RoboBlaster

I wrote a couple of poems for a contest at school. The topic we are supposed to address is "mystery." For no other reason than wanting to spread them, here they are...




The Murder of P. Conrad Farnslow

Cold hands curled, blue
from the frost of March’s mist,
his blind eyes locked on nothing at all.
The cruel grimace
of the unavenged froze in the criss-cross shadows
of long dead limbs.

What happened doesn’t really matter.
He was unloved



A Failed Poem About Nevada

Riding the coattails of the pock marked sun,
my eyes shaded by glasses slick
from a UV blocking film,
I crunched the gravel
under the tires of a Chevy too old;
the carburetor choking on desert dust.


***

Please disregard the previous stanza.
Its idiom lacks the insight
needed in order to convey
any sort of mystery.
We continue…


***

And reaching the door, no one watched,
for desolation is an understated fragment
of the truth of the situation,
and my caution was overwhelmed by the novelty
of what could be behind the motel door.

tecoyah

Dude...this one:

The Murder of P. Conrad Farnslow

Cold hands curled, blue
from the frost of March’s mist,
his blind eyes locked on nothing at all.
The cruel grimace
of the unavenged froze in the criss-cross shadows
of long dead limbs.

What happened doesn’t really matter.
He was unloved

Is fantastic....Bravo

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

K-Wise

I feel the same way. I loved the imagery of the pieces as well. I'm not sure how mysterious they are to be honest but I like them regardless.

Asta!!

__________________
"I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project

It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys! - Asta!!

Bacchanal

I honestly dont "get" the second one at all, though I do like the way it's written. No offense, of course. The first one, on the other hand, is spectacular!

TheWalkinDude

I really loved the second one. I love to read self-aware poems like that. By showing a conscious effort in the poem to create mystery, you manage to make it all the more mysterious.

Edit: Wow. 100th post. Now I'm crazy. Interesting bit of trivia there.

RoboBlaster

Thanks for the feedback, urrvrybody

cierah

I love the unloved one. Nice.