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Dear Angel ... :) need your comments
Dear Angel,
You scintillate in darkness to dim the stars, Like the morning sun I hardly see. Exuding a soothing warmth that I'd bask in you, Whilst hoping for your eterne presence, As your company I wish to always have. ------------> it's just 5 lines, would that suffice? :) <----------- |
???
If the powers that be could get Angel up and running, she may be able to address this with you. |
Quote:
Seems a bit contrived....but the message is clear. I would simplify, as far as the complex wording if you wish to keep it at five lines, but, thats just my opinion. Art has its own meter.....and comments/critique have little place in the minds creation. |
if you want comments, i would advise you to write more about what you want to say, and express, and less so that it seems 'poetic'. The complexity i think detracts from the message. The first two lines are also fantastic, and i don't think the succeeding three do them justice.
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I think it is time to place a critique sticky in here......might help us all
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