Please Criticise The Poems Herein!
 

Then the fireworks...

Then the fireworks began,
And the lake was lit by the afterlife
of the explosions that sang
Such a song, such a strange song

But now the faeries of fire have flown
and it's not the sky that's coloured, but me
Yet the illuminations have shown,
such a place, such a strange place

To me, devoid of light, but it's nice.
And cold, and all for all this i can't
help but wish that this sufficed
But i'd rather be stood closer to you.

Nothing seems quite right this morning
I'm itchy all over and i look appalling
I'm not even tired but i can't stop yawning

Yet, on the toilet i acheive cartharsis
I could write a thesis on the sludge that passes

My brochure for paradise looks so serene
I can't find the testimonies of anyone who's been...

In desperation i approach the phone
to listen to my old friend the dialling tone
it's easy to hear voices when you feel this alone.

I wish i'd thought of that.

You bastard, you should be proud,
What an idea, what vision!
'As lonely as a cloud'
It's almost too good to be true
Did it take you much revision?
You used a rhyming dictionary, didn't you?

I'm not sure if there's any real meter in these, but I certainly like the rhyme of the second one. I'm not sure what to say about the other two.