darkangel

**Written from personal experiences, so yes, it's all.. sadly.. true **

A motel room. I'm sure we have all stayed in one of these at some point in our lives. Some have been better than others. Well, I can't speak for all motels, but just my personal experience.

Yes, you guessed it (possibly from my title?) I was a MAID in a crap motel. Don't even get this job, please. What made me fill out two applications to work here? I could not give you an answer. Although it was 2 years of my life, and I have seen some weird things. Those which I will share with you now.

First off, I'm going to list 10 important tips all travellers to motels should note:

1. Take all the soap and shampoo we give you. All of those little things. (Don't go through the trouble of unscrewing the lightbulb and taking down the smoke detector, that's just stupid.) The motel is ripping you off with these rooms. And to be frank, us housekeepers couldn't care less if you took both of the shampoos or the little sewing kit. We may ask why, but we don't care. we have millions of little soaps.

2. If you are do not want to be disturbed, PUT OUT THE SIGN. If you're inside your room shaving your body hair, do you want some old woman barging her way in with a spray bottle? Didn't think so. This saves everyone time. Putting out your DND sign is like giving us a free pass to get out of the hellhole early.

3. Don't even bother wasting your time filling out the comment card if you're just going to leave nasty things about the condition of the room. First off, all of those are thrown in the trash. If you have a problem that the paint is peeling or the carpet is ripped, don't blame the housekeepers, you can't "clean" that. Go to the front desk if you can't hold in the complaint and talk to the manager and then try to get your discount then. Anything that's negative on a comment card makes the housekeepers look bad and that's just not very nice.

4. Leave us tips! You don't know how much leaving even a dollar makes our day. In fact we even clean that room better because we now like you.

5. Clean up your damn garbage! Why not? If you go to McDonalds and get a Big Mac, how hard is it to throw your little cardboard container in the trash? It's not like it's that far away, the rooms are small enough. This just makes us not like you and talk about you behind your back in the laundry room. Even though we will never see you again....

6. If one of us comes in your room to change your towels, don't take that as us thinking you stink. (That happened once to a girl housekeeper and the guy yelled at her to put the towels back because he didn't think he was that dirty and stinking that he needed new towels.) Take the stupid towels, because they are nice and dry.

7. If you're going to smoke in a non-smoking room, don't try to hide it. We don't need to open the windows and find cigarette butts hidden around there, smushed into the window screen. Just run it under water and throw it out. We really don't notice. (Illegal substances we notice though, yes.)

8. Don't get up to answer the door if you're just wearing a pair of briefs. That's just uncomfortable for everyone. And especially don't bend over to grab your garbage in those briefs, we'll be backing away slowly.

9. Please, if you're with a partner in your room enjoying sexual activities, please, do not ask us to join the fun. We will not join the fun. We will never join the fun, so leave us alone and throw the DND on your door. (Ed note: This happened to a 60 year old co-worker. Yeah, you heard me. 60.)

10. And the 10th tip of the day, if you're going to stay at a motel, remember, it's a MOTEL. Not a 5 star resort. Yes you will get free coffee and muffins for breakfast, yes the hottub might be out of order, yes you may find an extra used matchbook behind your headboard on the floor. Don't even waste your time complaining. Leave the water running and run up the cheap owner's bill. Kick back and watch some cable tv. How much did you pay to have shelter, water, and food for the night? 55 bucks? You knew it was a motel the second you pulled into the parking lot. If you don't like overflowing toilets and loud teenage parties in the next room, then ship across the street and open your wallets.

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Now that we have that covered, I shall now share some experiences.

Some will shock and scare you. Some might make you sick. If any of this sounds scary, don't read on. Okay I lied, read on because it's funny.

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Parties

HOLY MAN. People can trash a room with a party. I was always the one who had to clean up the party rooms because I was "young and fast". 226 was the room that always had the worst parties. I wonder why it was always that room. It must've been cursed. Anyway, there was this one time there were so many bottles, I had to use about 4 black garbage bags and take 2 trips to get them all down. (This was on the 2nd floor outside). Weed all over the table, lipstick drawn on the mirrors, holes in the walls. Just insane. I think that one room took me an hour and a half to clean when an average room would take me 15 mins max. to clean.

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Winter

Most motels will have just as many rooms leading outside as they have inside. My work was no exception. And for the first year and a half that's what I was assigned during the Canadian winter months. And yes, last winter was cold and harsh. Those stupid maid carts have a metal handle. And I couldn't wear gloves because I have to clean bathrooms and things, so I was stuck attempting to pull my sleeves up past my hands so I actually don't get stuck to my cart. Put on the coat to go to room 220. Take it off while I clean because sleeves are annoying. Put back on coat 10 mins later. Roll the cart about 3 feet to room 221. Take off coat. etc. etc.

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Bathroom Disasters

I've had disasters which every single aspect of the bathroom, so we'll start with the door. One time a room was being rented without a bathroom door. Why? I have no freaking clue.

The sink. The sinks were either clogged with shampoo lids that I would have to fish out with a pen, they would drip onto the floor wrecking the floor, or the little sink plug would get stuck and nothing would drain. Fixing that last one was tricky. One time a sink had some orange/red goop in it that didn't look like anything man-made. And it was't blood or jello or ketchup. Bodily fluid? You decide.

The bathtub. Oh my god the hair people shed. Every. Single. Bathtub in my 2 years had a billion hairs in it. I'm not exaggerating. It was annoying as hell. One bathtub looked as if someone had clipped all of their pubes into a little pile and left it there. Nice present for the housekeeper. Many outdoor workers would stay, and would leave a BLACK ring around the tub every single day as if they bathed in tar before they took a shower. It was mindboggling. The tubs needed SOS harshly, but of course we didn't have any of that.

The bathroom floor was also full of hair all the time. Of if someone had just taken a shower, it would be insanely wet. Towel off before you get out of the shower! And of course the condition of the floors was questionable and everything would be ripping apart.

The toilet. Oh my dear Lord Jesus, the toilet. Motel toilets are the worst creations ever made.

Let's hope these next few ones don't make you gag on your lunch.

1. I was told in the morning that in Rm. 121 there was a clogged toilet. Everybody figured it was a toilet paper clog. I went out there with a plunger hoping this would be easy and went into the bathroom. Everything looked normal. A little paper floaty and that was it. So I figured, maybe it magically unclogged 'itself'.

I risked a flush.

The water started coming up. Oh no.

Higher. I started to freak. Look around as if something could save me.

Higher. I put the cover down as if THAT was going to stop the water from blowing up all over the place. The water hits the bottom of the seat.

This is some scary crap! We've all been there.

Then it spills over and I fly out of the room grabbing for rags because I don't feel like swimming in toilet water this particular morning. Run back in and start sopping. The over-flowing stops and I look at my current situation.

A toilet bowl full to the BRIM with water. And still that little paper floaty.. on top..

I get the water sopped up and decide that's okay and stare at the toilet. Well I shouldn't have flushed it. So I grab a small glass I had on my cart and start to "bail" the toilet out. Can't plunge with a ton of water in it or else I'll splash nasty water all over the place. So I bail. And bail. And bail. Remember that this glass if hardly bigger than a shot glass. Yeah, you can imagine.

So I get down to a reasonable amount and then take that plunger into my hands and go to town. Holy crap the rubber part on the plunger is as hard as a rock and I can't get any suction. I'm leaning on it. I'm sitting on it. I'm using all body weight just to push the little rubber part down. Barely anything. A few tiny orange floaties come to the surface. No success.

So I'm called to smoke break and vow to resume in 15 minutes.

While on break I tell my 60 year old co-worker of my toilet issue waiting to be solved in Room 121. She comes out with me when our cigarettes are done to attempt to conquer this beast.

We head back in, and behold all the water has drained by itself, but has left the most disgusting looking thick orange stuff on the bottom I have seen in my life. I'm disturbed and disgusted. I step back, and the senior takes the plunger. Then she flushes.

And her 60 year old muscles ripple as she puts that toilet in it's place, slamming the plunger back and forth into the hole. Orange floaties! It's flushing, will she make it or will the mysterious nasty orange stuff overflow onto the floor? What will happen?!?!

