Peppermint Tea, Grim Hound, and Peaches - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

HedwigStrange · 01-22-2006, 06:38 PM

Please read and tell me what you think. Words in italics are ones I thought didn't fit quite right. If you can think of better words, or for that matter better titles, I would be grateful. Thank you for reading.

Haiku

Peppermint tea, sweet
Without fair threads of honey,
softly burns the tongue.

Untitled

Acid sweet peaches,
bright orange and red in my mouth,
a bit stringy, voluptuously juicy.
Yet so often they are cut up into bowls,
made docile by heavy frocks of cream,
delicate and pleasant,
and somehow sad to see.

The Grim Hound's Fear

The Grim Hound
looks especially somber today
in his dark grey suit,
old tie,
and frown.
At home, his laughing little girl
waits to pounce on her daddy
as he comes in the door from work,
worn suitcase in hand.
And Mr. Hound dreads all the more
the day he'll have to explain his occupation
to his beloved daughter.

amonkie · 01-23-2006, 04:10 AM

I really like the Peppermint tea one - especially since i've drank about 12 cups of it in the last two days

For an "old tie" replacement .. maybe use "tired eyes" ?

tecoyah · 01-23-2006, 04:22 AM

Untitled

Acid sweet peaches,
bright orange and red in my mouth,
a bit stringy, voluptuously juicy.
Yet so often they are cut up into bowls,
made docile by heavy frocks of cream,
delicate and Tame,
and somehow sad to see.

perhaps.....well written, and quite enjoyable

01-22-2006, 06:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
HedwigStrange Tilted	Peppermint Tea, Grim Hound, and Peaches Please read and tell me what you think. Words in italics are ones I thought didn't fit quite right. If you can think of better words, or for that matter better titles, I would be grateful. Thank you for reading. Haiku Peppermint tea, sweet Without fair threads of honey, softly burns the tongue. Untitled Acid sweet peaches, bright orange and red in my mouth, a bit stringy, voluptuously juicy. Yet so often they are cut up into bowls, made docile by heavy frocks of cream, delicate and pleasant, and somehow sad to see. The Grim Hound's Fear The Grim Hound looks especially somber today in his dark grey suit, old tie, and frown. At home, his laughing little girl waits to pounce on her daddy as he comes in the door from work, worn suitcase in hand. And Mr. Hound dreads all the more the day he'll have to explain his occupation to his beloved daughter. Last edited by HedwigStrange; 01-22-2006 at 07:22 PM..

01-23-2006, 04:10 AM	#2 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	I really like the Peppermint tea one - especially since i've drank about 12 cups of it in the last two days For an "old tie" replacement .. maybe use "tired eyes" ? __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

01-23-2006, 04:22 AM	#3 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	Untitled Acid sweet peaches, bright orange and red in my mouth, a bit stringy, voluptuously juicy. Yet so often they are cut up into bowls, made docile by heavy frocks of cream, delicate and Tame, and somehow sad to see. perhaps.....well written, and quite enjoyable __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha