I joined this site to spy on my bf? How weird I'am?
 

Hey

I feel like sucha freak of nature. I've been in some really shitty relationships in the past and this new one is going okay so far but I knew my bf used this site and wondered what he posted about. I have posted too, b/c it turns out people on here do offer really good advice. How much would this freak him out if he found out? I know I get to obbessed about some things, but I'm always worried people are not really how they appear to be. But then again neither I'm! (*classic example!) Would anyone else have done this or I'm just going too far? Please help!! :(

I think you went too far, if you joined just too spy on him.

You sound like you need to get your shit figured out before you try and be in a relationship. The wya to get your shit together is not to join something just to spy on someone you're supposed to care about.

Do you have valid reasons to NOT trust him?

Do you have valid reasons TO trust him?

If you have your reasons, then no you're not crazy. It's better to be safe than sorry imo, especially when it comes to things like relationships. And most especially with someone you may "love" or may start to "love". Trust is something that is earned, and not given. You may still be searching for that trust with him. You may also (for some reason that is your own) be looking for ways to push him away.
You seem like you may be someone who is easily hurt emotionally. The problem with relationships, such as the one you are looking to persue, is that you run the very real risk of being hurt, and hurt badly, emotionally. It is the risk you take in the persuit of love. That risk is more dangerous for some, than it is for others, and not everyone wins the game.

If my g/f were to join tfp, I know for a fact she would read every single post I have posted. She has done this at another forum, when we were just starting out, and it seemed to give her a good insight into what kind of person I am, although I was slightly weirded by the fact that she did it, I was actually flattered that she cared enough to spend the time to read my 2016 [and counting] posts (yes, all of them).

The point Im trying to make with a very bad example here is that if it is just trying to learn more about the guy and his habits, its more or less ok, depending on the guy. If you came here to actually spy on him (with that kind of negative intent) then it is fairly unacceptable, but depending on your relationship it can be easily worked through, if you are up front.

The trust issue is the biggest one, considering you used the word spy, well, enough said, you will have to figure that one out for yourself.

Either way, best to tell him up front that your doing this (if you havent already, considering that your cover is broken now since you started posting) and see how things go.

Best of luck to you.

Okay I felt bad about doing this to begin with, so I broke my cover to him and told him up front. I told him he can now look at my insights too on my posts

Good job! It's good that you told him, imo. I joined this site because of my ex, and yet, I've only read about 10 of his posts. This is a great place to hang out, and just about everyone I've had contact with on this site have been totally awesome.

Now you being here isn't necessarily "spying". Doesn't it feel better that way?

I see nothing wrong with looking at all his posts...I did the exact same thing, except I came right out and told him I was looking at all he wrote. He wasn't freaked out and I know for a fact it's only going to be a couple of days before he finds this nice little posty. It's funny some of the things you find them responding to (sometimes nice surprises even).

Like candid photos, definitely lets you know who you are with, as long as they take the time to understand your context.

glad everything worked out.

hum.... so you joined just to spy on him... very odd... but if your able to tell him bout it dosent seem that far fetched but i mean, your not obesseing over him are you????

I think you went a bit to far with this. I woudn't be very amused if I found out that my gf is spying on me. But I can be trusted, I don't know if you have a reason not to trust your bf.
And if you find some stuff about him that offends you, are you gonna tell him about it (it will probably upset him).

So, what did he think about the whole "I was in a porno" thread? And, had he posted a reply in that thread before you told him?

Jeez... please don't pay so close attention to me! No I told him before a reply or anything was posted. I feel guilty very easily and blurted everything out pretty early on.

:lol: Don't worry, I'm not stalking you. It's just that your thread was interesting, so I took note of your username and saw the possibilities in the combination of these threads.

Hah! I didn't notice they were the same either, but damn it's good you didn't follow my advice, seeing as how he probably read that post before I did :)

Actually, it would have been quite interesting if your boyfriend had posted a response to that thread, then you told him. I wonder if his reaction would have been the same...

:crazy:

My fiancee did the same.. I hunted out her username tho.. hehe.. she hasn't posted anything :( ahh well.. maybe she will one day.. I was abit upset at first when I found out what she was doin but now I don't mind.. doesn't worry me one bit :cool:

don't feel bad, my ex-girlfriend and I read some of each others threads and replies

Shit am I glad you told me that. I seriously started worrying that you might be my girlfriend. Well this is the paranoia board :D

Damn, looks like I scared her off, as she hasn't posted again. Sorry everyone, she seemed like fun. Come back, C/B!

Nah it's hard to scare me. I feel flattered that my threads seem interesting enough! Yeah I have no reason not to trust my bf but I have my own issuses with guys, so hence the spying. But I won't argue with him about any of his posts b/c he has every right to feel free to post what he wants, I don't want to make him feel limited about that.

you really did the right thing coming clean, c/b!

if you want this relationship to work, you need to be honest & trusting, just as you expect him to be. beating him to the punch of being sneaky or weird just doesn't help anything.......

I'm sure that they're are a lot of people doing that C/B..

No way...... really?

Gee lemon, that was fun reading for a while. I'm surprised she got so scared about the 'previous post' thing. I saw the other one also. oh brother.

Fun while it lasted............

Thanks I appreciate the vote of confidence. Now I know not to post anything anymore!