Sparkle... Feedback Please
 

Hey guys... New to the boards.

I'm a rather young author and was looking for some feedback on my writing rather than friends and family. Any comments would be greatly apreciated.

I don't have word on this computer, so I can't read it (but will when I switch computers later). But wanted to say -- I am new, just signed up and I saw the title of the thread and was like "Wow someone knows me already!" *rollin* :D

It's an easy read...and the images you paint jump out very nicely...it is a bit self indulgent in places though...some of my favorite authors are guilty of that.

I can hear the narration in my head and there are a few places where it turns from telling me the story to lecturing me on the reality of being.

The paragraph about individual people not being special sounded more like a lecture than a passage. Is there a better way to say this? Most people know this stuff already. Maybe just a passing line about instead of a full paragraph.

Overall I would love to read more...I like the darkness it conveys while not being too dark...and I gotta know - who'd he shoot? :thumbsup:

Really appreciate the comments, very helpful. Noone ever tells me these things; at most I get a wow dude your a good writer! I actually wrote these a while ago... been too busy with classes to write for myself. As far as who he shoots, you may never know :D .

I liked it alot.-
It was very discriptive. Although it seems to me like it cut sort of chopy after a little while..

Damn!

Thanks for the diversion yesterday. I guess I'll just have to imagine it...I'd say it was the other driver...hell bent on revenge for taking his love. Yeah! That's what I'm going with.

Seriously - You should finish it! Good luck if you decide to...

Yes i think he should finish it too.