- wouldn't you want to?
Now you have to learn to give equal attention. Do your best to take time out for the 2 yr. old.

I don't have 2 children of my own but my daughter was 2 when I started doing day care. One of the children I was watching was an infant and she wanted to be treated like a baby sometimes. I played with her and let her pretend some of it. She nursed as an infant so never got attached to the bottle but when she saw the baby get a bottle she wanted one. I let her have bottles. She never got attached to them but it was her way of being the "baby" again and getting special attention. She is 3 and now in potty training and I have one little 2 yr old who comes every other week. We invariably have an accident on the Mondays when the 2 yr old comes. It's normal but usually regression doesn't last long. Don't freak out over it. Let your 2 yr old be a "baby" for a little bit. She will want to know that she can still be YOUR BABY and get just as much attention as the new little one. It can be hard but take as much opportunity as you can to give her the same close attention as you give the baby. Having a new little one can be taxing. I wish you good luck, strength, and some good sleep especially.

When Sagan was born, Maya was 2 and I found she did require a bit more attention. I happily provided that, and she is now pretty much daddys' girl. Sagan is now two and Anya is 2 Mo. old, we did the same thing with Sagan and he absolutely loves his little sister, also the older kids now have a really cool bond and play together all day.
I would recommend that you use this opportunity to spend as much time , one on one with your daughter as possible, it will be great for both of you.

It's hard to tell. Every child is different. My kids are all 3 years apart and there has not been any issue. As long as you spend time with her, and only her for a while, she should be fine.

When my youngest was born, the elder daughter was 2. She walked in the hospital room and yelled, "put that baby down, I'm your baby." I did give the baby to dad and held her until she was ready to explore. Some of the exploring included "holding" the baby (with help) and touching the baby. We spent a lot of time talking about how to treat the baby. And yes, we would pretend she was the baby. Her jealousy lasted about 15 minutes. She and her sister are still close to this day. I think including her as much as possible, but not making her responsible for the baby (don't send her after diapers, etc.) really helped. Good luck and congratulations! Siblings can be a great joy to watch interact!

Include your oldest in the care for the baby. I know that this actually makes MORE work for you, but it helped us a lot. Have your oldest hold a diaper for you while you change the baby. Ask her to comfort the baby when she's crying, etc.

Don't force her to do anything. Just ask. Don't give her any genuine responsibilities (she's 2, for goodness sake). Just keep her included.

As for potty, etc. Every kid is different. My son needed to remind us that he could pee in the potty. He did so by annuncing it and demanding that we watch whenever he went.

my kids are 2 years apart, and I found that having the eldest help with the baby as much as he was capable of made him proud to have some responsibility, as well as helped make him sensitive to the needs of others. We had to take care not to ignore him because she was crying, but now-days, he loves his sister, and is rather protective of her even with my wife and I. He's 9 now, she's 7 and while they fight about some things, they generally play well together and get on just fine.

Regression
 

I have heard that this can happen, although my son was not trained until 6 mos after the newborn came along

it's case by case, methinks.

gibingus jr. is 22 months, we brought home gibingus 3.0 a few weeks ago and -although he was supsicious and tentative about the baby at first- we haven't seen any regression. if anything he acts out a bit more when people come to visit and go goo goo over the baby, but he tries to get attention by being talkative, showing the visitors his toys, etc, and not acting out in negative ways.

but girls develop faster than boys, and we know a two year old girl who just got a little sister and is very crabby about it.

I have 2 who are 2-1/2 years apart. Now they are ages 3 and 9 months. When my wife was pregnent with my our younger one, we spent a lot of time preparing the older one for the big day. Once she had the baby we brought out 2-1/2 year old to the hospital to meet his new brother. He took to him very nicely and showed lots of love. Once we brought the baby home there was a little bit of jealousy. Generally if there is jealousy the older child will take out his/her frustration on the parents or the newborn (i.e. - pushing/hitting/yelling). In our case, the older one took his frustration out on us & not the baby. This only lasted for a few weeks. All we really did was keep giving the older one lots of attention & constantly re-assured him how much we love him. Now 9 months later they are inseparable.

As for the pottly training, My older one did not start until he was 3. so the newborn did not interfere with this. We really just waited until he was ready to do it & did not push him on going on the potty. This worked really well for us seeing that he learned in about 2 days and only had 3 or 4 accidents since he started 3 months ago. Congrats & good luck.