Jozrael

As a note, I glimpsed through this thread, but am I the only one who notices the OP is 2 years ago? @_@. Or does everyone else just tacitly assume everyone else is on the same page as them @_@

ASU2003

It's probably a normal biological desire to have more kids. But, do you have the resources to provide a good life for another child or are you constantly busy dealing with your kids that you have now? Would you or your husband need to work until 65-70 in order to pay for another child, when if you are just happy with having two, retirement could come earlier.

It doesn't matter too much. Instead of making a new topic, some people choose to continue on old ones. Maybe a few years from now someone will search for this topic and come across everything they need in this one thread.

genuinegirly

I kinda like thread necromancy. Interesitng seeing what I wrote a few years ago, gives me an opportunity to evaluate the evolution of my perspectives.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

hunnychile

You two have had enough kids.

Now you need the balls to say "No" to your wife. Get her a puppy or a kitten.

Period. (It will make both of you happier and able to support the many kids you both already have.)

__________________
"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

ngdawg

Yes and I think you're wanting another kid has only unrealistic reasons behind it. Being pregnant gets you attention. New babies get attention.
Babies are completely dependent on you; they're cuddly and don't talk back.
Having a baby/toddler at home is a blanket excuse for anything and everything, "I couldn't do (insert unfun activity), because the baby (insert baby activity)." New babies give you great boobs.

New babies make you tired. They destroy your body. They destroy intimacy.
They can't talk, they can only cry. They poop a LOT. They will eventually drain the already stretched educational dollar, not to mention the household budget.

Stop raising the issue. Nag enough and he may go where he won't have to hear it.

Be grateful for what you have and use your time to nurture the two you had and agreed upon instead of robbing them of your time because of another kid.

__________________
Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Ayashe

I knew a couple that went through a similar thing, she always seemed to want another. Though they both actually managed to hold jobs outside of the home, working their hours around the children and eliminating daycare. Last I heard from them they had 7 children...

__________________
I am only a little spoon in a huge world of soup.

tiberry

Don't want to be an a-hole, but how is this philosophy? Maybe tilted life? I know its true - only the smart kids hang out in the philosophy forum, but still...

Since I'm posting anyway; I have three beautiful daughters - all from previous marriages. My current wife (that sounds so tacky!) is young, and naturally wants a child as well, but I'm DONE. Its a very hard subject to address and certainly carries a lot of weight in any relationship, but if you feel strongly about not having another, I recommend that you just be honest about your feelings; to do anything else will only cause problems.

__________________
My life's work is to bridge the gap between that which is perceived by the mind and that which is quantifiable by words and numbers.

RaviNara

I'm part of the "No Babies for Me" camp, but I've got a friend of the family that comes from a 7 child family. It's really heart-rending to see a family that's so tired all the time, constantly fighting and moving out, moving back in, and generally wanting nothing to do with each other.

They love each other, ostensibly. They just can't stand being in such a crowded household. So before you have another, consider what it'll be like for the kids first. I guarantee they'll be worse off in some way or another.

__________________
If I like you and your friend, but hate your friend's friend, who loves my friend, would we all be able to get along? Or would we be destroyed by peripheral hatred? --Anon.
Did you know that if you put a little hat on a snowball, it can last a long time in hell? -- Dogbert
These two quotes are more related than anyone would like them to be.

Derwood

we had "more than one" for a few reasons. One, we both grew up with siblings and couldn't imagine growing up without them and two, many "only children" we know have some quirks that we don't find that desirable (inability to share or compromise, sense of entitlement, etc.)

special_k_77

Me and my wife are having the do we stop at one or have another conversation, we have a 9 month old and he is great, would not change anything about him or anything else right now but I do not want another one, we are barely getting enough sleep right now so I can only imagine how that would suck with another one. Plus some of our relatives have had more than one and it always seems like the first child gets made to feel like he is less important than the new baby and it has taken a bad toll on a couple of them.

__________________
My posts looked so naked without this down here so I figured I would put something down here just so my posts didn't feel like that dream where you are the only one naked in a room full of clothed people.

hunnychile

That statement is laughable, my brother has 4 kids and every one of them feels 100% entitled to all they can get - without working anywhere to earn any of it. They share old toys only because they are spoiled by all the newer more expensive toys: like each kid has their own computer and iPod AND docking station and Gawd forbid they have to share a flipping "docking station" or player! Oh yeah, each one expects a full college education without having to work to help pay for that.

