The Really BAD song torture contest
 

OK, enough of stupid works of art and masterpieces. Rubbish. Beauty, beauty, feeling... bah!. I want something evil. I want teh hoooorrrorrrrr in songs. I want really, really bad songs. But not because they're funny, or because they are making fun of something. I want songs that really hurt, that kill braincells, that a team of a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters could best in a weekend.

You say N'Sync? Good try. But I am sure that you can point worse stuff. Eurovision-song contest level stuff. Why I want that? Well, because I am bored, and I want hardcore stuff to torture friends. Of course, I'll download them; nothing beats stealing crap from the RIAA.

marcopolo's horrors:

1. William Shatner: Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds. Loop.
2. Terry Jacks - Seasons in the Sun
3. Enrique Iglesias: everything.

Off the top of my head... these are all on my computer to play when I want to scare people off.

1. Hammer Brothers: Paul Sucks (simply unbelievable)
2. Weather Girls: It's Raining Men
3. Captain Jack: Captain Jack
4. Celine Deon: My Heart Will Go On
5. Leonard Nimoy: Illogical

Come on now.. that Captain Jack video is classic..
Where else can you see a black army general command a troop of white lesbians in wifebeaters dancing in the rain and kissing each other?

Germany.

That's where.




As for me..when i want to scare off most folks.. i'll play some Morning Musume (http://morningmusume.dream.com/) on repeat.. It really doesnt matter what song.

Also Atari Teenage Riot (http://www.digitalhardcore.com), and mu-ziq (http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~paw/music/mu-track.htm)

No, no, no, you are all wrong.


Avril Lavigne did a cover of System of a Down's "Chop Suey". That song hurt. Find it on kazaa, if you dare.

Puberty Love.

There's a reason it stopped the Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

Great choices. (Well, I like Atari Teenage Riot, but I'll admit that they're not for everyone.) I'll add "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes. Absolulely awful. And this might start a battle, but I think that Ween's "Push the Little Daisies" is pretty much unlistenable.

Anything by Wesley Willis. Uggh.

If you don't know who Wesley Willis is...I recommend you download some. It might just be the worst thing you've ever heard, or the best thing. I think it depends on the person.

Casper Slide - ?
Copacabana - Barry Manilow
Young Girl - Gary Pukett and the Union Gap
Revolution #9 - The Beatles
Sugar, Sugar - The Archies

YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY

Ohio Express - 1968


Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I got love in my tummy
And I feel like a-lovin you
Love, you're such a sweet thing
Good enough to eat thing
And it's just a-what I'm gonna do

Ooh love to hold ya
Ooh love to kiss ya
Ooh love I love it so
Ooh love you're sweeter
Sweeter than sugar
Ooh love
I wont let you go

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I got love in my tummy
And as silly as it may seem
The lovin' that you re giving
Is what keeps me livin'
And your love is like peaches and cream

Kind-a like sugar
Kind-a like spices
Kind-a like, like what you do
Kind-a sounds funny
But your love honey
And honey, I love you

Ba, da, ba, da, da , da, da
Ba, da, da, da, da, da . . .

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I got love in my tummy
That your love can satisfy
Love, you're such a sweet thing
Good enough to eat thing
And sweet thing, that ain't no lie

I love to hold ya
I love to kiss ya
Ooh love, I love it so
Ooh love, you're sweeter
Sweeter than sugar
Ooh love, I wont let you go

Ba, da, ba, da, da , da, da
Ba, da, da, da, da, da . . .

Sweet thing, yummy yummy
Sweet thing
Sweet thing, yummy yummy
Sweet thing

I have to say that playing Shatner's "Mr. Tambourine Man" (in the...jingle...jangle...morning!) coupled with Leonard Nimoy's "I'd Love Making Love to You" (both on the album "Spaced Out") is the kind of music that makes "throwing the cat in the dryer and turning on permanent press" a positively delightful experience.

Not much music makes me visibly cringe and a chill go down my spine. When Shatner ends Tambourne man by screaming "Mr. Tambourine Man!!" at the top of his lungs, I think blood started shooting out of my nose and I blacked out. God bless my family and our capability to repress everything.

Blashphemy! mu-ziq / Aphex Twin is some of the best music ever, seriously! I guess everyone has their own opinions though.

CHEWY CHEWY
Ohio Express - 1968


Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy Baby
Always got a mouthful of such sweet things to say
Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy Baby
Chewy's full of sugar and I love her that way

Chorus:
Ooh I love to kiss her
Love to hold her
Love to miss her
Love to scold her
Love to love her like I do
Oh-ie little Chewy
Don't know what you're doing to me
But you're doing to me what I want you to

Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy Baby
Everytime you love me it's a real sugar treat
Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy Baby
Love me little Chewy cause you do it so sweet

Chorus

Want ya' to . . . woah yeh-e yeh


Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy Baby
Living box of candy wrapped up so very fine
Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy Baby
Do it to me Chewy, chew me out of my mind

Chorus

Ah . . .
Ah Chewy, wo-oh Chewy, wo-oh oh, wo-oh oh
Wah, bop, bop . . .

