ASU2003

And as a parent have you had to deal with it at all?

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/interne....ap/index.html

I read this article today about how quite a few teens are 'exposed' (no pun intended) to graphic images on-line, while a large percentage of others actively searched them out*.

In my life, I know I was in the group that actively searched it out. It wasn't everyday, but there was a lot of questions I had and no one I felt comfortable talking to about things like female anatomy and sex. I'm not sure what my parents should have done differently. If they would have found out and made a big deal about it, it would have caused major problems. If they would have been more open and discussed it, that is so not them. It would have been fake and not done anything to stop me. If they would have tried to block it, they would have failed. If my Dad showed me some sites that he likes, it might have worked. I would have been grossed out, but I would lose the desire to watch it after that.

The biggest effect on my life is I still don't know how to socialize with females. Part of that is getting caught 'playing doctor' with the next door neighbor when I was 4, and the severe punishment that followed and being banned from seeing her anymore. The other part is staying inside on the computer isn't the best way to learn about girls in middle school/high school. But, as a 115lbs 5'9" skinny guy in high school, I think I needed to be fed more and exercise more as well (know how to make friends and have conversations might have helped as well). And you don't have to deal with rejection on-line. On-line porn will always be there and will be whatever you want. Real-life girls are tricky, emotional and most people get hurt. (Real-life girls can be great as well).




*But I still question the accuracy of their numbers. +/-2.5..., not for a telephone survey. If I was a teen and my parents gave permission to take this survey, I would be paranoid that they would listen in on the other phone.

Willravel

I'd never want my kids to get the wrong idea about sexuality. I'd rather teach them the basics myself than have some online pornographer try to get them into wierd shit. I've seen what's out there, and some of it really tests the limits of my being a liberal. If I ever walk in to my daughter watching a donkey show online and not laughing, I'll have felt I failed, at least in one department.

It's a parent's responsibility to monitor and regulate how much of the world your kids get exposed to. Watch your kids when they are online. Make sure they are able to explore within reason.

MexicanOnABike

eh. i saw almost everything that was available online and I'm not screwed up or weird for it. My parents never had to explain anything BECAUSE i learned it all online. and they just laughed when they found some on the computer. excesive use will probably do something weird to a few but i don't think watching a few min a day or hrs a week will fuck em up later in life.

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analog

This topic makes me think back to the same discussion that's been going on for some time...

There are media outlets, such as TV and the internet, that children can have access to- but only if you allow it, and only in the ways you allow it.

Most good tips for parents will all say the same thing; the computer should not be in the child's room- keep it in a common area of the home, as visible as possible. Also, monitor the amount of time spent on it, just like many would for TV-watching habits.

It's especially important not just for content you don't wish them to access, but also for young teens and who can access them. There are far too many ways for a person to contact and message underage teens, unless you are proactive in the child's online experience and protection.

As a small child, you teach them to look both ways before crossing the street and to watch out for cars because they're dangerous- then, later, they are mature enough to play a fun game with their friends if it's a slow enough neighborhood street. The thing is, no one would put off that initial lesson and then just drop their kid off in the middle of the same road.

It seems, then, that it's an odd disconnect when parents will allow a child to hop online without educating them on the dangers, teaching them how to be safe, and what not to do. There are fairly regular reports of people finding out their child had posted all manner of personal, trackable info out on the internet, or to a stranger. Apart from the watchdog groups that attempt to catch sexual predators, there are others whose whole purpose is checking online for children who post inappropriately personal info- telephone number, home address, school they attend, etc. They are normally staffed by police officers, and then an officer will go out to the home and educate the parents on good safety practice for their child. I think it's an awesome program, because that initial step of giving out personal info lends itself to all manner of other problems kids can get into.

Really, these issues are all common in the most important way: educating the kids. Educating them about sex (a teen should be educated already), and the appropriate use of the internet for their age.

This is a decent article, but I agree that the "poll" results are likely very off, due to many, many factors that would skew them. lol

Great thread!

