my first poetry post... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

pandafaye · 11-19-2005, 04:09 PM

Perhaps I'll begin with a haiku:

Gratification
Oily wet between our legs
Burning like a coal

And some freeform:

fumble, fumble
words without meaning
seep through my lips
and call themselves verse
tit tat
of diversion
crawling into my mouth
overwhelming my brain
and spewing its false credits
out the tips
of these nimble
fingers

tecoyah · 11-20-2005, 03:18 AM

Gratification
Oily wet between our legs
Burning like a coal

OK.....Now I'm all horny......Damn

Sultana · 11-20-2005, 07:42 AM

I like them both, a lot. The second one is especially cool, I like the idea of poetry going through the mouth, to the brain instead of the more typical vision of brain to mouth.

HedwigStrange · 11-21-2005, 09:03 PM

I really like the haiku. In other words... it made me tingly. However, is "oily" really the right word there? Coals and oil are kind of a weird combination of imagery.

11-19-2005, 04:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
pandafaye Tilted Location: Maine	my first poetry post... Perhaps I'll begin with a haiku: Gratification Oily wet between our legs Burning like a coal And some freeform: fumble, fumble words without meaning seep through my lips and call themselves verse tit tat of diversion crawling into my mouth overwhelming my brain and spewing its false credits out the tips of these nimble fingers

11-20-2005, 03:18 AM	#2 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	Gratification Oily wet between our legs Burning like a coal OK.....Now I'm all horny......Damn __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

11-20-2005, 07:42 AM	#3 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	I like them both, a lot. The second one is especially cool, I like the idea of poetry going through the mouth, to the brain instead of the more typical vision of brain to mouth. __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

11-21-2005, 09:03 PM	#4 (permalink)
HedwigStrange Tilted	I really like the haiku. In other words... it made me tingly. However, is "oily" really the right word there? Coals and oil are kind of a weird combination of imagery.