Funny, but more & more kids are living under these "tough" conditions at home with good old mom & dad.

__________________
"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

Terrell

In my opinion, it should take 2 yeses to have a kid, and 1 no not to.

MajorHart

I think I would just go ahead and get it. There's going t be fireworks anyway and a possible breakup. She is addicted to have little kids around and that won't change.

I advise men on my website to never get married and to get a vasectomy early but never to mention it to anyone - not even a good buddy. Because it will get around.

Marriage would be fine IF women would not change their minds and want a baby but usually they always wanted a baby and many will get pregnant by someone else if you are married to them because it's still 50% theres and you are still legally responsible in most states for any baby your wife has.

I'm not saying all women will change their minds or get pregnant on purpose but I believe 90% will, if you aren't willing - they will have an accident like not taking their pills or more likely - going to a bar. This is not addressed toward your wife.

If a man tells anybody about his vasectomy - he will never get a date or sex and it's still something we need. Women are on a treadmill to (attract a man, date a man, marry and man and get pregnant.) SO why would they waste any time and attention on a man who had been snipped and could prove they are gotten pregnant somewhere else.

So I advise - no marriage - vasectomy - for frankly all men - unless you really do want to spent 25 or more years of your life raising one kid which may turn into 8 kids.

MajorHart

Redlemon

Wow, that's a whole lot of bitter there, MajorHart.

__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.

MajorHart

I read over and over and over again that many women think a man that doesn't want kids or won't marry can' love them. This is ridiculous.

I had 8 male friends - none of which wanted kids right away and their g/f's or wives got pregnant anyway. 5 of the 8 took off and I don't blame them.

My own wife wanted 12 kids - she didn't tell me that before we got married - in fact she said we'd wait a few years and just enjoy each other. 2 months in she started talking about getting pregnant and informed me that she was going to get a baby with my help or without it.

I left her and we later divorced. We were just on very different paths in life and we all just have one life to live.

I then got a girlfriend and we had a great relationship for 3 years before she decided that if I wouldn't marry her, I didn't love her.

That was nonsense - being married doesn't make a person love another more than not being married.

The fact is - many women change after they are married and often the babies will come - whether you want them or not. Many women feel compelled to have babies and will do anything, including punching holes in a condom or going to a bar to get pregnant. It's a strong urge and the only way you can protect yourself from it is to get a vasectomy and NEVER get married. If you don't and she gets pregnant - you're still legally responsible to support for the next 19 years and involvement for 25 or so - to support that child you never wanted. And the wife won't be a wife anymore and the sex will dry up - until she wants yet another baby and it could be a constant demand.

I started the website Male Action Network (MAN) to discuss this very thing and advise all men who aren't sure they want kids - as to what to do. Do a google search for "a man's dreams and a woman's agenda" and it will come up.


Good luck guys - this is most of the best years of your adult life you would be giving up. It's much better to just keep the v a secret and get new girlfriends when the old ones get too difficult.

MajorHart

---------- Post added at 03:51 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:44 PM ----------

Not bitter at all - just realistic and a learner from the experiences I've had and my friends have had.

Plan9

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

painAuge

I'm sorry to hear so many people in the same boat I've found myself in. I have 3 little ones that we had in quick succession and after our third, I got snipped with her knowledge and partial blessing. Less than two months after that I got the first of many requests to get a reversal so we could have a fourth. Over the following two and a half years, this has been a constant theme in our relationship--frequently leading to arguments and unhappiness. I truly don't want another because of the cost, my age and my interest in giving my kids the attention I feel they need. However, on occasion I lapse in my resolve in the face of her continued insistence, giving in--only to back out before the procedure is done. That of course makes me the asshole.

She's a great mother and could easily handle a fourth; I'm just not ok with it for the above reasons. Unfortunately that has created a dark place in an otherwise wonderful relationship. What I find truly amazing and baffling is the desire to have another child being so strong that she's willing to damage other parts of her life to achieve it. If anyone who's felt this can elicidate and explain how you got past it, I'd be very appreciative.