The Golden Record
 

Yeah, I was outside looking up at the stars again. I do that a lot now that I'm trying to find deep, meaningful answers to the grand life questions that actually end with a period. I behold with such wonder the cradle of being as it spins smoothly on its celestial gyros. Such a vast expanse of clean bright pinholes in the endless dark blanket of the cold universe. It never fails to humble me.

I got to thinking about that The Golden Record again.

Hope in a can.

It is up there, out there... far, far away... floating onward to destiny.

...

I can't help but think about what I'd put in with it, what I feel represents us as a planet, as a species.

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What would you have sent as a part of that deep space probe's payload?

I think the infamous Kalashnikov automatic rifle and a slinky should have gone.

Really show alien life how screwy we are on this spinning globe of funky blue/green!

Any other good ideas?

As Douglas Adams has already answered this question for me, let me pass along his wisdom. The answer to everything is "42".

As for what I would have put in the can to illustrate humanity... a copy of Windows. A symbol of humanity's quest for productivity and efficiency so full of bugs ans security flaws that it sucks the life out of me every time I get the damn "Windows has detected a problem with..." box that pops up.

Maybe someone out here can work out the bugs and beam us the ultimate patch!

If they are out there, they already know how screwy we are. Our TV & radio signals have been beamed out into space, at the speed of light, for over 60 years (see 'Contact',w/Jodi Foster, Great Intro). These signals are traveling much faster than voyager.......God only knows how some ET will interpret that eclectic mix of humanities thoughts & ideas.......I hope the ET's are friendly, or we're royally screwed. :)

Listening is one thing, but holding a shiny flat round thing in your hand is another.

So is holding a slinky with your alien tentacle paws. Or an AK47 assault rifle.

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'Sides, any intelligent life out there will eventually intercept rerun episodes of Friends and automatically determine that our entire planet is completely barren of intelligence.

I can see the insight one might gain from personal contact with an ET object, but voyager is simply traveling to slow, it hasnt even reached the next system, Alpha Centauri. TV & radio signals seem more likely to really reach out, over 60 light years in all directions so far. Thats already past the 100 closest stars in this galaxy.

GOD DAMNIT, Dave!

What would you put in the f'n can?

No need for violence, I'll tell. It seems impossible to put anything in the can since its traveling along at such a high velocity, and I'm stuck here on Earth. However if I had a matter transfer device I'd beam over a roll of scotch tape, our highest technological achievement.

Who said anything about violence?

I just wanted a noun. ANYTHING. Just put it in the can. I'm sending another probe. Crompsin I. Full of junk that MacGyver would covet.

You meant duct tape, right?

There's a definite limit to how well one can resolve a signal from background noise. My gut tells me that to get anything useful an alien species would have to be pretty damn close to Earth. That is not to say they wouldn't be able to detect signals that came from Earth, thus proving that we're an "intelligent" species, they just would never be able to make anything coherent out of them much less see a rerun of friends or what have you.

Yes indeed I did mean duct tape, a must for all serial killers, kidnappers, and do it yourself fixer upper types. Very Sharp Baraka.....

I'd never say never, a highly advanced ET species may have technology that is capable of eliminating the background noise and the cleaning up the signals. We're pretty good at that right here on good ole mother earth.

a pencil and paper. they'll be obsolete soon.
photographs of people of every race, both genders and all ages.
a candle and matches.

george w. bush.

Thanks, Noodlepants. Good stuff.

I especially concur with the photographs and matches/candles.

I don't think we should send Bush into space.

I think we should mail him to Iran.

Could be worse....they could catch an episode of the Jerry Springer show.

Yeah. We're screwed if they find our television transmissions.

I didn’t thing I said never. But there are a few issues at hand here, first is that the universe is full of stuff, including background radiation that is everywhere even in sectors of "empty space". As photons travel through space they interact with what’s around them. They deviate in course they lose energy and they get absorbed. Second, even assuming there was a sector of empty space and direct path from your light beam to whomever you were transmitting to you'd still never be able to get the full message across at any distance. This is so because it is impossible to create photons that will travel perfectly parallel to each other and there are practical size constraints to making a receiver. As the distance to your intended target increases you'll need a bigger and bigger receiver to pick up the complete message. If you could travel all the way out to infinity you'd need an infinitely large receiver. All these things make my intuitive physicist side tingle; my gut feeling is that no one will be seeing crappy reruns of any show here on earth sixty light years away.

At distances of the earth and solar system even it's not as bad, but we have help we know the approximate location of the receivers and transmitters and of the stuff in between them, and all sorts of clever tricks make it possible for us to share information effectively.

how messed up would it be if they saw "star trek" and thought we were some advanced race?

I'd put a dick in the box, err I mean, youtubes greatest hits? err damn this is hard. Uh.. maybe a 12" vinyl cut of Heaven Scent, cuz somehow I wound up with 4 copies of the damn thing when "Groove" (the movie) made waves in the raver culture. (I still think that movie blew ass)

Actually you did say "never".

A quick look at wikepedia turned up this little fact,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SETI

If we have the ability to pick up a signal equivalent to an airport radar, from 200 light years away, then an advanced ET species could surely do the same.

i like to think that out there somewhere another group of beings gets to watch leave it to beaver.
dont you?

and they get to watch everything else.

i think that's enough.

Leave it to Beaver & Playboy TV, thats enough for any civilization.

I should learn to read, yes you should have a problem when someone says never.

I talked to my Electricity and Magnetism professor. He said it was plausible to send a communication of some sort to places even a 100 light years away, we have dishes large enough on earth that could also pick up such a message assuming the power was sufficient. He said that since tv signals are not generally pointed into sectors of space that it wouldn't be likely for aliens to ever see any tv show.

And I like tater tots.

ENOUGH!

What do you want to send to aliens?

I'd send them a Top Gear video.

What a thread nazi. *snickers thinking about godwin’s law*

A twinkie.

Twinkies might be the only earthly concoction to survive a billion years in space.

Practically intact.
We're listening to us right now.
I'd send some silly virus. Or a nice picture of my mom with a brief explanation attached.

You'd send your mom!? Hahaha!

"C'mon, ma... do it for science!"

Most advanced ET species already have earthly artifacts. Where do you think all of those socks go?

I'd have to send up a potatoe. That way it would become their new staple food, then when the famine hits, they'd have to come here. Then I could steal a ship and get the hell outta here.

Maybe we should send bourbon.

I would send them exactly two hits of ecstasy, an ounce of shag, and an eighth of shrooms. That'll get them high.

On a serious note, I'd probably send them my ECE homework so they can do it for me.