The clog is flixed and she kicked my ass. She put the orange floatie plunger on the floor and smiles. I thank her and she leaves. Boy was I weak. Now the orange floaties are coming off the plunger onto the floor.

Here's a question. What the hell was the orange stuff, and how the hell did it clog the toilet in the first place?

2. A teenage girl's basketball team was staying in a room. They were out for a game. I went in to clean expecting messy beds and maybe junk food around. Went into the bathroom.

I swear, it looked as if someone had poured brown chunky soup over the whole thing. The porcelain was covered in dry crusty brown stuff. So I got cleaning. And surprisingly.. it didn't smell like.. anything..

What was that brown crusty dry stuff?

3. I have another one in mind, but it's just too disgusting to reminisce. I'm sorry but I will lose my lunch if I have to visualize this again. I apologize for the lack of #3.

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Co-Workers

Despite many porn websites and magazines, most housekeepers or maids are not young and beautiful. They are old and past their prime. I worked with people 30 years or more older than myself. I was the youngest person ever to work there (time would prove me wrong later).

I used to think that gossiping behind one's back was only for High School teens. I was wrong about that too. That same 60 year old with the rippling muscles talked about everybody behind their back. "Blah blah keeps complaining about this" "Blah thinks they're so good" "Blah should be fired". I often wondered if she talked about me like that to the others.

There was this one woman, I won't name names because she may hunt me down and give me a look. She had a favorite spot at the smoking table that wasn't closest to the door. She didn't smoke. (Making sense so far?) I had worked there longer than her, so I thought I should get to sit where-ever I damn well please. I took her spot one lunch break and had my cigarette and chatted about daily events when this weird woman stalks into the laundry room and stares me down.

"You're in my spot."

I look at her like she's an insane lunatic and look at my co-workers who are kind of smirking. Nobody likes this woman.

"Does it have your name on it?" I ask her smugly. Well it doesn't. Who says it's HER reserved spot.

"No. But I always sit there."

"So?"

She stares me down. Finally I decide I don't want to get into a fist fight with a 54 year old woman and get up and get back to work. She sits down and complains about her work/day/life/afterlife.

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Tips

One Chinese guy while I was cleaning his bathroom went into his bedroom and came out with a 20 dollar bill. He looks at me and says in his best broken english, "I appreciate your services."

Gee do I feel like a hooker now? ("Well thank you very much sir, the extra booty dance was on the house because you were so nice tee hee") He asks me if I take money. (Hell yeah!) Then slips me the 20. I thank him and leave the room. He was the same guy who asked me where I lived, what time I got off work, before. I never saw him again, good riddance.

A black guy who had taken a liking to me quite early in his stay asked me to fix his air conditioner. I told him I'd take a look at it and fiddled with the dials and digital buttons. He takes out his wallet and fishes out a 20 dollar bill. He tells me to buy myself lunch. ("Am I really that poor?") I thank him and get out of there. He's looking at me a little *too* warmly. Things later with him would lead to more uncomfortable events.

Most people leave a handful of pennies and nickels to a 5 dollar bill. Or even certain things like books and cds. Not too shabby.

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Police

Remember Room 226 with all the bottles I mentioned earlier? This room was also involved in a police stake-out-drug-bust one day. *I* was the one scheduled to clean it this time. (As always). In the morning I was told of what had happened the night before and was told that the offenders may still be hiding in there and I should be careful when entering. Oh thanks! Let the youngest-full of life worker open the door happily waiting for a bullet to pierce my chest. Thanks a lot guys.

I get up there, and they are gone, but the room is TOTALLED. Not so much from the druggies, but from the police. They had turned over beds, pulled out drawers, looking for drugs, weapons, blow up dolls, who knows. Either the druggies had fled or had gotten arrested because all their stuff was still in there. Clothes, a VCR, etc. etc. I got a pack of cds from there *pats cd stack* Too bad they were full of half rap gangsta drug music and half Indian chimes. (??)

