Sparkle... Feedback Please - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Thought · 10-11-2004, 07:23 PM

Hey guys... New to the boards.

I'm a rather young author and was looking for some feedback on my writing rather than friends and family. Any comments would be greatly apreciated.

sparkly · 10-13-2004, 05:17 AM

I don't have word on this computer, so I can't read it (but will when I switch computers later). But wanted to say -- I am new, just signed up and I saw the title of the thread and was like "Wow someone knows me already!" *rollin*

blade2567 · 10-13-2004, 10:45 AM

It's an easy read...and the images you paint jump out very nicely...it is a bit self indulgent in places though...some of my favorite authors are guilty of that.

I can hear the narration in my head and there are a few places where it turns from telling me the story to lecturing me on the reality of being.

The paragraph about individual people not being special sounded more like a lecture than a passage. Is there a better way to say this? Most people know this stuff already. Maybe just a passing line about instead of a full paragraph.

Overall I would love to read more...I like the darkness it conveys while not being too dark...and I gotta know - who'd he shoot?

Thought · 10-13-2004, 04:48 PM

Really appreciate the comments, very helpful. Noone ever tells me these things; at most I get a wow dude your a good writer! I actually wrote these a while ago... been too busy with classes to write for myself. As far as who he shoots, you may never know

.

cybersharp · 10-13-2004, 11:52 PM

I liked it alot.-
It was very discriptive. Although it seems to me like it cut sort of chopy after a little while..

blade2567 · 10-14-2004, 06:04 AM

Damn!

Thanks for the diversion yesterday. I guess I'll just have to imagine it...I'd say it was the other driver...hell bent on revenge for taking his love. Yeah! That's what I'm going with.

Seriously - You should finish it! Good luck if you decide to...

cybersharp · 10-14-2004, 08:34 PM

Yes i think he should finish it too.

10-11-2004, 07:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
Thought Upright	Sparkle... Feedback Please Hey guys... New to the boards. I'm a rather young author and was looking for some feedback on my writing rather than friends and family. Any comments would be greatly apreciated.

10-13-2004, 11:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
cybersharp Insane	I liked it alot.- It was very discriptive. Although it seems to me like it cut sort of chopy after a little while.. __________________ 0PtIcAl

10-14-2004, 08:34 PM	#7 (permalink)
cybersharp Insane	Yes i think he should finish it too. __________________ 0PtIcAl

10-13-2004, 05:17 AM	#2 (permalink)
sparkly Upright Location: Washington, DC Metro Area	I don't have word on this computer, so I can't read it (but will when I switch computers later). But wanted to say -- I am new, just signed up and I saw the title of the thread and was like "Wow someone knows me already!" rollin

10-13-2004, 10:45 AM	#3 (permalink)
blade2567 Upright	It's an easy read...and the images you paint jump out very nicely...it is a bit self indulgent in places though...some of my favorite authors are guilty of that. I can hear the narration in my head and there are a few places where it turns from telling me the story to lecturing me on the reality of being. The paragraph about individual people not being special sounded more like a lecture than a passage. Is there a better way to say this? Most people know this stuff already. Maybe just a passing line about instead of a full paragraph. Overall I would love to read more...I like the darkness it conveys while not being too dark...and I gotta know - who'd he shoot?

10-13-2004, 04:48 PM	#4 (permalink)
Thought Upright	Really appreciate the comments, very helpful. Noone ever tells me these things; at most I get a wow dude your a good writer! I actually wrote these a while ago... been too busy with classes to write for myself. As far as who he shoots, you may never know .

10-14-2004, 06:04 AM	#6 (permalink)
blade2567 Upright	Damn! Thanks for the diversion yesterday. I guess I'll just have to imagine it...I'd say it was the other driver...hell bent on revenge for taking his love. Yeah! That's what I'm going with. Seriously - You should finish it! Good luck if you decide to...