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Old 01-22-2006, 06:38 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Peppermint Tea, Grim Hound, and Peaches

Please read and tell me what you think. Words in italics are ones I thought didn't fit quite right. If you can think of better words, or for that matter better titles, I would be grateful. Thank you for reading.

Haiku

Peppermint tea, sweet
Without fair threads of honey,
softly burns the tongue.

Untitled

Acid sweet peaches,
bright orange and red in my mouth,
a bit stringy, voluptuously juicy.
Yet so often they are cut up into bowls,
made docile by heavy frocks of cream,
delicate and pleasant,
and somehow sad to see.

The Grim Hound's Fear

The Grim Hound
looks especially somber today
in his dark grey suit,
old tie,
and frown.
At home, his laughing little girl
waits to pounce on her daddy
as he comes in the door from work,
worn suitcase in hand.
And Mr. Hound dreads all the more
the day he'll have to explain his occupation
to his beloved daughter.

Last edited by HedwigStrange; 01-22-2006 at 07:22 PM..
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Old 01-23-2006, 04:10 AM   #2 (permalink)
Drifting
 
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Location: Windy City
I really like the Peppermint tea one - especially since i've drank about 12 cups of it in the last two days


For an "old tie" replacement .. maybe use "tired eyes" ?
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Old 01-23-2006, 04:22 AM   #3 (permalink)
Illusionary
 
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Untitled

Acid sweet peaches,
bright orange and red in my mouth,
a bit stringy, voluptuously juicy.
Yet so often they are cut up into bowls,
made docile by heavy frocks of cream,
delicate and Tame,
and somehow sad to see.

perhaps.....well written, and quite enjoyable
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grim, hound, peaches, peppermint, tea


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