SecretMethod70

When this article popped up in Google Reader, I took one look at the numbers and laughed. Most kids are so embarrassed about sex, it doesn't matter if the person asking them whether or not they've looked up porn on the net is a stranger or not, a lot will lie.

Nonetheless, is porn more accessible to teens now than it used to be? Definitely. This doesn't have to be a bad thing, provided they are parented responsibly. The fact is, most everyone is interested in porn in some way or another. It used to be that the effort required to get some overpowered the will to acquire it. That's no longer the case. As a parent (which I am not), I think it's important to be realistic about things. Teenagers are discovering that they're sexual beings, and nothing is going to change that. They'll find some way to explore that relatively newfound aspect of their personality whether you like it or not, so why not play a role in it? Obviously, talk to them about it, but I think it's equally important for children to grow up in homes which don't deny that humans are sexual creatures while also treating the subject with respect.

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Antikarma

I have two young daughters who are on the net all the time. At their age I don't think they're at any risk of finding porn, but I still watch, and I'm aware of it for the future.

Really, it doesn't concern me in the least. More of a concern to me is the predators on the net. I plan to watch them closely and keep the computer they use in a public part of the house, but more so I hope and intend to keep an eye on the social sites that they eventually visit.

To me, kids using the internet is a lot like driving a car. Its our JOB as parents to teach them how, the dangers, and how to react to dangers.

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Toaster126

I think internet porn makes kids into adults that are more knowledgable about sex (not saying that a lot of porn is realistic, of course), more comfortable about it, and maybe even reduces the number of unwanted pregnancies.

If you doubt this, just think of how Jenna Jameson has made porn more mainstream. People who wouldn't ever have talked about such things before are now more "allowed" to, and information and communication with the kids is really the goal here.

Note: I don't have any kids so all this is talking out of my ass.

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Lizra

I thought of starting a thread about this....but I'll just ask it here (I'm leary of coming across as a clueless "old lady" )
What is the deal with young people and porn anyway? Why are so many people under 40 seemingly into it? (or are they?) I'm not that interested in other people's bodies or watching them have sex, it sounds pretty boring to me..... I don't get it....what's the attraction?

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SecretMethod70

You know, I'm not sure if I can explain that. Generally speaking, people just like sex. They must, or else we wouldn't find examples of porn throughout all of history!

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Lizra

Sure....but there seems to be an increase in porn obsession the last 20 years.....is everybody just masturbating a lot more than they used too?
I'd rather be having sex (or trying to have sex)...or making money.....or something else fun/constructive than watching other people have sex. Oh well....it's just a cultural change I've noticed....out with the old, in with the new I guess.

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tinfoil

This is when parents need to adapt to the changing times. You can't stop kids from going online anymore than you can stop them from seeing porn online, so parents need to stop trying to shield them and instead them prepare themselves and their children.

That being said, I'm planning on locking my daughter in a closet ;>

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Lizra

I have a 10 year old son....right now the mere mention of anything remotely related to sex brings a quick, emphatic "EWWWWW!" ,but I suppose it won't always stay that way.
We had to laugh when we Googled "Dicks Sporting Goods" looking for a certain style basketball shoes.....Giant Cocks from hell! (or something like that )........he said "That's porn isn't it mom" and I said yeah....and we laughed at how stupid it seemed

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Toaster126

I don't think there has been a porn obsession in the past 20 years. I think people have always liked porn and now is the first time in history it is both easily available and available in a private manner where you don't have to admit to liking it.

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surferlove007

I was exposed to porn somewhat as a kid...I remember walking in on my dad looking at it on the internet sometimes when I couldn't sleep late at night. I remember just turning right back around and going back upstairs. We both pretty much pretended it didn't happen...also when I was about 11 or 12 I found my dads old porn mags in the basement. Which of course made me curious! I was like wow am I going to look like that when I'm older? I didn't actually find them exciting but interesting because it was like a preview of a new chapter of life.
Dunno...I don't really think being exposed to it screwed me up too bad.
I guess it all depends on the child.
I also grew up in a Christian environment nearly 80% of my schooling and then in church so I guess I automatically wanted to deviate my path to something different...and porn was different.

Xazy

Due to my religeous background we believe in the no ding with no ring rule. And with the internet, and the access to all this, it definately puts the temptation much more in the face of teens today. As well I feel that it makes some people expect every girl they are with to act like a porn star (not neccesarily a horrible thing but not a realistic expectation), as well as an unhealthy thought on what someone's body should look like.

Of course this all being said I will go back to downloading porn.

Lasereth

If anything, it taught me more about the female body than any instructor or class ever did.

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ASU2003

It is easier to get, and it is different for teenage boys vs. girls. Trying and failing to get sex as a guy gets real boring and can cause confidence problems later. There can be negative consequences in your life as well. I'm not saying that everyone will sit at home and download everything. People will still go to parties, work, and do fun activities. But it takes a certain personality, appearance, attitude, confidence level, financial level, and conversation skills for a guy to be successful in the mating game today. Downloading whatever you want today is easy, finding it in real life is hard to impossible.

abaya

Yup, right on the money, Will. I wholly agree with analog here, and plan to implement that kind of monitoring pretty rigorously once we have kids and they're old enough to get into things...

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pai mei

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6360517.stm

Freedom is good. If we would not worry about porn and let it be available everywere and to averyone, in just a month people wil loose interest in it. The same : if a child sees porn and knows it's not forbbiden he will not become obsessed with it

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Darth_Kettch

Keeping the computer in a common area sounds like a golden standard. One thing that I find worrying about the porn, is that you very rarely see condoms being used. I mean, we know that serious actors are all tested and screened and whatnot, but super-hormonal 15-year olds looking for experience might not think that far. Monkey see, monkey do!

Lady Sage

Parental controls. That will keep them off of the computer type porn. Hiding your stashes will keep them from that type.

However, they have friends and someone somewhere has a stash that they will eventually see.

IMO there is no sense in hiding what they are gonna see anyway.

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Darth_Kettch

You speak only truth, but I'm sure I'll try anyway! (But from my own experience, parental controls will only take you so far No system is safe when it comes to hormonal teens!)

basmoq

I don't think porn screwed me up to badly. As for my son, I'll keep him away from it untill he's at least puberty age. At that point, if he wants to find it, he's free to, but the computer stays in the living room and I'm not just going to hand it to him.

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dalnet22

The one caviat that I've noticed is desensitization. I just turned 21, and watching your typical hardcore porn does nothing for me. I feel like I need stranger, more abnormal videos to really grab my attention. Of course, if I stopped watching for a month, I'd probably go back to normal.

bellows

as a teenager I couldn't get enough of it. of course, my access was extremely restricted (taking a peek at a hustle at the local convenience store) compared to what's available now.

ARTelevision

I must disagree with those who believe that parents have the power to overcome the influence of the vast cultural constructs that constitute our mental landscape, the billions and billions of dollars spent on private corporate-financed control methodologies that invade the consciousness of our children, and the incredible persuasive power of online media.

Parental control sounds great.

As if...

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ngdawg

Agreed. Best parents can do is educate-kids are going to do what they're going to do; it's the beginnings of their 'moral' choices(teachings) and learning to assess what they see or do and it's impending consequences. And they, of course, should understand that online porn is generally 'fake'-it's 'acting', it's airbrushing, it's exagerated for effect and titilation and has nothing to do with true human sexual interaction.
Abaya's and analog's line of thought seemingly points to the 'dangers' of internet usage when it comes to interaction on chatlines and sites designed for socializing-that doesn't equate with porn, necessarily. Yes, keep the computers in a common area(my kids' pc is in the dining room), make rules (such as they have to allow mom or dad into their MySpace). But, when they're teenagers, you're logically not going to be behind them 24/7 looking over their shoulders. So, since common sense is not something we're born with, it's important to instill it very very early on and hope it doesn't totally disappear by their 10th birthday.

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cellophanedeity

Parents just need to be open to talking about sex from the very start. If parents would just get over their own fears, they'd be able to talk to their kids about sex, and porn wouldn't be such a big deal.

Pornography isn't a bad thing until you start believing it.

Jetée

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