Tori Amos - Smells Like Teen Spirit (Worst. Cover. Ever.)
David Bowie - The Laughing Gnome

I never said i dont like mu-ziq (who is NOT aphex twin btw).. or ATR..
but i played them in a 4 car trip with my parents once, and my dad threw my cd out of the window. It takes a lot to make a grown man who listens to Prince, spoken word by Maya Angelou, and Ashford and Simpson cry....

Oh whoops, guess I said that the wrong way. I meant that the general the general style of music mu-ziq made was great... but a lot of people seem to judge it quickly as boring.

Tool covering No Quarter is awful. In fact I don't understand all the hype that Tool gets but each to his own.

oh. my. god. I just listed Tool's cover of No Quarter as one of my favorite covers of all time in another thread. I looooooove that song!

To each his own...

Madonna--American Pie

After Don MacLean hears that, he'll die.... and spin in his grave

And anything by the jackson five

hehe Jackson Five...

Any Michael Jackson?

Wesley Willis RULES

the guy is a musical genius! And he writes lyrics with such amazing panache! Download some Wesley Willis. I promise you, you will never again listen to music in the same way.

-C.S. Flim

My GOD I just heard the aformentioned Avril Lavigne cover of Chop Suey.

I assure you Marcopolo, this will mett all of your requirements....and more....perhaps overkilll? I mean you just want to torture them, not necessarily drive them to suicide, right?

Damn! I never want to hear that EVER again!

-C.S. Flim

see, see! i was right.

seriously, download it if you've never heard it. it will change your LIFE. in a bad way.

Alright, Uncle Phil, that's enough songs about oral sex for now.

I love the smell of flamewar in the morning.

My torture has to be "Japanese Boy" by Aneka. I wanted to melt my copy of Vice City just because that song is on it.

I've been torturing mike with Boom Boom Boom by the Venga Boys. That and the Happy 2 B Hardcore 150 BPM remix of Take On Me by A-Ha. \m/

Boom boom boom I want u in my room!
Boom boom boom boom, I want a double boom!

HAHAHAHAHA

I loved that song!! Anything from Celine Dion, Michael Bolton, Milli Vanilli, and/or Nelson kills me.

Forgiener- "hot blooded" just pisses me of to my toes.

Dude! Check it and see! There is an episode of Aqua Teen hunger Force on Cartoon Network, where one of the characters wins the Foreigner belt. Its a belt, that when activated, is used as sort of a mind control device...hilarious, if you are familiar with that program....I'll go with that song thats like..." Hey kids rock on, rock on, ooo my soul...." No idea who it is, but when i hear it, I get a funny voice in my brain, that tells me to kill, kill, kill!

Nah, I'm a lot older than you (although I've seen the program you refer to). "Hot blooded" takes me back to the '70's when you used to see "Macho" guys that wore their shirts open to the navel, LOTS of gold chains, elephant Bell-bottoms; the type of asshole you automatcally want to beat the shit out of; they ALWAYS hit on the drunk chicks; sometimes they'd wail on them if they wouldn't put out, that happened to a couple of friends of mine. My buds and I made a point of looking those Macho shits up; I love to see one of those guys cry like a baby.

I remember being tortured as a small child with this thing called The Gospel Express by Marcy. wretched, wretched thing.
Wesley Willis crushes, as does Ween.

That damn Ketchup song by whoever the hell sings it...

Brady Bunch - American Pie

three dog night - joy to the world.

hahaha i recommend getting birdman whupped my ass by wesley willis!!!!!! my friend actually saw him play in tempe arizona a year or 2 ago.

ding ding ding, We have a winner!

My eardrums are literally bleeding. Someone call a paramedic.

My personal torture song is "Heaven" the DJ Sammy cover. If I ever meet DJ sammy in a dark alley, I'm taking his kidneys.

My ears start bleeding everytime Im exposed to Britney Spears cover version of Joan Jetts I love Rock n' Roll....

AAAHHH!!!!! MY EARS!!!!

Seriously... that is the worst thing I have EVER heard. Ever. In my LIFE.

The Kazaa tagline for this that I found is: "There are no words that can adequately describe this crime against humanity."

I agree.

Silke Bischoff- I Don't Love you Anymore

Most anything by Iron Maiden or Poison.

lol man thats awesome, and horrible. I just downloaded it