Randomguy#5

The Random Manifesto I

For my first offering here at these forums, I present to you a work that has been fairly well received elsewhere. I encourage everybody to leave their thoughts as I am open to all criticism. Hope you enjoy it!

I beg all of you here at these wonderful forums to partake in my work as I attempt to expand beyond my normal clique of e-community who often have nothing original to say, and in hopes of expanding my work into these new communities in search of intelligence, I deliver to you The Random Manifesto . It is I, Random Guy #5, and for those of you who don’t know who I am (likely many of you) I run my own creative website and write a pro-wrestling column elsewhere on the net entitled the Nosebleed Section, which is the cheesiest thing since Velveeta.

As of right now, there are only two sections to this, the main portion where I discuss some of life’s little evils, and a sub-section at the end entitled Random Rhymes where you guessed it, some lame ass poetry will be involved. Please feel free to critique and discuss or openly bash at the end, replies and hits are what get me off.

The Evil Empire

There exists within our society a great empire, one with unimaginable power, one that spreads its tentacles to the far ends of the earth, then brings them back just in time to stab you in the eye, right here in your home town. Its power is so vast, its evils so secretive, that it hides itself in a world of cliché obviousness, behind neon signs and so much corporate landscape, one needs a telescope to see the other side. They masquerade as a power of good, determined on helping you the consumer, when deep inside, beyond the legend of their cult leader, they are little more than a legal monopoly, hell bent on global domination.

Welcome to Wal-Mart, how may I help you?

Yes, my friends, I speak of Wal-Mart, the nasty little zit on the face of corporate America. As I understand it, there are none to speak of in New York, and Los Angeles, but that’s about it to my knowledge, and trust me, if they could afford the land in those clustered cities, they’d be there as well. The rest of the world is subjected to the most awesome display of capitalism the world has ever seen. Today, I aim to show you why they are not the price-cutting, family friendly enterprise you think them of, but rather the greatest evil to hit mankind since the boy band.

Like all great cults, Wal-Mart too must have its cult leader, the one man that started the hostile takeover, and that’s where I shall start as well. Sam Walton, the lonely business man from Bentonville, Arkansas that was seeking to bring several of life’s necessities under one roof, to make it easier for the consumer. Indeed, I’ll grant that, but let us not overlook the fact that he knew he was on to a successful money making idea. For that reason, let me point out that I take no issue with Sam Walton the businessman. I’m all for people trying to make money, even a lot of money. Where I draw the line with good ol Sam is when he became idolized as a demi-god, to be worshiped by all good little members of corporate management worldwide. As one who speaks from the inside, beyond the folding double doors, the break rooms and offices of any Wal-mart are literally plastered with picture after picture of Sam Walton, made to look like a kind giving old man. What I see, is a ruthless corporate dictator. He’s got something in his eyes in those pictures that says, “Under-bid me, and I’ll cut your heart out and feed it to my Canary.” Surrounding the images of an aging Sam, are miles of quotes from the man, all about serving the customer, and you guessed it, making money. Even from beyond the grave, Sam Walton taunts us with enough one-liners to fill a bible.

And fill a bible he did, in fact, an entire religion was founded upon those proverbs he spouted off. Wal-Mart has spread from Bentonville, AK to St. Louis, to Kansas City, Phoenix, Toronto, Vancouver, clear across the ocean to Frankfurt, Germany. I hypothesize that it has grown far beyond even that. It’s not just retail anymore either, or even one stop shopping; you can literally become lost in Wal-Mart lore.

Fortune 500, for the second year in a row, recently named them “America’s most admired company” which shows just how rapidly the decline in American living has become. Fear not my friends from other lands, at the hands of Wal-Mart America is crumbling. Now, instead of simply selling household items, Wal-Mart has taken over. There are now Wal-Mart gas stations, Wal-Mart car dealerships, and the exponentially growing Wal-mart.com, which sells everything from toothbrushes to college textbooks to enough electronics to outfit Sony. I wouldn’t be surprised if there is a Wal-Mart black market, in which terrorists are openly buying weapons and recipes for death, at prices that are all 20% below market value, thanks to the little yellow smiley face flying around and slashing prices.

Beyond the sales, Wal-mart is grows even more demonic. The fascist ways of middle management have the poor employees running around the store, all wearing the uniform blue vests, moving mountains of merchandise simply in hopes of making an item “look better” and therefore sell one more piece of dental floss, because of where it was located. Fear not however, you’ll be paid well, far beyond minimum wage, because “here at Wal-Mart, we’re not anti-union, we’re pro-individual.” Right, and Hitler wasn’t anti-Jew, he was “pro-camping.”

Still don’t believe that Wal-Mart is set on global domination? Next time you go into one (don’t lie, you will, my God they’re cheaper on toilet paper by a quarter) pay special attention to the lighting, the signing, and the damned multi-media tools of Satan that surround you. The Wal-mart radio network that provides those lovely sounds of Michael Bolton in between blaring loudspeakers paging customer assistance to Lay-away. Ever wonder who programs those play lists? I’ll tell you who: the antichrist himself. If I have to hear Billy Joel’s “Piano Man” one more time, I’m going to be homicidal. I once heard them play VanHalen’s “Hot for Teacher” which couldn’t possibly be approved due to harsh lyrics. I promise somebody got fired over that one.

Then of course there is the Wal-Mart TV network. Hoards of children singing catchy jingles advertising not a specific product, but the TV network itself! “You gotta look up!” They repeat over and over again, begging you to look towards the sky, and watch even 5 seconds of their programming, so that they can remind you that Gillette just release a razor with yet another fucking blade. Jingles about the jingles, commercials 24-7, spackled in between the same Sportscenter “Did you Know?” segment. Its gotta end man.

This evil must be brought to an end. Not a terrorist, nuclear holocaust kind of end. Rather, a subtle, realization from the inside that “maybe what we’re doing is wrong” kind or end. Marilyn Manson and Eminem have nothing to do with children killing each other on the playground. Children trapped in 2 acre stores with a pharmacy, eye center, and McDonalds inside, just to ensure that they don’t even have to leave to feed: that’s what’s polluting the children. I have visions of employees walking out, a global strike of all the “non-union” Wal-Mart help, taking their blue vests and marching to the parking lots, with glazed eyes from moving the same piece of merchandise five times because five different managers couldn’t get on the same page. Those vest clad minions of capitalism-gone bad, celebrating in the streets, as Wal-Mart’s stock plummets. Then, all the mom and pop grocery stores can come back, without fear of another hostile takeover by Sam and his gang of merry men.


Thank you all for reading, all comments- both positive and negative are equally welcomed and encouraged.

--Random

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"The Project has returned, not because of an idealistic goal or even a crazed and delusional author. It is merely the next step to one’s own understanding. For all that it is there is so much more that The Project is not, however, first and foremost The Project is that…a project. An ongoing and constantly evolving collective of people and ideals that is constantly evolving, in hopes that someday it will inadvertently stumble across the enlightenment that we all seek-the seemingly indefinable and noble end to our Quest…..happiness."

cybersharp

Well, very passionate, set up... The imagry there is very fine.

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0PtIcAl