Another instance there was a kidnapping and an older man had checked in with a teenager 15 year old girl. The cops even gave us a copy of her missing poster to see if we recognized her. They were hiding out in Room 120. She was found and taken back. Room was totalled. Lukcily I didn't have to clean it.

And of course there have been deaths at the motel, suicides mainly, but I wasn't employed there at the time.

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Okay so now that I've shared all of this with everyone (if anyone is still reading this far down I suppose) you probably want to know which cursed and disgusting motel this was. Well..

I'M NOT TELLING. Muaha.

I hope you got an insight of being a houskeeper, whether it be you never apply to be one or you have more respect, then kudos to you.

My wrist now hurts from typing out this manuscript so I shall end it here.

***Next week, sweeping the parking lot when it's pouring rain because the boss said so****

Just kidding.

maestroxl

Ok, I promise. I won't become a motel housekeeper!

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Charlatan

Yikes! I've had a ton of wierd and bad jobs in my day but you are definately right up there...

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MikeyChalupa

Very entertaining read. Often we don't think about who has to clean up after us after we stay at a motel/hotel, let alone after us and EVERYONE ELSE. I always try to leave the room the way we found it, perhaps its being used to having my living spaces inspected in the Navy. I can appreciate what it's like to have to clean up after those who live like pigs, I've had to do my share of that too.

My sister in law worked at a motel for a month before quitting, she had similar stories to tell after only one month.

-Mikey

ShaniFaye

Great stories!!!

I always try to leave my room the way I find it too.....but Im guilty of the hair shedding....sorry bout that

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aurigus

Ei,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I think it is important for others to see what goes into a housekeeper's job so they understnad better how to act at a motel (or hotel!).

Sue

ei555, would you mind terribly if I posted this on my own msg board? Of course I'll credit you!

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darkangel

Thanks for reading, first off

I was always so happy when people would leave the room the way they found it; it would actually improve my mood that day.

About the hair thing, I'm sure I've left some in the tub myself, we're human

I originally wrote this piece for this website: http://www.cargobay2.com/gedanken where anybody can post up their stories, or really any writing at all.

Sue, sure I'd love to share it around, get the word out. Would it be too much trouble if you gave them the above link instead of just posting? I actually run the site above and I'd love some new stories and traffic

Btw, my name is Kelly, I hate my nickname but I didn't know what else to pick at the time

the_marq

ei555 (Kelly) thanks for the story, it was a good read. What scares me is that I probably stayed in that motel (I'm in Calgary).

Tho to be honest, I expected worse.

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Tracybrian

That is a neat prospective. Hard work and low pay. It reminds me of my grandma. she worked as a room cleaner for like 25 years. I wonder what she had experanced.

darkangel

the_marq: It wasn't the absolute worst end of the motel industry, but I wouldn't recommend staying there after what I've seen. I'm closer to Edmonton, so maybe you're safe

Tracybrian: 25 years wow. I only lasted 2 years and I was fed up. I worked with a woman who had been doing it since before I was born, except despite her experience, she was a horrible cleaner, go figure.. I think she got fired about 3 times alone while I was working there.

Ishmal

LOL.
thanx for sharing ur story Kelly...or(ei555)

wateva u prefer!!!

that certainly made me look at housecleaning differently!

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gh0ti

I always wondered if the maid could tell if we had been smoking pot in a non smoking room. I guess you answered my question.

I remember one time staying in a hotel room in Manhattan over looking times square. We were about 20 floors up. We would put a towl under the door and sort of hang out the window to smoke joints. I cant belive we didnt get busted.

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stonegrody

Thanks for sharing, Kelly Hopefully your experiences will influence people to appreciate maids and the work they do a little more. It's always good to know what goes on in behind the scenes.

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darkangel

Oh we can smell it from all the way down the hallway! Cigarettes are rare unless a whole pack in smoked in the room. Non-smokers might be able to smell the cigarettes more (I'm a smoker myself).

Thank you stonegrody, that was my main point with this article. (and to get some laughs of course )

Kid_Karysma

That was excellent and very entertaining.

And I agree, marijuana is very obvious compared to regular cigarettes.

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