trying to explain how I see my thoughts
 

(A poem I wrote very quickly as an introduction to a student film. But scrapped because it wouldn't fit. How does it work as a rough draft of a poem though?

any critiques accepted!


Motion is the physical embodiment of
the harmonies and melodies in music
It suggests a multidirectional rhythm
As well as a pacing of time in events
Motion is physical symbolization of change
As change is an essence of wonder
As humans existing in the modern civilization
We move too quickly to observe these
Choreographed moments of objects and time

As time has become a more precious relic
Only the most necessary ideas survive
A situation forced upon the bumbling masses
As the beateous movements of the world
Go unseen.

Yet these movements are ever obvious
As they compose the medium of my thoughts
They are pictures of objects slowly guided
By music playing silently in my mind
The following are thoughts as they appear
As rhythmic displays of narrative movement.

I am no pro...I only play one on TV...

No, seriously, although I do not consider myself anywhere near qualified to to give a "professional" opinion, I can give my personal opinion.

I think this works VERY well! Not as a rough draft, but as complete. I liked the feel and the mood of it.

all the dry precision of a pbs documentary

ouch man.