MageB420666

After posting quite a bit of my more creative ideas to pop into my head in Moe's Tavern in the Tilted Trampoline I have decided to try posting a short story based upon my silliness. Before you read, Beware, this will not make much sense. Some of it will be silly, stupid, and blatantly impossible. Please do no let that affect you sending me lots of money for my having given you the honor and privilidge of reading this.

And now for a log of mind boggling plot lines, or more accurately, plot tangles, knots, and rope burns.

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It was, as far as Bob knew, just another ordinary day. And little did he know, that he was right, it was just another ordinary day, which is why we’re gonna skip a week ahead and get to the interesting stuff, because I doubt any of the readers want to struggle through the mind killingly dull life of the average college student.

A week ahead, Bob, our hero, spots his soon to be co-hero, or more accurately herione. No not the drug herione, but the female hero kind, you know, the person you want to have sex with, but will never be able to because she’s already destined to score with the hero. So, now that I’ve ruined that surprise, on to the herione, here by reffered to as Christie, so that I don’t get sued my MADD or SADD, or some other stupid acronym.

Ok, where was I? Oh, yes, Bob spots his soon to be Christie, whose name is Rachel. More accurately, he trips trying to jump over a bench and falls on his face in front of her. This is about the time that Bob notices a sound rising up above the humiliating laughter of everyone around him. And he then notices a spike of light streak down from the sky and strike the ground in the center of town a few miles away. He and Rachel don’t remember much for a while after that because the resulting explosive concussion knocks them both unconcious.

Bob wakes up first, notices Rachel on the ground next to him, he reaches out and starts to shake her shoulder. Rachel moans a little “Uhhhh”, then her eyes spring open she sits up in a rather startled way, and observes the devastation around them.

“Wha… What’s happening?” calls out Rachel in a rather surprised and scared voice.

“Well, I don’t know about the destruction around us, but I do know that your crushing my legs. Would you mind getting off of me?” responds Bob.

“Ooops, sorry.” Rachel get off Bob. She then lacks even the common courtesy to give Bob a hand up, and instead start looking around for anyone else alive. She is sadly dissapointed, because it was only by an extremely lucky fluke that she and Bob survived the blast that killed everyone else in a quick but extremely gruesome manner. You see, Bob happened to be low on the ground and Rachel happened to be bent over laughing her ass off at Bob, so when the blast hit it went over Bob, angled up over Rachel and just slammed her down onto the ground, and procceded to smash everyone else’s internal organs with the concussion wave and then fling their already heavily damaged bodies into anything solid, mostly buildings, that were located behind them.

So our hero and Christie happen to be the lone survivors of the blast that destroyed most of their little college town. They are by no means the only survivors, after all, the invading aliens want some people left to enslave. But they are the only ones in their local area to have survived. So Bob’s next statement at this point is pretty pointless, but in the interest of historical accuracy:

“Umm, everyone appears to be dead,” says Bob.

“Yeah, well, bullocks to them,” responded Rachel, which is an excusable statement seeing as she was currently having a very bad time.

This lively conversation was cut short as they both then noticed the rather large ship descending from the sky.

“Umm, maybe we should get out of here,” suggested Rachel, only to notice that Bob was alread running. “You bastard!” exclaimed Rachel as she proceeded to run after Bob. “Where are you going?” She excaimingly asks as she catches up to Bob.

“Well, first and most obviously I’m getting out of here, then I’m gonna hit a Wal-Mart and grab all the guns and camping gear we can hold, then we’re going to find an off road vehicle, and then we’re gonna hit a liquor store.” Responds Bob between taking gasps of breath.

“Ok” replies Rachel, thinking that this sounded like a rather good and well thought out plan.

So they get to a Wal-Mart, go back to the camping and hunting gear section, and are summarily shot by the other group of people that had gotten there first and didn’t want to share. And so ends the tale of Bob and Rachel.

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Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.

TexanAvenger

I'm going to say Adams-esque at points. Then I'm going to say, "awesome."

Thus having said those things, I hope you'll agree to write us some more... if not about Bob.

amonkie

Great for making me laugh Mage!

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

tecoyah

impressive.....and entertaining.


Whood A thunk it

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

liquidlight

Ahh, the surprise ending!! Thanks, I'm still laughing!

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Halfway to hell and picking up speed.